Luff, life...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

2006-12-25T12:18:00.000+08:00

*happy*

Yesterday was nice! Went to Yiling's home in the evening where I got jealous (for the hundredth time) by her PS2. (I want Kingdom Hearts T_T)

And following that, we went to our grandmama and grandpapa's place for a Christmas dinner. Apparently, as the 'CHIEF ORGANISER', a lot of the food I prescribed on the menu didn't get prepared =P But they were nice, anyway! We brought our laptop to show our relatives our Taiwan pics and my cousins got overly amused with my 'I AM COW' song.

And apparently I gave Timothy the wrong impression of the functions of a light stick.

I wanna go carolling someday! (I've never been carolling.)

Christmas isn't Christmas til' it's Christmas in your heart
Somewhere deep inside you is where Christmas really starts
So give your heart to Jesus, you'll discover when you do
That is Christmas, really Christmas for you

I'm back...

2006-12-15T19:03:00.000+08:00

Yeshhers, I am back from watching this movie with my sis and cousin Deb. Like all book-to-big-screen adaptations, it doesn't beat the book itself. In fact, I can consider the movie a waste of my $8.00. It's as bad as the Harry Potter adaptations. Perhaps even worse because it lacks the excitement and entertainment factors which the HP movies actually do provide.

I can't stand the way they portrayed the elf Arya. In the book she was stoic and completely rejected Eragon by the sequel; in the movie she seemed to be perpetually flinging herself into his arms.

I'm also not satisfied with the very brief depiction of Murtagh. He appeared towards the end of the movie and then - WHAM - suddenly becomes Eragon's best bud for no reason, and then they tell you he's Morzan's son, and that's that. Absolutely no character development, and Murtagh was my favourite character.

(Oh, well, at least he's good looking enough. He looks like Tom Felton. Kinda.)

(Oh, and I'm back from TAIWAN. Nice place =) I'm not blogging about it yet because I lack the time and inspiration.)

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Fish Leong's new album is really good. =) I think the Taiwanese adore her because they were playing it EVERYWHERE I went.

小手拉大手
very cute! (but it loads very slowly)

Tsuji Ayano - Kaze ni Naru
Very cute and happy too. It's the original version of the above Fish Leong song, if I'm not wrong (they sound identical.) It's the theme song of NEKO NO ONGAESHI (The Cat Returns), another very cute and fantastic Studio Ghibli film. (Look out for all the thumbs-ups. VERY SPASTIC x3)

home sweet home

2006-12-05T16:20:00.000+08:00

Loooking down from the 20th floor. My neighbourhood looks beautiful at night, especially when it's raining. =)

Another view. The rooftops look so enticing, right? (NO, for running about on, not for ending your own life from. Pshhh.)

And another. Living on the 20th floor really has its perks. Setting-sun sky is so easily visible. (These pics are taken with my mummy's handphone camera, can you believe it?)

Singapore Press Holdings. It's somewhere west of our block. I couldn't take a clear picture because it's quite far away, but I'm always dreaming about going there. The place looks nice. And do you see the green glowing lights at the top of the building? Actually, there are basketball courts at the top of the building. It's so cool la. I wanna visit~

Cumulonimbus (?) at the beginning of the sun-set...

And at the end of the sun-set. Ooo, ominous.

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In a matter of hours, I'll be saying bye-bye to these familiar sights for a little while... ;))) (No, the fact that I'm actually going abroad hasn't really hit and sunk into me. Yet.)

I slept like a pig today! Praise God. (And please forgive me.)

CASTING CROWNS IN SINGAPORE.

2006-12-03T23:03:00.000+08:00

CASTING CROWNS WAS AWESOME.

It felt unreal there in church. I'm still a little disbelieved that Grammy Award winner Casting Crowns with their fantastic music and beautiful, insightful lyrics came to a tiny church in Singapore. I am flying for Taiwan very soon, and my biggest regret is that I cannot see Casting Crowns live in concert.

But I know the main point is_not_the band and their music. The main point is the message they bring. And today's message felt as though it was talking directly to me. ME. Every Sunday sermon has been inspiring and made me think seriously about my Christian walk some way or other, but today's was different, special because it's so real, and as a youth I can completely identify and relate with the things Pastor Mark Hall brought up.

It's renewed my conviction in Christianity.

I want to do something for the Lord now, and so even though I can't be in Singapore on the 7th or 8th of December, 7:30pm, I'm hoping that you will go and be touched and blessed by Casting Crown's music and the messages they will bring. Please visit http://www.konquerors.org for details.

YOU MUST GO. (Yinghui will pei2 you on one of those nights. Wahaha~)

Praise God!

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Today all the usual youngsters congregated at ah ma's house again, finally, after a month-long estrangement because of exams and camps and whatnot. It felt wonderful. Everyone was being noisy as usual.

Timothy was hammering at the computer, swinging Lego blocks around and trying to get me to play ang moh chess with him (and NO, he can't play, the only thing he can do is arrange the pawns correctly, in one straight line in the second row). Deborah was shouting at the top of her voice as usual in response to everything we said. Lou snored away for most of LotR and miraculously revived whenever Legolas' face appeared onscreen. ZW remained passive for most of LotR until I nudged her with my foot whenever Aragorn appeared. Me? I was squealing for Pippin and Merry. (And Hugo Weaving as Elrond never ceases to amuse me.) YZ was trying to play some... gameboy thingy. Which did not belong to him but to Deb & Timothy, and Deb is only in P5. *shrugs* Kids these days.

And halfway Godmama called ah ma and I got to chitchat with her for a while, and because I am supposedly the freest this December holiday she has made me the official planner of the Xmas party! *gasp* I can't do anything like this!

Godmama and Godpapa are coming for a short stay from Kazakstan soon. =) Praise God.

sometimes

2006-12-02T22:26:00.000+08:00

~~I run, sometimes I hide~~

...sometimes I really do want to ask 'why' - why things change, why happiness doesn't last and why people around me must walk around with frowns and furrowed brows. Then I have to remember my advice to other people and practise what I preach. I must be strong, at least for the sake of those I love. Sometimes it really helps to remember some wise lyrics from MAYDAY (rocks! *ahem*):

有一天我在想我到底算是个什么东西
还是我会不会根本就不算东西
天天都漫无目的偏偏又想要证明真理
别人从屁股放屁我却每天每天都说要革命

就算是整个世界把我抛弃
而至少快乐伤心我自己决定
所以我说就让他去
我知道潮落之后一定有潮起
有什么了不起

How much does one's past matter? Does one really have that much of an obligation to venture back into what has already ended a long time ago?

As I told them today, there are no answers. And there may never be solutions to everything.

But at least we'll always have each other. So let's smile, for a little while.

random musings

2006-12-01T10:29:00.000+08:00

Seriously, everyone is either insensitive or inconsiderate at some point or other. Me, too. It's the natural human condition. No one has perfect EQ. Yes, of course some people have nearer-to-perfect EQ than others. Yes, it's a terribly hurting or annoying condition to the third party.

But I don't want to complain anymore, because who is exempt?

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STUDIO GHIBLI FILMS ROCK. Hayao Miyazaki & Joe Hisaishi are LOVE. Anyone who hasn't seen Laputa/Spirited Away/Mononoke Hime/etc should go and catch one of them NOW. They're simply the best animated films ever. They are really cute, sweet and magical, and the background graphics, scenery and landscapes are always so detailed and lush. AND THE MUSIC. <3

Yes, I must admit that Studio Ghibli might be better even than DISNEY. whoaaa.

(I still thoroughly love [old] Disney though, and I want to own all the DVDS!)

Okaaay. I've finished 4 Studio Ghibli films. 8 left to go in my collection. ^_^

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Am going to Kbox today. And VivoCity tomorrow. *is a happy girlll*

Must tire myself out everyday so that I can sleep early at night, muahahaha.

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I'm tired of all the superficiality. Have we really nothing else to discuss anymore? What happened to the past? 'Cause everybody's changing and I don't feel the same. Do I like it? No. But I guess it can't be helped.

ORANGE RANGE - SAYONARA

2006-11-26T17:37:00.000+08:00

This PV is really nice, entirely worth the long wait. Highly recommended. It's cute and funny and heartbreaking by turns. It's very reminiscent of Ah Sang's Ye Zi MV! Only nicer. And the song is just fantastic. If only ORANGE RANGE would do more of these 'ballads'...

Especially posted for my lao-gong because she's my only fellow ORANGE RANGE fan! Ahahaha~~

lyrics translation

As always, the moon tonight
Shines on me, alone in my bed
Yearning for you, I mumbled to myself
In the world in my pillow
You're always smiling and singing to me
You're beautiful, I murmured in your ear

I'll awaken the memories of those days that I locked away
And bravely face tomorrow
For you, who gave me this love
I've just got to open the door and move on
Now I'll say goodbye to that couple in love
Who said "I hate you" and "I love you"

It's too late now, but thank you
Thank you
For quietly and gently supporting me
Across time I send you my thanks now
Unable to be honest with myself, I'd locked away
The album in my heart, but now I opened it up
And as I faced forward, the memories smiled at me

It was a sunny day when I first saw you
It felt like everything was breaking inside me
With a slim hope, I confessed my feelings to you
The crickets were so loud
Did you hear me?
But you just nodded and gave me a small smile

There are no unnecessary tears
They're a medicine for getting stronger
I can now laugh
At this future that will never come

It's too late now, but thank you
Thank you
For quietly and gently supporting me
Across time I send you my thanks now
Unable to be honest with myself, I'd locked away
The album in my heart, but now I opened it up
And as I faced forward, the memories smiled at me

The map of the future we made together
And the tears of being unable to forgive
Look, our footprints are like a three-legged race
Nothing was useless
Don't throw away your love
Don't forget the joy of being loved
Keep your smile, just like that day
Because you're so pretty when you smile
Don't cry, don't cry
If I yell till my voice is hoarse, it will reach you
Start walking, start walking
The memories are with me
Clutching everything, I'll go

I'll go

pretteh

2006-11-23T14:36:00.000+08:00

I have been seeing my classmates everyday. Especially this Yinghui, whom I think is seriously considering co-habitating with me. I bet she loves ner NEW mp3s. I bet she loves my comics (I dumped a lot of my TRC and Bleach manga on her. Which reminds me, I must catch up with the TRC manga! Because of Fai! And I must read DeathNote! *gasp*). And guess just WHO uploaded the schweet pics in the end?

*drum-roll* ME! (surprise, surprise!)

click on thumbnails to enlargggeeee.

Jack and Jill went up the hill.

And the rooftop.

Yinghui is head over heels in love with me.

Love them lots! <3

Watched like FOUR hours of TV yesterday in one sitting, which is the first time in FOREVER, I think. =) Can't wait for VivoCity tomorrow! I hope Nana wears her fake e_e_a_h_s!

IT ENDS TODAY!

2006-11-21T23:29:00.000+08:00

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!! I am so happy! My A levels are finally over. YAY! But I seriously screwed up a lot of papers! My prelims were much better... okay, I'm not going there. I am so NOT going to think about it until March next year. Besides, I still have insomnia to worry about.

Insomnia is really scary. You can be really really tired and yet your brain keeps revolving and so you can't rest at all. And because of that, you can't study. And because of that, all your studying plans are ruined and possibly your future will be ruined. And because you worry_THAT_much, you become so depressed that you start crying every afternoon when your weariness reaches its peak. And at night, you start worrying that you can't sleep and because you are so stressed up about it PLUS the exams you can't sleep even more. It's a vicious cycle.

It's really bad. You never, ever want to get insomnia.

Plus my body is so qiang2 that it has developed resistance to tranquilizers and sleeping pills. So... I dunno. I realize this is a long and tough battle I must fight on my own. It's so easy to fall into a pit and yet so tough to climb out of it.

Boooooo... Only slept like 2.5 hours yesterday (and I'm still so energized. I'm not human.)

Oh but today was great. I'm so glad I suggested that Yinghui bring her cam along so that we can take pics in NY in our browny school uniforms for the final time. We combed NYJC's hillsides (rectilinear slopes) and romped about on the rooftops and took a couple of really really schweet photos. I hope that Yinghui won't be so sloooooowww to upload them.

And after that we went to dine at New York New York for Mel and Shaun's birthday =) It was all really very nice. The food was really just okay and the price was crazy but... felt quite cosy tucked into the seat with so many people around~ Didn't think I would feel very 'high' after the examinations but in the end I did after all~

AH~ So many activities lined up. *excited* AND THERE'S TAIWAN!

...only... I still have insomnia... =(

OH MY GOODNESS. excited

2006-11-16T15:56:00.000+08:00

IT'S OUT IT'S OUT! 'Hitoiro' by Mika Nakashima representing Nana Oosaki. Mika is my favourite Japanese singer! She totally does not disappoint. SHE CAN SING LA. (The only problem I have with Mika is her make-up =p)And I love this MV because it has scenes from the movie NANA 2!! AHHH! I simply can't wait to watch it! But I bet it's not going to be shown in Singapore...

OH AND LOOK AT THE NEW ACTOR FOR SHIN-CHAN.

WAII~~ So much better than the previous 20 year-old actor! Hongo Kanata is 16 so he fits 15 year old Shin perfectly. I'm so happy since Shin-chan is one of my favourite characters from NANA! But... I bet they aren't going to give Shin a big role... Since the actor's only 16 and um, in the manga Shin does a lot of things 15 year olds_don't_do. Hm. =(

Comparison with manga-Shin:

Man2 xiang4 de, dui4 ba! <3

Oh, and Hongo Kanata also happens to be the actor for Echizen Ryoma (main character) for the Prince of Tennis movie. I went 'WAI~~' when I saw him in it too... until about half an hour into the show. He's simply irritating in that movie because he has this poker face ALL THE TIME. (Yes, I wanna watch the Prince of Tennis movie. It's on youtube but without subs. BUT it's alright because the main point of the movie is the CUTE GUYS~~)

Here I shall declare my love for the Nana that we all know in case she gets jealous because almost the whole of this entry is dedicated to NANA but not to her ;)

And YES. My exams are NOT OVER YET. IT IS NOT FAIR. This is discrimination, DISCRIMINATION AGAINST ART STUDENTS, I say. XP People are out there celebrating and rejoicing and I'm only just starting to count down.

So.

FIVE.

ack

2006-10-22T20:26:00.000+08:00

A few days ago, my sister strolled into the house with three plastic bags of the Prince of Tennis tankoubon.

I believed I would not get hooked and I was very determined not to.

VERY determined. =(((((

Ah well, one more thing to look forward to after As ^_^ Jiayou, everyone!

44 is an inauspicious number

2006-09-27T18:45:00.000+08:00

It sickens me. I NEED A MIRACLE NOWWWWW. =(

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LITTLE APRIL SHOWER

drip,drip,drop,little april shower
beating a tune as you fall all around
drip,drip,drop little april shower
what can compare with your beautiful sound
beautiful sound
beautiful sound
drip,drop,drip,drop

drip,drip,drop,when the sky is cloudy
your pretty music will brighten the day
drip,drip,drop,when the sky is cloudy
you come along with a song right away
come with your beautiful music

drip,drip,drop,little april shower
beating a tune as you fall all around
drip,drip,drop little april shower
what can compare with your beautiful sound

drip,drip,drop,when the sky is cloudy
you come along with your pretty little song
drip,drip,drop,when the sky is cloudy
you come along with your pretty little song
gay little roundelay
(gay little roundelay)
song of the rainy day
(song of the rainy day)
how i love to hear your patter
pretty little pitter patter
helter skelter when you pelter
troubles always seem to scatter

drip,drip,drop,little april shower
beating a tune as you fall all around
drip,drip,drop little april shower
what can compare with your beautiful sound

drip,drip,drop,little april shower
beating a tune as you fall all around
drip,drip,drop little april shower
what can compare with your beautiful sound
beautiful sound,mmm

(from Bambi)

~ sweetest song in the world.

爱存在

2006-09-22T22:26:00.000+08:00

Love is not blind -- it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.

~ Rabbi Julins Gordon

the ultimate paradox

2006-09-19T22:17:00.000+08:00

To you: WHATEVER. Yes, YOU. I mean YOU. Stop choumei-ing and thinking that I'm talking about YOU. Yup. You.

Spent my weekend Bleaching myself. >_< The obsession came back again! And I tried to start on Goong... but failed. Got too distracted. And I still have Waterboys/My Brother/Laputa/100 vcds/dvds to watch and I don't think I can finish any by the end of the year! Grrr!

Prelims are over but I don't feel much... and I'm going to be grounded too.

Went shopping with my classmates today! (They have NO stamina! XP) I bought two pairs of earrings. Yes, earrings AGAIN. Please kill me.

Thank you LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE for TOBLERONE! <3

I hope my grandpapa is okay.

This is such a pointless entry. x) I cannot wait for THURSDAY!

to know he is warm though I am cold

2006-09-15T22:22:00.000+08:00

Geography = killer.
Econs = major screw-up.

And I thought the era of the CarelessMistakes ended with my dropping Maths 9233.

But w00t!!! One last paper. The joy and relaxation this brings outweighs everything.

(Though my cousin has just kindly informed me that prelim results DO matter because they are occasionally looked at when you apply for a job during the 5-month break.)

(I can't wait to go to Taiwan. My parents are very amused at the unrest that they're stirring up for bian3333 to step down.)

(And fairy-tales don't come true. =< I am stupid. Boo-hoo.)

the mini-shark

2006-09-05T20:08:00.000+08:00

Today something happpened to piss me off! YH and Aileen and I were studying in the school library. And Aileen happened to be in shorts and slippers (which is a no-no according to the "poster pasted outside the library"). And then the two of us went to the toilet and came back. And we got caught by the student librarian (not sure if he's a J1 or J2, but it's probably the former because dilligent J2s would be mugging their asses off for prelims right now and NOT waste their time being slaves to great white sharks and their minions, right? ;)) and he said,

"No shorts allowed in the library!" - in this super buay song tone.

We-ll. Okay. So we went out. And we waited. And we tried to go in again. (Stupid huh.) And so we got chewed out by him again. We didn't see Aunty Shirley in the corner so we tried to 'dao' him and walk on. And then he said (shouted):

"GET OUT OF THE LIBRARY!"

Wth! I've never seen a student so rude in my whole life! If it had been some teacher I wouldn't have minded. If it had been Aunty Shirley I would have been surprised but I know I'd have deserved it. If it had been Great White Shark... well, I would have been laughing in front of her. XD. But a student librarian! Who gave him the authority to shout at us to get out? Sure it was our fault for entering TWICE and attempting to ignore him. But still. Big turn-off. BIG TURN-OFF MAN. He actually tried to stoop to great white shark's level. -_-

Or maybe the NY population is just TOO NICE in general so far and I've been too used to it x) After all, NYJCians 'don't steal'. Of course, that's an over-generalized example. But hey. Who doesn't over-generalize?

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Ahahahahaha! My godma is living in Kazakstan now! How amazing that it happens to be the place featured in Paul Coelho's latest novel x) which is the first novel I've read in a long, long time excluding the 4 lit books this year. Which is very sad.

She sent me such a nice long reply to my email. I lurve her so so so much.

Martina McBride - Concrete Angel

2006-09-02T20:46:00.000+08:00

She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holdin' back
Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with linen and lace

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

the old man is snoring

2006-08-31T12:41:00.000+08:00

Artfriend rocks. Especially when you try to shoplift grass. Oh, our obsession with grass. Poor, poor us. Our reputations were at stake for an altruistic purpose. ;) (And I don't understand why an uber-tiny plastic graceful-palm-tree must cost $10.90. Bian4 tai4!)

And the toyshop at Takashimaya rocks. Gosh but we (Von, YH, me, later Maggie) went crazy in there. XDDD

I've been waiting for rain for a long time and it had to come yesterday, of all days. x) It began when Von & Mag & I tried to play hero and walk all the way to the bus-stop outside Castle Green from YCK Mrt station. After that I ditched the umbrella. And then we repeatedly exited and entered the function room. Boo. So wet. My feet rotted yesterday. I could practically feel chemical weathering processes taking place and the regolith peeling from my toes. Ha, ha.

Would have enjoyed the rain if I wasn't wearing shoes and socks =(

Plus the rain made me look more unglam than usual. =( And pesky Euni + Vincent kept taking so many pictures. And then I kept laughing so hard that I lost my voice. (Again.) The dinner was cool. It was literally 'rojak'! And Nana & I kept flirting just to traumatise Vincent. And there was the security guard who kept checking up on us to see if we were playing poker cards. And then there was the infamous saga involving certain people splashing into the pool (voluntarily or otherwise). ;)

It was all very fun. ^_^ HC-ers still always gives me that same fuzzy-warm feeling. I love them so much.

So... happy birthday in advance to dear Li Jun, Jun Yi and Swee Wei! <3

Oh, and happy teachers' day in advance too. Feel bad about not going to school today for Kimmy!

take the coal, touch my lips, here I am

2006-08-22T20:59:00.000+08:00

I NEED TO GET THE NEW F.I.R ALBUM =(

Taken last June hols when Yinghui and I went to Genting Highlands!! =) Very nice picture hor. I so love the background, this attraction at the theme park was the best la.

If only our school really looked this inviting, hey?

The recent bout of tests was terrible, can't believe I completely forgot that our prelims are starting NEXT WEEK. I was thinking of skipping Wednesday and then I realized we have GP paper on that day. -__-

SO SO SO SO SICK OF SCHOOL. ESPECIALLY WHEN I GO TO SCHOOL AND LEARN NOTHING. And as much as I would love to, I will NOT turn this entry into a long declaration of my love for one of my English Literature teachers.

I always act like I can't be bothered at all, but, really, I'm very troubled. I don't know what you're thinking at all. But if I have to let go, then so be it.

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take me into the holy of holies

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and no la, the picture was taken @puma shop @ marina square. i <3>

ITHACA

2006-08-07T16:54:00.000+08:00

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.

Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean.

~Constantine P. Cavafy (1911)

I'll Praise You In This Storm

2006-07-30T18:54:00.000+08:00

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as You mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Sometimes I'm a little bit irked when I invite people to church and their response is something about how Christianity may not be their type of religion. This has happened more than once leh. If you can 'pick' a religion, then don't you actually not believe in any of them? To tell the truth, I don't see Christianity as a 'religion' at all. Christianity is a lifestyle and a relationship. If I didn't believe in the true and living God, I'd be an atheist right now. Why should I burden myself down with a religion??? I'd rather depend on myself. But the truth is, I have no reason to doubt or deny the existence of God nor his goodness, and that is why I am a Christian.

God does not restrict us, he Guides us.

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Our last guzheng performance should have ended with a bang at Synergy. Our time spent in SRJC was totally boring. -___- There was no hype, no excitement over the performance; it wasn't too good, wasn't too bad, we finished playing and that was that. The end. We barely felt anything. Though for me and the 'marauders', I guess the 'ending' meant a little bit more. It was the end of our SIX years together playing in the guzheng ensemble for a school.

Well, theoretically it's not COMPLETELY the end, because I know we can't wait to get our butts in the ZH Alumni and start playing away again like the good old times DON'T WE???

So we went to 'ZHUANG YUAN FU' aka tom yam place (I still don't get why they have that name, it sounds too class for a kopitiam opposite ZHSS sia =p) to have dinner. How come we never figured that they'd be selling their zhao pai tom yam noodles at this hour? XD Still, the time that passed was too short... =(

And for the first time (in ALL the years I've known that fishie Weiyu) we managed to convince her to get in my father's car!!

For some reason, right now I'm in the mood where I just want to SHOWER ALL MY DARLING FRIENDS WITH LOVE! Muahahaha.

----------

And I betcha my blog recieved an astounding increase in visits over the past few days. Wonder why, hm?

Oh. And the door to the rooftop on the CCA block is locked now. =( No more windy blue-sky secret hiding place.

maybe it's PMS

2006-07-25T18:57:00.002+08:00

WARNING: MUCH EMO-NESS AHEAD. DON'T READ IF YOU'RE NOT IN A MOOD TO BE ANNOYED.

"A collection of masks rather than a character." If this is what can be said of Edgar, then I suppose this can apply to me as well.

Maintaining so many masks is hard work, you know? It's physically and mentally draining.

My blog doesn't even reveal a QUARTER of how I really think and feel.

I suppose now it's time to start.

Sometimes I DON'T want people to know how I really think and feel. And at other times it's because there is NO SUCH THING AS FREEDOM OF SPEECH. I shoot people (pun NOT intended), I get shot down too. Especially in the 'society' I live in.

Oh, well, I think it's about TIME for me to stop caring about what people think of me and start living up to GOD'S expectations of me.

Bitching is universal, man. We live in a really bitchy world. Do you think I have not the resources to be every bit as bitchy as EVERYONE ELSE? I can drip venom if I want, I just want to bao chi my 'dao', 'guai gia', 'mugging', 'sweet and innocent' xing xiang, can or not?

Ah, survival.

Actually I think I'm relatively more silent than most people already la.

I somehow think that bitching in moderation is good for health.

And if there's anything I've learnt from all this, it's to SHUT MY TRAP.

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Yinghui, I seriously need to borrow your copy of 'THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE'. I need to take a look at that section you pointed out to me some time ago. You may not know it but it really made me think... and I'm thinking a lot now. (Which is usual, I guess. Even though I seem like a RETARD to most people.)

When I was younger I really did not know how to cherish my friendships. I picked fights over mundane things when I was in primary school because of my blatant self-righteousness back then. I did many many bad things. I lost many many friends. In secondary school I let a best friend drift away too. I still see her every week but I can no longer find anything to talk to her about.

I'm really, really afraid of losing my friends now. So, so, so afraid that even when I feel that I'm being stepped upon, or when I'm being treated like a DESERTED PORT (ie. I listen to you for a while and you depend on me and when the trouble is over you just WALK AWAY), or when you're simply not SENSITIVE, or INTERRUPT ME WHEN I'M TALKING HALFWAY, or when you give me half-hearted responses...

I don't say anything.

Do you know how hard it is for me to open my mouth? I am not verbally eloquent in any way. I'm so proud that I don't dare to show you when I'm feeling sad or when I'm imagining ridiculous things. My brave and smiling front works everytime. Too successfully, in fact.

Hey. I really love you, do you know that? And I want to tell you some things. But I am such a coward that I do not dare to start up a conflict. I'm bloody weak la.

So much for the strong front.

'INSECURITY' and 'PRIDE' don't go together... or so you think.

Because these two make up ME. And I am NOT proud of this.

Can you not forget that I am every bit as sensitive as you are?

----------

I'm ashamed to admit this, but I can forgive easily and yet be unable to forget... which is not complete forgiveness in the first place, ne?

I am stubborn in my own way too?

----------

I know that time passes and people drift apart and we are not in the same circle of friends anymore. I saw it coming and I accepted it. I can accept that we drift apart. But why do I feel that we've drifted apart to the extent that to you, I'm someone living oceans away already?

Maybe it's just over-expectation on my part again. I've treasured our bond and our short time spent together deeply. But I wonder if these things mean anything to you anymore. It makes me so sad because you're still really important to me, pal.

Maybe I'm just over-sensitive?

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I made a seriously bad, bad, BAD choice last year. I thought I would be happy, but before I knew it, everything crumbled into a nightmare. I admit I was a contributing factor to the suffering la. But it's RIDICULOUS, UTTERLY RIDICULOUS, ABSURD, ANNOYING AND COMPLETELY CRAZY that this nightmare that has yet to end.

Where is your pride? Where is your dignity? Do you BEG and do you CRY? Are you fit to call yourself a man?

It is too late for regrets. God let this horrible mistake of mine happen for a purpose. I have learnt my lesson. Thank God.

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Smart my ass. I'm one of the most stupid people to walk the planet. Or at least, I hope I've risen somewhat among the ranks. I can safely presume that my eyes are finally WIDE OPEN, for the first time in my life, and that I have become much more sensible.

I absolutely love my dearest friends. You all know who you are. I really count myself very fortunate to have you all. =)

I think in the end all I really want to be is a good friend. I'm sorry for having said all these things, but for the first time, I'm saying what I truly feel... If I haven't been a good friend in some way or other, if I have been a failure in some way or other, I'm sorry. Please don't ever doubt me even when I don't contact you or find myself unable to open up to you. Please don't.

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OMG I just emo-ed SO MUCH!!!!! *dies*

girlfriends.

2006-07-20T18:39:00.000+08:00

一个像夏天一个像秋天
范玮琪

第一次见面看你不太顺眼
谁知道后来关系那么密切
我们一个像夏天一个像秋天
却总能把冬天变成了春天
你拖我离开一场爱的风雪
我背你逃出一次梦的断裂
遇见一个人然后生命全改变
原来不是恋爱才有的情节

如果不是你我不会相信
朋友比情人还死心塌地
就算我忙恋爱
把你冷冻结冰
你也不会恨我
只是骂我几句
如果不是你我不会确定
朋友比情人更懂得倾听
我的弦外之音
我的有口无心
我离不开darling更离不开你

你了解我所有得意的东西
才常泼我冷水怕我忘形
你知道我所有丢脸的事情
却为我的美好形象保密

my new favourite song... hahaha.

meep.

2006-07-13T19:25:00.000+08:00

Ahaha! I finished piaing 'E ZUO JU ZHI WEN' in the school library today. (What happened to the air-con there...?) I love this drama! The ending was a bit too rushed (IMHO) and after the 'kiss in the rain!' things between the two seemed a bit unreal. BUT it was still wonderful! Extremely cute and funny. =) I adore how this drama is so silly and goofy and lighthearted that it always manages to put a stupid grin on your face hours later.

makan~!

the dream has ended; the term is begun

2006-07-11T20:08:00.000+08:00

Ooooh yes it's been a 'dreamful' four days away from school. I hadn't felt so relaxed in a long while. Didn't touch any books/papers at all, and whiled my time mostly out of the house. (Which means I haven't really taken a good rest since the exams ended, actually.) But I enjoyed myself. Come Doomsday (or rather, Doomsdays) in a few more days, I'm going to forget the definition of 'CAREFREE' completely.

Oh and the first day of school was WORSE, far WORSE than I expected. Devastatingly BORING. =(

On to happier thingies.

----------

YESTERDAY!!

WENT OUT WITH LAO-GONG (SHUYI) AND SHUHUI! We, the three SHUS! Weiyu could not come because she had bad - very bad - cramps. =( I felt the 'missingness' of her all through our day out. It's just not the same without cutie-pie fishie. Really sad that she could not make it at the last minute. Oh well! We'll still have more outings together, darlings - more outings, more journeys, greater things to come in the future of our friendship. =)

All the same, we enjoyed ourselves. =) And I'm so glad Shu Hui (who is SUPER FUN TO BULLY) said she had a good time too, even though she was reluctant to come with us to town after KBOX.

OH DID I MENTION KBOX!?? I OBTAINED PERMISSION FROM MY MOMMY TO GO TO KBOX! YUPPEE!! Seriously, getting this permission from her is almost as though I'm asking my parents to give me their blessings for a marriage la. It's that serious. And she AGREED. With minimal fuss. Thank God, thank God, thank God!

Anyway KBOX WAS SHIOK. I've never been so high in kbox, ever (and I usually am VERY high in kbox anyway). It just goes to show how comfortable I am with my 'zheng mates. Dear 'zheng mates, count yourselves fortunate (or rather, unfortunate) to be among the very tiny handful or so of people whom I allow to see me Drunk/Very High/Crazy. In front of you, I can attempt to hit the super-high notes in Kbox without worrying that I may zhao xia and simply laughing it off when I DO. In front of you, I can bounce and sing with no stress at all. In front of you, I won't feel ashamed of myself. In front of you, I laugh and scream my ass off and giggle even more at the o_O looks you shoot me.

So thank you all. =)

After Kbox we went to KINO! MY DI ER TIAN TANG! (Yesh, I have to indulge my Japanese / bookwormish geeky instincts.) There I bought a lot of Useless Stuff. I pride myself on spending very little $$ on Useless Stuff (aside from clothes) so I thought it was Time to buy Useless Stuff once in a while.

And so I DID buy Useless Stuff like stickers(!!), a cutesy notebook (what happened to me!?) and a sketchpad (for my sis, which means it does NOT come under Useless Stuff actually.)

And after that we went to the Esplanade. Maybe it's because it's a Monday, but the Esplanade seemed pretty empty (and redundant) to me. I wonder how many people actually view the Esplanade as a valuable resource? I think, not many. Which is very sad indeed.

But we went to sit by the sea. It's true that the sea is always unusually soothing and calming on the senses. It made me content to be quiet and not talk. And you know, it's actually very valuable to have friends like this, who are willing simply to sit beside the sea and beside you, in silence. Of course we didn't keep silence the WHOLE time la. We spent the time lazily looking out at the dirrrty river and trying to identify the litter. And we also tried to figure out what was on the minds of those tourists when they decided to go for a bumboat ride.

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Saturday was great fun for the most part, because in the afternoon we went to Bugis Street (BTW, I HAVE BEEN THERE LIKE 1000 TIMES THIS YEAR. I'M NEVER GOING THERE AGAIN). BUT we had the biggest and most exciting hide-and-seek game of our lives, I should think! Although it was purely one-sided. =P

Fisherman's Wharf has WONDERFUL fish & chips! ^_^ ANd since I NEVER eat that dish on my own, that day was my first or so time attempting to use a knife. *rolls eyes at self*

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Sirens do exist. The sea is one.

when you sing, you begin with do-re-mi

2006-07-07T12:19:00.000+08:00

Haha. Too bad they don't teach you the actions to this song! I must rewatch FULL HOUSE again someday! Especially the hilarious parts. ^_^

HAHAHAHAHAHA! 终于找到了我的恶作剧帅哥! 好帅哦 (虽然只是小角色)... 不过,我这个人总是对小角色最感兴趣了. 不是超及喜欢他的character啦,可是人越看越好看.而且也不可能看得厌的,因为他毕竟只是'SMALL FRY'.

我连郑元畅都看得有点'SIAN'了=P
happy!!~~ Took me so long to find his pic because he's such an ulu personality -_- His whole 造型 is super 'my type' can!

hahahahaha~~~~

I have been tagged!

2006-07-05T21:09:00.000+08:00

Instructions:
1. Do the following without complaints.
2. Choose 5 people to do this after you have completed yours.
3. Leave a tag on the person's TagBoard to say he/she have been tagged.
4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!" then do this.

Current...
Mood: Relaxed because mid years (nightmare) are over! Tired because I have a headache! Giggly and girly because... I just watched 恶作剧之吻！Damn cute la! Got me grinning from ear to ear for hours, even until now!
Taste: Plain water?
Clothes: (why the questions so boliao de?) Erm. Blue shirt + green shorts.
Desktop: ...wallpaper of Draco Malfoy. That I haven't taken down since 1 million years ago la! (Cause I don't use this laptop usually!)
Toenail colour: -
Time: 9:10pm.
Surroundings- left: Printer. right: Door.
Annoyance: Headache. And the fact that this laptop is super LAG.
Thoughts: I want to sleep.

First...
Best Friend: My sister! (Hahaha)
Crush: Hahahaha!
Music: not sure?

Last...
Crush: Hahahaha!
Cigarette: Yucks!
Drink: Plain water. (I'm even healthier than Eunice can)
Movie: X-MEN III THE LAST STAND.
Phone call: to my mom. Cause she was at J8 when I reached Bishan, so I go pei her lor. =)
CD played: Some CD I burnt, I think it's the one with a lot of Mika Nakashima songs! =D

Have you ever...
Dated one of your best friends: why would i wanna do tt la. my best frens are usually girls lor. (This whole chunk copied from Eunice)
Broken the law: Jay-walk =)
Been arrested: By Sec 4 form teacher. Many, many times.
Been on TV: No. (damn sad right, even though I'm a star.)
Kissed someone you dont know: Yup! (Rubbish.)

5 things you are wearing: ...blue shirt, green shorts, blue hairband, glasses, purple nail polish on my last finger.
4 things you did today: Sat for a traumatising Econs exam, lunched with Cass and Ju Ba, pia-ed 恶作剧之吻！！！！ for 4 hours, talked crap with Nini online. (Still talking now.)
3 things you can hear right now: TV (my dad's watching tennis matches), printer, shuffling of papers
1 thing you do when you are bored: daydream.

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Mid years are (almost) over! w00t! Though holiday mode already set in one week ago... so I don't really feel anything much. Plus now I have a headache. Must be too much radiation from the TV la, first time in such a long while that I have pia-ed TV for 4 hours straight.

Shall enjoy my final week of happiness to the fullest!

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I'm losing a kindred spirit... the only kindred spirit I ever found. So sad that even friendships have to be unrequited, huh...

my bookish impulses

2006-07-01T13:27:00.000+08:00

Roald Dahl is hilarious. =) Somehow or other my sis borrowed The Twits by Roald Dahl, and me, being extremely sick of Demographic Transition Models, Population Pyramids and Co-ercive Chinese Family Planning Policies, ditched all these to read it.

Apparently Roald Dahl is biased against people with beards! "The idea for The Twits simply said 'do something against beards.'"

I challenge you to read the following while having your lunch. =)

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As you know, an ordinary unhairy face like yorus or mine simple gets a bit smudgy if it is not washed often enough, and there's nothing so awful about that.

But a hairy face is a very different matter. Things cling to hairs, especially food. Things like gravy go right in among the hairs and stay there. You and I can wipe our smooth faces with a flannel and we quickly look more or less all right again, but the hairy man cannot do that.

We can also, if we are not careful, eat our meals without spreading food all over our faces. But not so the hairy man. Watch carefully next time you see a hairy man eating his lunch and you will notice that even if he opens his mouth very wide, it is impossible for him to get a spoonful of beef-stew or ice-cream and chocolate sauce into it without leaving some of it on the hairs.

Mr Twit didn't even bother to open his mouth wider when he ate. As a result (and because he never washed) there were always hundreds of old breakfasts and lunches and suppers sticking to the hairs around his face. They weren't big bits, mind you, because he used to wipe those off on the back of his hand or on his sleeve while he was eating. But if you looked closely (not that you'd ever want to) you would see tiny little specks of dried-up scrambled eggs stuck to the hairs, and spinach and tomato ketchup and fish fingers and minced chicken livers and all the other disgusting things Mr Twit liked to eat.

If you looked closer still (hold your noses, ladies and gentlemen), if you peered deep into the moustachy bristles sticking out over his upper lip, you would probably see much larger objects that had escaped the wipe of his hand, things that had been there for months and months, like a piece of maggoty green cheese or a mouldy old cornflake or even the slimy tail of a tinned sardiie.

Because of all this, Mr Twit never went really hungry. By sticking out his tongue and curling it sideways to explore the hairy jungle around his mouth, he was always able to find a tasty morsel here and there to nibble on.

----------

And there's the classic Roald Dahl expletives or vulgarities.

"I'll swish you to a swazzle! I'll gnash you to a gnozzle! I'll gnosh you to a gnazzle!"

Damn funny la! (oh dear, what's happening to me?)

----------

And the ending is very stupid but kind of funny especially if studying has driven you nuts.

But heads are not meant to be stood upon. If you stand upon your head for a very long time, a horrid thing happens, and this was where Mr Twit got his biggest shock of all. With so much weight from up above, his head began to get squashed into his body.

Quite soon, it had disappeared completely, sunk out of sight in the fatty folds of his flabby neck.

...Their heads SHRANK into their necks...

Then their necks began SHRINKING into their bodies...

And their bodies began SHRINKING into their legs...

And their legs began SHRINKING into their feet...

...There was nothing more left in this world of Mr and Mrs Twit.

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Okay, but there's something in this book that I liked.

If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts everyday, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until it gets so ugly you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.

---------

My sis also borrowed A Tale of Time City by Diana Wynne Jones. I'd forgotten what it was about so I re-read it. Speed-read it in two hours last night (ie. didn't study at all, goodbye human geography). I absolutely love Diana Wynne Jone's books. She is as funny and twice as inventive as JK Rowling and I'm not kidding. (Btw, she wrote Howl's Moving Castle! ^__^)

They call them Children's Books; I always wondered why. I never saw them that way. I think I'll still continue to love so-called 'children's books' about 20-30 years later.

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Should I get Mika Nakashima's 'BEST'? But I already have more than half of the songs in the album. But I can't locate the rest =( mp3.zhongsou.com is not exhaustive...

tirederandtireder

2006-06-29T19:09:00.000+08:00

Don't try PastamaRia's Ocean Baked Pasta. It's not that it's not nice. It's pretty okay, actually. But the portion they give is soooo little. And the seafood isn't even that good. It's just not worth your nine dollar and twenty cents. It doesn't come near to being filling in any way.

Thankfully there was Yinghui to dump her leftovers on me. Yinghui, you are my favourite eating partner!!... but Mel spoiled it by dumping an excess of cheese on the lasagna. T_T;; Well, this reminded me of a river depositing its load due to excess capacity or loss of energy (or whatever), which reminded me of the EXCITING physical geography paper.

Which in turn reminds me of how I will cram 10000000+++++ human geography facts over the next 4?5? days.

What a life. =( Boo. I miss mahjong with my family.

And I'm not satisfied by PastamaRia at all! I MUST MAKE A SECOND TRIP THERE!!1111one

studying is HATE

2006-06-18T22:29:00.000+08:00

oh my dad is going nuts. He finds a weird 'HAPPY FATHER'S DAY' animation sent to him on his handphone extremely amusing, just because it involves a weird tortoise-without-shell lookalike headbutting a soccer ball o_O

I have the ability to go nuts too. It comes from reading a sickening set of Geography notes one too many times. Zi-high mode slaps on automatically after 2 hours or so of non-stop (almost) reading. I will sing 'Kiss Goodbye' to irritate my sis. Then proceed with a round of Cyndi's most act-cute songs to irritate my mom. =)

My sis went nuts today too, from watching The Two Towers on ch5. We were having spaghetti for dinner while watching it and she went:

"OMG ARAGORN SO SHUAI! SO SHUAI LA- *chokes on food* COUGHCOUGHCOUGHHACKHACKHACK."

And my mom lost her appetite after watching the Orcs stomp around in it. Haha~

I <3 Pippin! And Gandalf. Although I will never look at him the same way again because of X-Men. (Magneto~~ <3)

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I'm getting pretty disillusionised with everything.

Deserted-port status, slap-ON.

----------

You realize I don't usually let anyone hear me? (Especially not http://drowned-dreams.blogspot.com)

Only you?

----------

Life is really pretty unfair. =( In a valiant effort to protect everything one loves, one may just end up losing everything...

But I guess there are still miracles from God to look forward to everyday, so I'll be thankful for that...

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And I can't remember ANYTHING I've studied. (Only the usual stuff I ALWAYS remembered. -___-)

2006-06-13T18:37:00.000+08:00

shut up.

calling all yang cheng lin fans!

2006-06-10T18:14:00.000+08:00

You might like this song. =)

click here to download! You won't regret it. It's a result of my playing a certain classical music album featuring violin works yesterday. Btw, classical music rocks. Maybe I'm weird. I don't care. XP

hahahaha... Okay, maybe as usual I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. It's just me la, I find it absurdly entertaining and interesting that the melody for the chorus of a certain Yang Cheng Lin song (that is very upbeat, slightly annoying and uberly act-cute) is composed by some guy who died about 200++ years ago. XP

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I've found something I hate more than studying! And that's FALLING ILL. =)

I don't know why stomach flu has to strike me every holiday. And WHY stomach flu!? For someone who is fond of eating (and over-eating) like me, it's a very, very tragic illness. Then again, it helps one to lose weight. But I hate the nauseous feelings it brings. =(

Well, I woke up last morning feeling 1000x better. Recovery really brings out the best in a person, I realized. I felt on top of the world and ready to tackle everything (even studies)! And I also felt like being extraordinarily nice to The Whole World^TM. Whoa.

To dearest rainbow, moon, sky, Mag & Ju Ba, neoprints will be sent to you all shortly. Sorry for the delay, because I am currently not using The Old Laptop^TM and therefore cannot scan/edit them. We shall go d.b soon, okay?

pour contempt on all my pride

2006-06-04T19:25:00.000+08:00

So it's been quite an eventful weekend.

On Friday we went for Aureus Experentia. It was a little boring. But a few songs were quite nice. =) Like the first one, and the last one, and the one right before the interval (2nd movement). Hahaha.

The highlight came after the performance, cause a few of us decided to explore Fullerton. It is BEAUTIFUL. I <3 the revolving doors! The place almost makes me wanna go for prom! Almost.

And yesterday was great, cause I went to watch X-Men III with my darling cousins. It's quite a nice movie. But I was giggling most of the time. I think I ruined the movie for Lou 'cause of that. But Lou was scary too. She nearly killed me when Wolverine first appeared. (I admit Wolverine is hot la. As are a lot of the other guys in the movie. STILL. Hahaha. Then again, I think we're both going to elbow each other to death if we watch HARRY POTTER V together. *coughDracoMalfoycough*)

Anyway, I was laughing because of the plot/movie cliches. *possible spoilers*

cliche #1: The mentor/teacher/kindly-guardian stereotype, usually male, always dies.
cliche #2: The good character-turned-bad will always die being killed by a teammate. Which most of the time happens to be a person who loves him/her.
cliche #3: When either of these two people die, there'll always be this long cry of anguish.
cliche #4: When either of these two people die, there'll always be this 'holy music' played (termed by Yue Zheng).
cliche #5: All the corny speeches made by Magneto. XP (Magneto is damn cute la!!! He made me giggle the most.)
cliche #6: The villains will always formulate strategies that ALWAYS, always have some very glaring and stupid loophole somewhere. It HAS to be like that, ma. If not, how the good guys win, right.
cliche #7: The good guys will always have this pre-showdown battle with the bad guys. In it, they always lose because of some very glaringly stupid reason. Then, suddenly, in the final showdown their intelligence level suddenly springs back to normal human standards and they win easily. (I'm talking about the Storm vs. whoever person la. =P)

ya la, ya la, I know, it's just a movie and I don't have to, like, read so much into it or whatever =P but very fun ma.

I don't like Spike. And Jean Gray.

I didn't really find the movie as sad as it should be. If you ask me, the saddest part happened right at the beginning. When Angel was trying to saw off his wings. Now that was the most powerful scene in the entire movie. =( (No, I am NOT mocking this time arouud, okay.)

But overall it was a good movie for the action and eye candy. Halle Berry is so pretty as Storm this time around. =D Not to mention I've always liked X-Men!

Of course, though, it was have been a LOT closer to perfect if 1) They did justice to the comic (which they DIDN'T, they screwed up Rogue's character =( ) 2) if GAMBIT was in the movie! How could they cast him out la. Gambit is so hot. T_T (on my cousin's copy of Marvel vs. Capcom, anyway)

(And did anyone think Iceman looks like Terence Cao? Did anyone notice the Harry Potter lookalike? Does anyone think Angel looks like Draco Malfoy and Pyro's attitude is like Draco Malfoy? waiiii~)

(I CAN'T WAIT TO GO SHOPPING!!)

I felt like a kid again

2006-05-24T22:30:00.000+08:00

...when I stepped into the Zoo.

It's been forever since I've been in that place. I scampered from exhibit to exhibit, crying 'Oh, so cute!' (I don't even say that much in 'cute' toystores/ gift shops) and 'OMG!' 50% of the time.

Went to watch the Animal Friends Show; it made me feel like a gi-nah. =P I love the dogs though. And since quite a long time ago, I've already planned to marry a guy who's a dog-lover. (ESPECIALLY big dogs.)

(I think I love big animals because I love BIG CATS. They're so statuesque and beautifully deadly and deadly beautiful.)

The most exciting part of all was the Fragile Forest trail. Certain people kept screaming during the trail. XP Even over butterflies!!! Butterflies are not scary! (Bees are. I WOULD scream if there were bees. But it's butterflies =p) Of course it was shocking when a bat flew_right_over our heads and when the racoon-thingy (it's super cute!) leapt very suddenly from one railing to the opposite one right in front of me. The raccoon-thingy has very soft paws <3 And a duck-couple and four sweet ducklings strolled onto the path in front of us. (Oh, yeah, their flapping was quite sudden so it scared us too.)

Oh, and when certain people screamed it kind of got to the biggest raccoon-thingy (who looks like the pack leader) and he started making very loud and angry croaks/noises. He looked really aggressive for a while. We were backing away and all the ang-mohs around us were um-chioing at our antics. XD

Also, I don't see why bats are ugly. And I think that (as much as I hate beetles) the big one with the black, shiny hard shell really looks kind of glam. And I admit some animals are smelly, but at least it's the 'nature' kind of smelly and not the smell of like, exhaust fumes and fertiliser and dirty toilets and rubbish.

Oh, I was telling Chey that I want a 'BAI MA WANG ZI', but even if there's no WANG ZI I wouldn't mind. I'm a sucker for horses. Especially white horses. Horses are SHUAI. Especially the one that was pulling the carriage around (but I can't help remembering how much pain these horses actually go through to clamp onto the bit and pull the carriage).

What happened to the elephants? =( The giraffes are so short. And the polar bears so pitiful. And the cow was practically the biggest thing in the zoo.

I realize that once my engine is kickstarted, I can't really stop talking. Hehe. <3 my classmates.

It was a great day.

re: subject

2006-05-19T20:05:00.000+08:00

"I'm not dumb, but I'm certainly deaf."

(The reverse could be true, actually.)

The Emogirl's Tale

2006-05-16T19:39:00.000+08:00

A gir dere was, an that an emo gir,
That fro de fir she bigan to ride ouer,
Loved lafter, and muundayne thinge,
An hir no-math clique which spur hir to ite,
That seekinge amuisemente in dere boringe lyf
They delited in praynks, an bitcheinge,
An all sorte of mischief, and lafed and
Stonede an slepyt an slakked de whole daynn
But of layte she dragged hirselfe to skoo
Like a zombay, an her mood was a Blank an Bloo
An Blah, an wif hir mp3 stil soomewerre
Fae, fae awae, an wif few gad noo Chinerre
Songs, hir takeen to piratinge from anaywerre,
An most of all, she downloaded Mika Nakashimerre.
O, wif sum eenquiringe dumbe queciouns evraytime,
An other payplle raydiyatinge bitchaynesse when in sigme,
Hir Irridex Levelle, eet on counstant heigh,
Ah, dere ay those hoo suck, tis fact of lye.
Ah, congratulations, dear Miss Neo,
You are becoming more and more Emo.
Mebbay cos eet is alreaday May,
Mebbay she is pay-aym-asseng.

------

Don't laugh at me for my stupid and inaccurate imitation of Chaucer. Meantersay, I was just bored. Don't mind me. And don't ask me what I mean. Hahaha.

picture parade

2006-05-02T18:22:00.000+08:00

ohoho, yesh, another new wave of pictures *dances* click for full-size~

Nini & I! OMG I really look like ~~an uglier version of~~ Jingshu in this pic.

This is the edited-therefore-artistic version of Nana&Nini&Me trying to prove that we don't have to be goldfish to look like them. ~~(Of course we were at her home to study. Of course.)~~

This is me and my hubby Shuyi! We all looked so pretty on that day ^^

(Btw, she is affectionately called 'TEDDY' by me. Oh and I gave her that name when we were young and carefree and innocent, 2 or 3 years ago behind the Zhonghua school hall. Aiyo, don't look at me like that, can. We were waiting for our turn to go onstage to perform. With twenty other guzhengs and guzhengers crowded in around us. HUR HUR. What were you thinking?)

And yes, I miss Synergy. We all enjoyed ourselves!! (Don't look at me like that!!)

This is me and barbie-doll Princess Shu Hui at Synergy! Shu Hui should let down her hair 24/7!

This is my new and extended guzheng family. OMIGOSH I LURVE EUUU ALL. XD

Aiyo, gonna miss you all badly once we step down. T_T

(still got a lot more guzheng pics leh! *excitedly waiting*)

The people who put a perfect ending to a perfect day. =))) Thanks for the flower! <3

Hahahaha, I really miss Synergy. I must be mad.

Not Waving But Drowning

2006-04-28T14:42:00.000+08:00

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

~Stevie Smith

-----------

Isn't it a pity that we may never see until the deed is done and it's too far late to throw out that float?

It's a starker, nearer truth than you think.

----------

Early this morning I hit upon this statement:

"I wished I cared less."

5 hours later I realize how impossible and how selfish that thought is.

It brought tears to my eyes today. For the first time in a long while I seriously contemplated how it all felt. And then I realized that though I may try to imagine the worst, that cannot come close to the real thing. Because I have never been through it before. Nobody wants to suffer. But sometimes I wish I suffered more so maybe I can understand how you all feel. Of course this is impossible. And so I no longer know what I can do. I guess all I can do is offer my shoulder and try to ease the burden. Even though I guess it may never go away. We are poles apart. Me and my frivolous little world of materialism and childish girly fancies and childish complaints. You and your grown-up, cynical world. My suffering, psychological suffering though it may be, is not worse than yours.

But today I have found some true Heroes. They are not celebrities. They are no Nobel Prize winners. They are not musicians, they are not politicians, they are not artists, they are not saints, they are not Talented People nor Rich People nor Beautiful Charismatic People. Not Albert Einstein, not Bill Gates, not Leonardo da Vinci, not Jay Chou. These heroes are everyday normal people. They are everywhere, though you may not know it. They are left and right, up and down, across the street or right beside you now in your classroom. And their situation is much worse than we can ever hope to imagine. Putting yourselves in their shoes can only take you so far. But I tell you one thing. They win my respect and my admiration because some of them, SOME of them have survived the trauma and the hardship and the suffering. They still meet with adversity and obstacles, because no one doesn't come across them. But they can pick up the pieces and move on. They know how it is like to cry, and they know when and how to do so. But most of all, they also know how to smile. Although the scars will never fade, they still know how to live, how to smile. They are strong.

Me? Hm. I don't know. I don't know what God has in store for me. I may meet with a disastrous fate or I may not. I wouldn't know. But I now realize what a tough, tough, tough and cruel and complicated world we live in.

But we live on. And I'm not going to pretend that life is Beautiful and life is Easy when the reality is obviously the reverse. We should not distance ourselves from this reality anymore. And I'm going to care. What I shall not care about, I think, is how people view me. That is not important anymore.

----------

We shall not throw pearls to a swine.

pure snow

2006-04-26T22:25:00.000+08:00

Ms Darrell displayed a set of disturbing photographs to us during GP lesson, and a blog entry Meifeng printed out quite traumatized me. The blog owner was part of a 'anorexic' webring, and she kept on raving about how overjoyed she was to be shedding kilos. -_- She joined an anorexic webring so obviously she KNOWS she's anorexic. And yet she's still so delighted about it. Hello la, how can you be beautiful when you look like a freak with your ribs jutting out enough to act as an umbrella for the rest of the lower part of your body? Multiple organ failure? Who asked you to be so retarded? Okay la, that was mean. I understand it can be a psychological thing, but it just baffles me that you can be happy about being SICK. SERIOUSLY SICK.

Ooo I shall stop punning. Anyway these people need help...

I am really a very, very Lit person. -_- And I am just getting weirder and weirder. Miss pally-wally because she's 'weird' like me. So happy that we chit-chatted on the phone yesterday.

We had three Synergy rehearsals today. I starved for NINE hours. Plus NY Guzheng really sucks... But I had fun... I love Shuyi and all the rest. Really really love them all. I will miss NY Guzheng, even if we really suck. Hope everything for Synergy goes well.

----------

(Monday)

My mom noticed this. Everyday when I pile into her car after school, I tell her any one of the following three things:

1) I want to shit.
2) I want to pee.
3) I want to sleep.

Basically this just goes to show how UNexciting Nanyang is. Not to mention that the meaninglessness (I don't care if there isn't such a word) of all it totally drains us of any energy. I have no idea why.

Saw a car with license plate ending with "4444C". It was just about the most interesting thing that happened to me today. I think the car driver is cool.

JAWZZZ XVII

2006-04-20T21:16:00.000+08:00

Aiyoyo. Have been so so tired these few days. I'm sleepwalking into school everyday. Thankfully I've got my classmates to hype me up so that by the middle of the day I'm not so dead anymore. Synergy is taking up so much of my time...

Monday's rehearsal sucked but I dunno why, I enjoyed Wednesday's one. Wednesday's one was TIRING. Yesh it was exhausting. But I managed to have quite a nice time actually. Guzheng people really manage to brighten up my day. I enjoyed going crazy and singing 'AT THE BEGINNING' in all my corny voices with them... and acting lovey-dovey with them too... and without that bitchy instructor around, there is no stress. So, yeah, I was really quite high through the rehearsal. And you should have seen Lye x2 and I chiong for the buffet. ^_^;;; oh, kept running into Fiona + Candace + Cui too! So quite happy. And Vinny kept on smirking and shaking his head at me from the seats. Dunno for what xp

At the end of it all (we were like the LAST CCA to be dismissed -_-) we had a meeting at the fitness corner 'under the stars' (only there WERE no stars). Actually it was quite a nice feeling to have a meeting out in the dark. If we weren't almost arguing over attire and SHOES for the performance, and if we weren't all shagged (HAHAHA) from the rehearsal, I think we'd all have liked it very much indeed.

(SIDE-TRACK: MY DADDY FED ME CHOCOLATE!!! <3)

Still, weariness creates a great strain on my nerves. I'm very easily irritated and hot-tempered these days... Must keep my temper in check so I won't keep saying things that I regret. Which sucks.

I realized that it takes really quite a bit of time for me to get very angry with someone to the point of really disliking them. So once that happens, the person stays in my black book for really long la. Yeah, guess I'm just not a very 'forgetting' person... I forgive easily, but I don't ever forget. (If you don't forget, does that mean 100% forgiveness?)

----------

oh ya, the JC1 Dragonboaters (those that helped out at Synergy anyway) are really quite NICE. YES. So unlike OTHER J1s who ARE disrespectful to their seniors. See, I'm not over-generalizing that all J1s are disrespectful to their seniors after all. =)

Had this debate on 'respect' during the q&a session for council nominees (I think they are all terrible) today. OUR CLASS WAS LOUD. Really loud. =P Can't believe I belong to such a zany class. I'm thankful that I decided not to skip it after all, it was really entertaining. We ARE a bit mean. Still... XP

Ay! Had a good many laughs (and sniggers) today (at the expense of the ~~poor~~ council nominees). Oh well...

----------

(What a world it is, we have to change who we truly are and adopt a new set of behaviours to survive. But I guess it's also true that this is a test, a test of true strength.)

----------

I NEED MY SLEEP. Was planning to finish_all_my homework by Friday so that I can slack during weekends, but I guess that's not really possible now. I don't even know what I come to school for. It's so unproductive to come to school. Really meaningless. Everything is meaningless...! (Ecclesiastes)

Today I ran 2.4km! And am very happy because I beat my record. And I didn't stop running for all the 6 rounds! A first for me!

And the run snapped me out of the sleepwalking state. w00t! Guess it's really true that sports make your mind more refreshed (though not the body).

Plus I met Euni & Todds for lunch. <3 so long time no see already.

---------

Okay, so basically I'm pretty happy the whole of today. A first. ^_^ Of course, I had to be reminded of_other_things, specifically, one very happy-sad thing, but I'm alright. It feels great to be alright. Thank God!

Anyway, most of my classmates actually_know, and I didn't realize until now. Aiya. I shouldn't care already. But wahlao, how come I appear so dao to them? To the extent of being dubbed ICE QUEEN lor.

----------

Of course I regret the choice I made back then. Of COURSE I regret - but then again, it's too late for regrets. I can only hope it serves as a learning point. I learnt my lesson. Have you?

----------

JAWS XVII.

(No la, I don't really take note of the no. of shark-bite incidents that happened in NYJC library. Too many happened le. I just like the no. 17. Jiunana. Hohoho.)

Jian Xuan, Chey, Shave, Aileen and I were sitting at the area next to the computers in the lib, happily ~~bitching~~ crapping away when the shark decided to come and bite us. It happened twice. The first time, we girls 'zao-ed' and left JX there to shift the 5th chair back to its original position. (For some insane, retarded and unfathomable reason, the shark only wants FOUR, no more, no less armchairs at each round table.)

The 2nd time she came to chew us out, we were all sitting there.

"I ALREADY WARNED YOU ALL JUST NOW, WHY DID YOU SHIFT IT BACK AGAIN..." etc.

So Jian Xuan began by dragging back his armchair. Outrage was clearly expressed on the shark's face (with we girls trying like MAD to suppress our laughter. Yes we were laughing through the whole thing. It's really very very funny and ridiculous la.)

"HOW CAN YOU?! DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU CANNOT DO SUCH A THING?"

"Huh? Then you want us to pick up the chair and put it back...?"

I forgot her response la. I only remembered that the whole situation was really entertaining even though we were being scolded. And yeah, we continued to laught the whole time with the whole lib staring at us. Aiya, any scolding by the shark is entertaining lor. SOmetimes I can't wait to bump into her in the library, so I can piss her off (without really doing anything) and get thrown out of the library. It's really quite fun. (I'm not kidding. She amuses me SOOO much. <3 her man.)

Anyway, I've come to a conclusion!!! SHARK LIKES SOMEONE FROM BBALL!! Cause there were a bunch of bball guys in the area, they had FIVE (or more) chairs pulled up and so many people crowded around there and shark didn't bite them at all. Wahlao, she is so biased can. An Oreo to anyone who can guess correctly who it is! <3

Okay, so Chey and I decided to spite her by purposely drawing up extra chairs to the table and fleeing the library. Our master plan failed because someone goody2shoes decided to save our asses and removing one of the chairs. Saaaaad.

(Maybe you'll say we are very childish, but what can we do? School life is THAT boring and sickening. We have to find some form of amusement in our 'meagre existence'.)

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

2006-04-14T18:43:00.000+08:00

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well
as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings--
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

Charles C. Finn
September 1966

give thanks

2006-04-10T21:43:00.000+08:00

Think there are many, many things to give thanks for. Really.

You really shocked and terrified me today. It just suddenly struck me how fragile life is. And how close death really is to all of us. I have been so naive to assume it can't happen to any of us.

There are some people who are not so fortunate; people who never got to learn an important lesson.

I don't believe that anyone is truly useless and anyone deserves to die. Maybe I'm really too soft-hearted. But these are my true feelings. I'm a believer in redemption. You see, it all boils down to the individual's attitude, and that's my final stand.

But I'm also glad that you put your trust in me and confided in me. I am sorry I was not there for you last year. I am sorry I didn't know what you were going through. I promise to be here for you now.

Yes, there are many, many things to give thanks for.

Today was actually a really happy day. =) It felt a little productive. If only I could focus more on my lessons. Nonetheless, it's gratifying that my classmates are becoming cuter. Really. And I skipped afternoon PE, so I feel really shuang. AND I went to hang out at Macs (and then the soya bean place next door <3) with moon rainbow sky, which really put a nice end to a long day.

(We have a new PW task!!)

My mom is still as unreasonable and paranoid as ever. She still pisses me off on a regular basis but when she's not, I can tell that her mood is so much better now. She is sooo cute sometimes. I think I've become mature. I know I have to listen to what she has to say now. I know how to brighten her day and let her not always be so angry.

I went out with her to Bugis yesterday and thoroughly enjoyed myself. =)

(I hate shopping for slippers. I went from OG Somerset to OG Bugis to Bugis Seiyu to look for my beautiful pair of slippers. But it never had my size or the colour I wanted. So irritating! At least when you buy clothes it's okay to upsize or downsize by 1 unit la... T_T)

'ZHEN DE' - Zhang Shao Han

2006-04-03T18:49:00.000+08:00

very nice song!!

Today I realized that going to school is really pointless! Presentations for Lit were cancelled, I wasn't paying attention in Econs and GP, which means I only spent a relatively productive time in Physical Geog lesson.

I have decided that I really_don't_like_Human Geog.

Oh there was afternoon PE today. Pointless. The gym is quite fun. But PE is still pointless!

it's a weird world.

2006-04-03T18:13:00.000+08:00

我知道我变了. 变得连自己是谁都分不清了. 而且, 变的不只是我的内心某处. 我对你也变了... 我们之间变了...我也不知道为什么...

最近也不知道在想什么.唉. 而且我的人就是这样, 总是说错话, 真心话也时常逼不出来.

没有任何东西是可以停止不变的. 我知道的. 但如果我的改变, 行为, 疏忽曾让你感到心痛, 失望, 对不起...我的朋友. 我真的不要这样的.

'永远'存在吗? 我不知道(可见我不知道的东西太多了!), 但是我不管如何, 你一定得相信:我随时都会在这儿等着你.

好想念过去的时光...

<'EMO-NESS'完毕.>

the hills are aliveeeee -_-

2006-03-30T21:55:00.000+08:00

SOUND OF MUSIC IS NICE.

Watched (or rather, re-watched) it during my 5 HOUR BREAK on Tuesday. (YES, 5H BREAK! I can't believe I forgot all about it. I would NOT have turned up for school if I remembered...)

Ahem. Anyway, I really <3 the songs and the music. Old-fashioned me. =P I think the kids are so cute! And all the scenes with the little dances and songs. I loved them, really loved them. Heartwarming, not really cheesy at all. =) Even Do-re-mi is very nice! I think SOM's version was the original, right? If so... why is the recent version so much shortened? The full-length Do-re-mi is wonderful. Plus all the other songs!

Watched Kung Fu Hustle again after that too. -_- I can't believe this. I've watched that show at least 3 times this year... And it's not like the show gets any more or less funny, it's just that you have to watch it with the_right_people. I mean, if you were to re-watch such a comedy with a stoic person... you most probably wouldn't find the show as funny as if you watched with a group of people who are quite prone to loud laughter and guffaws... yup.

Yesh, 5 hours of watching movies at school, and I still go home bedraggled like anything. Something is wrong with me. And I am sick of this chapter of my life.

I wanna suan Kim........berly!! ;] on European & Economic Unions...

And I have so so so many vcds to watch! 'E zuo ju zhi wen' & 'Autumn in My Heart'!! Not to mention my low-quality purchase of 10 Studio Ghibli films that I haven't even_started_on. I'm screwed.

kimmy rocks

2006-03-23T15:40:00.000+08:00

Today we had our Geog block test. One of these questions showed a map of Europe and asked questions on core and periphery in the 'Economic Union'. Hey, so prestigious la, only European countries get to be within the 'Economic Union'. No wonder I never heard of it before.

To top it all off, let me do a comparison between conventional A level examinations and today's human geog paper:

A LEVEL QN: With reference to a country you have studied, blah blah blah.
TODAY'S HUMAN GEOG PAPER: With reference to a country on the periphery of the ~~European~~ Economic Union, blah blah blah.

Therefore, this year's Geog cohort was_forced_to write out an essay on Italy, which was one of the case studies provided to us and 90% of the cohort_did_not_study, the other being Peninsular Malaysia, which I am sure 90% of the cohort_did_study.

I think the A level examiners rock. I think they really do.

Ah, well!! The exam for the most terrifying subject ever, Geography is finally over. Shall not complain about wonderful chers anymore. ^__^

Yesh, I'm so relaxed about Lit (not that I'm relaxed because I'm sure I will do well, mind you - I'm relaxed cause there's too much studying to do) that I'm online again for the 4th time this week. Yes, my block tests have gone down the drain. =) ah, can't wait for tomorrow!

'Shu Ting can't concentrate'

2006-03-16T19:09:00.000+08:00

oh, dear.

help!!

I can't concentrate.

If anyone has played FFIX all the way, one would know that's a part in the game where our dear female protagonist Dagger aka Garnet suffers from emotional breakdown and 50% of the time, can't cast spells during battle. In such a scenario, a box will appear at the top of the screen, saying,

"Dagger can't concentrate."

This is what's happening to me right now. (only I'm not trauma.) "Shu Ting can't concentrate." Yay.

Haha, don't mind me. I just don't know what to blog about and I am going maaaaddd! Can't focus for more than 1 hour at a time. gosh. What's going to happen to my block tests?

Urgh. Can't wait for this to be over. Miss kbox the tv set the hardcorers my class clique my guzhengers my cousin wanna watch all my dvds and vcds and drama serials long overdue miss the library miss reading miss rainbow stars moon pal miss kino miss pastamania shopping town movies miss my freedom miss those days of doing nothing miss getting BORED cause I have nothing to do, not getting bored because mugging is the most absolutely boring thing in the world when you don't have maths as a subject anymore -

Miss school, even. Anything's got to be better than being cooped up at home with that 'study, study, study' mantra going on inside your head.

Oh, but I don't miss Seoul Garden anymore. I have had enough of Seoul Garden this year.

Oh, dear, I'm fa-xieing again. How come things like this come before every exam?!? Haha. Because there is nothing much going on in my life right now. gosh. I lead a boring life! Whee!

asdlkjabsgaifugahsd aslidasdf i hate studying~ save me~

ooo I'm hopping on the bandwagon~

2006-02-27T22:44:00.000+08:00

Yes...

...you should have guessed.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=neoshuting

Do this for me and I'll love you forever. <3 (though I'm not sure if that's a good thing.)

=) thanks a lot! muahahahaha~

boooo.

2006-02-25T19:08:00.000+08:00

youtube.com is an extremely useful place. =)

Hahaha... this past week has been one of the most tiring ones I've ever experienced. With the shadow of that terrible Geography test looming over me, I couldn't help but feel stressed all the time. I dunno what happened to me, but I have very great difficulty staying awake in most lessons now. Long ago, I never needed much shut-eye to keep my eyes completely open throughout all lectures and tutorials. Sigh. What's wrong with me? 6 hours of sleep still leaves me haggard like hell.

For once, guzheng practice was extremely tiring too. Siiigh.

But I feel better now because geog test is over! Yay! But there's still Econs test. Sigh. JC2 sucks.

I should stop sighing, hor.

Tuesday

To all NYJCians... anyone who visits the cafeteria should get a taste of Deli Inn's teriyaki chix pau!!

The name is super duper cutie, right?

SHAVE: *can barely stop giggling* Auntie, she me shi teriyaki chix pau?
AUNTIE: (in Mandarin) Aiya, teriyaki chix pau is teriyaki chicken pau lor! *sounding super sure of herself* Short form ma! Chicken the word very long eh! I thought you youngsters like to use short forms! So I use chix lor, chix is short form for chicken, no meh? Wrong arh? Chix is short form for chicken ma! Why you keep laughing? Very funny meh?

So now we have Chix Run. Chix Little. Chix rice. Chix egg. Chix wings. Chix chop. Chix pox. Chix feet. Et cetera. (courtesy of Chey & me) And now we can go up to a coward and tell him/her, "don't be a chix la, you!"

Yup... so go take a look at the small notice that's pasted on the right of the stall. =)

Hm, my thoughts are so disorganized...

Friday

Was ANITA'S birthday!=) A2 really is so sweet and creative when it comes to coming up with new gift concepts and throwing mini bashes...

Went with dear Shuyi aka Lupin to make her passport today. Very happy! Lupin is so cute. But Lupin should learn not to get so stressed up about things. =) Jiayou girl!

I'm starting to find Lit lessons a bit more productive now than usual. King Lear is actually a bit interesting because the Fool is superbly not-foolish and he always says not-foolish and witty stuff la. He is a better character than almost all the rest of the cast. King Lear is an idiot, Cordelia is not much better, Regan and Gonoril are bitches (but that makes them a bit more interesting ba), Edmund is The Bastard. But Edmund in the screen adaptation is quite shuai la, I must admit. ^^;;

Today

experiencing a headache, so I have no idea why I'm online. Guess it's (over?)exertion from the 2.6km (approx.) run I did today!! I'm damn proud of meself! I ran 2.6km without stopping, maintaining a steady pace throughout! OMG!

I am really, really suffering from withdrawal symptoms because of KBOX. I could not go with Shannen and Ade today. *sniff* Oh, well, there'll be other chances - I've been promising everyone 'after block tests'. Meh. I wonder how I'm going to scrape a visit to Kbox without parental knowledge again.

I'm a bad, bad girl.

Can't wait to watch Howl's Moving Castle! Gosh, I have sooo many movies to catch up on. I borrowed Sound of Music, Mononoke Hime, Spirited Away, A Moment to Remember (like 1000 years ago o_o) and I haven't actually watched them all. Oh, yeah, there's still my taped version of My Brother (which stars WON BIN!!...) I would have seen it earlier if the fact that it's the_taped_version didn't keep putting me off -_- Anyone wanna watch any of these with me?

Should get back to mugging Econs soon (though it's DRQ, so I wouldn't worry too much.)

Thank God for everything!

sigh.

2006-02-18T16:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I don't know why I do the things I do. Sometimes I don't really know who I am anyway. Maybe I'm very afraid that I won't like what I find... I am such an ugly, ugly person. I hate giving in. Hate being stepped on. Hate being taken for granted. Hate being so sensitive. Hate being easily hurt. Hate the fact that these traits I so despise can be found in myself.

Hurt grips me, silences me, coils me up, pastes a fake smile on my face, forms a barrier, forms a weapon that makes me hurt others too. The cycle of hurting doesn't end and it hasn't ended yet. I don't know if I am paranoid or thinking too much. But some things have to be said and done. Sooner or later. Why not sooner? (Why can't I say, why not 'never'?)

I want to run away. Run away, run away, run away.

a loooong week

2006-02-17T16:21:00.000+08:00

Ello ello. =P

This week has been eventful, and I have not had the time to update it at all!!

Anyway, Tues was V-day, I was quite happy...!! Cause of the many goodies that I recieved... hehe... I have a sweet tooth! And it felt good to give gifts with what little abilities I had. (Though I felt somewhat low at the end of the day because of... certain troubling friendship issues.) Thanks to all you gave me gifts and to all my friends. ^_^

Oh, and Adeline gave me a V-day present too! So sweet of her, I did not expect it at all! But her postcard really brightened up my day. Helps to know that there's still an ex-classmate who cares =D

Wednesday was WONDERFUL. I organised a lunch outing to... erm, a secret hiding place for my dear guzheng clique. We da-baoed lunch there and spent about one hour (or nearlly two) chit-chatting! Gosh, I reallly love them. I love them for who they are and for letting me be myself around them. It's no often I can talk so freely, but with them words come so easily! Yesh, and we have called ourselves the FOUR MARAUDERS. Guess which one I am. Ahahahaha. (clue: I'm very serious. Okay, that was a dead give-away.)

To Lupin: I love you forever!! Muacks~~ Thanks for everything. I mean it. =)

To James: I miss you! So glad that we had a chance to chit-chat again!

To Pettigrew: I think I'll try to stop being mean to you. And... yup, you know what's coming~ =P

Anyway, that place is now our secret hideout. Hopefully we never get discovered or caught there.

Oh, yeah, we pissed off our guzheng instructor...

AND yesterday was THE ONE FINALS. Whee. The soloists were okay, but the GROUPS... I don't think there was any really very terrible one. I LOVE THE ELECTRIC GUITAR. I WANNA LEARN IT. HAHA. Justin Junyi Marcus ROCKED. Their 'Breathe Easy'... It was perfect. Totally. The rock bands - well, the rock bands ROCKED, too. =/ But Li Jun Yi and Friends won the Grand Finals!! Yay!! Congrats! =D

Wahlao, that stupid bunch of bimbos sitting behind our row. Superbly desperate la. (from classmates' account) They were swooning over every single so-so looking guy that pops up on stage. Heard that they even started absurdly bitching about other people's physical appearances. They must be blind, or just jealous. Seriously, even if they really think so, they should just keep their mouths shut or at least keep their voices down in a crowded place, and try harder not to be heard by so many smarter people in the auditorium.

ugh. Did I mention I have very very very little tolerance for bimbos like these? And why am I bitching like this too? Hahahaha.

Today was an okay day. Oh, yeah, Mrs Chua took over for Economics today. SO HAPPY. For the first time in a long time I felt interested in Econs again. I was fully attentive for the whole lesson. Mrs Chua just... rocks... Sigh. WHY CAN'T YOU BE OUR ECONOMICS TUTOR!!? T_T

Oh yeah, this brings me to an important point. I HAVE DROPPED MATHS!! NO MORE MATHS FOR ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, HURRRAHHHHH. Main reason: If I have to put in extra extra effort to do well in Maths since my capability to do Maths is way below average (I am not kidding, it's only hard work that gets me anywhere), my other subjects will be jeopardised... Anyway, I feel very shuang now. At first I was feeling very terrible about it. But now I'm just glad that my love-hate relationship with Mathematics has ended at last. For, as everyone knows, love-hate relationships just don't work out. So what if for that period if time that you love him/her/it, you love him/her/it to bits?

Haha, my analogy is SO COOL MAN.

Which somehow brings me to another point. I watched I NOT STUPID TOO!! It's a great movie. Funny and sad by intervals. I actually cried, which is saying a lot. And... I <3 Shawn Lee. Totally. Even my mom thinks he's handsome, and cuter than Joshua Ang at that~ Hahahaha~

integration

2006-02-11T16:39:00.000+08:00

waaaaaaaaaaaaah. help me. liao already.

Integration sucks. I just CANNOT integrate stuff. Don't you dare come and tell me, "Haiya, it's okay la, this topic is like this one, the only difficult thing is the area and volume thing, all you have to do is just follow and memorize the formulae, apply formula here, apply formula there, can liao. It's all about applying formulae, la." I can't even do BASIC INTEGRATION.

HOW TO FIND (integration sign here) (1/2-x)^2!!!!???

Stop thinking that I can do maths, okay. FYI, my maths score once hit a SIXTY PERCENT in PRIMARY SCHOOL. And I was scoring F9 all the way for A Maths until O levels. DON'T THINK that I am good and talented at Maths, okay. Just because I have the so-called MATHS FACE. Don't think that just because I mug above the average standard of my class and am extremely silent in class, I am a stupid, geeky, unthinking, dull, boring, retarded, ineloquent, autistic, whatever person with no life, okay.

(Hahaha, what am I fa-xieing about la? Well, if I look on the bright side, at least it's more do-able than Trigonometry and AP/GP.)

Going to watch I Not Stupid II later! Yay!! (See la, slacking again. IT'S NOT LIKE I ENJOY MUGGING, OKAY. I study regularly 'cause for me, SLOW & STEADY WINS THE RACE. Think I can cheong 100m from finishing line? Sorry, I cannot. I never was able to. I am even more likely to slow down.)

(btw. I am not very pissed or anything. Okay, I'm a bit pissed. I'm pissed about my standard of Maths again. T_T)

2006-02-04T17:06:00.000+08:00

The pon star and the mugster.

What an unlikely pair of besties, no?

Anyway, the pon star and the mugster went to J8 on Friday to chit-chat and shop-shop. They ventured into Body Shop where the pon star tried to introduce perfumes to the blur mugster. Then the pon star got the crazy idea of spraying perfume on their star-keychains. The blur mugster excitedly tried to, aimed wrongly and sprayed perfume on their arms instead. Haix. Clumsy mugster. Poor Body Shop people.

The mugster has been mugging very hard today, for goodness knows what. She is very bored and tired of homework now.

But the mugster has been feeling better than usual! Maybe cause it's the weekends.

Muahahahaha. Anyway, the mugster feels that it is extremely difficult to talk about herself in the third person, so, she will switch to the first person from the next sentence onwards. Hahaha, yay, I am now talking in the first person again.

I realized that I did not blog anything about the Chinese New Year festivities. Hm... Actually, CNY was not very different from how I spent the last few years. Only that I played a lot more bridge, a WHOLE lot more mahjong and ate a whole lot more food than all the previous years combined together. (But my weight is stable. I am pro~) And yes, I am quite sick of bridge and mahjong and_certain_new year goodies. (I forgot the name lor~)

Oh, and I got to see my paternal relatives everyday. I mean everyday. Because we have the habit of visiting paternal grand-uncles and aunties on the first day, and on the second and third we go to each others' houses.

I love Lou & Yue Zheng because we four (with my sis) have formed the mandatory playing-gambling-games-without-gambling clique.

I love Deborah's house because HAZEL my beautiful beagle is there. She also has a PS set and a whole lot more games than me. T_T She has promised to lend me HARVEST MOON in June. So. So. I am very excited. Muahaha.

I love Yiling's house because it's always so big and it's my entertainment zone. The main TV is SO BIG. And not only there's a PS with my favourite Marvel vs. Capcom and all the FFs, there's also a PS2 with, um, the Sims, and all the rest of the FFs. XD AND not only are there playstation sets, there's also a library of like 300 comics in her house. (*screams*) ANNND there is always nice food there. Not to mention the nice playground there. ANNNNND Yiling has FF-AC!! OMG! Didn't quite get to finish watching it when I visited on chu 2, but I am going there tonight. OMG. *excited*

I love Shoutarou Morikubo. (Seiyuu for Kadaj, Musica from Rave and NARA SHIKAMARU. =) )

Oya, I can't wait to finish watching Kung Fu Hustle. The NYJC library's copy. I can't believe I actually laughed until I cried.

Two new New Year Resolutions:
1) STOP BEING SO OBSESSED WITH WHITE CLOTHES. T.T
2) STOP LISTENING TO ORANGE RANGE. T.T

(can you tell I'm very bored? -.-)

thoughts

2006-02-02T21:51:00.000+08:00

I just re-discovered something about myself today.

I cry most easily when I am angry.

So weird, huh. But it's true. When I get very, very angry, it becomes very, very hard for me to control myself. When I get very, very angry, I don't just release a long spew of angry and hurtful words. No, I do more than that. I cry. Kind of violently, if I may say so myself. XD

The issue was something very small. It was not all my fault. But neither was it all his fault. What got me angry was the shouting. No, teachers or figures of authority shouting at me doesn't make me angry (actually, it can sometimes make me want to laugh). You see, what they say can be as unjust as they like, but I don't really care about them, so it does not affect me as much. And when people like that are scolding you, it's not a two-way conversation.

But when it's a phone call, it becomes a conversation. And then it leaves you with no room but to respond. In this case, anyway.

Imagine a person talking very impatiently on the phone. You do your best to keep youu voice level down and not throw your ugly face because there are dozens of NYJCians around you. But the voice level of this caller just keeps rising by the second. Over something so dumb and so trivial. He is almost completely blowing it on the phone. And for what? Over a dumb and trivial matter.

It is_very_difficult for me not to get very, very angry in this case.

Not JUST because he is angry over a dumb and trivial matter. Not just that la. It's also because he is taking out his anger on me. It is not_my_fault that he had a bad day at work.

I understand. I empathise. I know that your irritance level is rocket high. The slightest stupid annoying thing or misunderstanding can make you blow your top. I know. I understand. I feel that way a lot too. So often now I come back from school with a terrible urge to maul the nearest thing in sight. Thing is I don't. And if I did vent on others, I feel bad and apologise for it afterwards...

Maybe you can't control your frustration. I know, I can't control my anger too. I must try harder. I want everyone to know that you should never, never take out your anger on others. It is terrible. In inflicts a whole lot of pain. It gets the other party upset. Before you know it, you have a full-fledged quarrel on your hands. And over what? Something extremely stupid and trivial and childish.

I felt extremely sucky. I showed my ugly unsmiling buay song face to a nice classmate as I brushed past. He didn't deserve to see an ugly sight like that... I showed it to a lot of people as I walked past too...

Know what, I think I got so terribly upset because it was my father shouting damn loudly at me. I have been screamed at by my mom dozens of times and not feel anything, but to hear it from my father is really huo shang jia huo. Dunno why. Come to think of it, only my parents can make me cry like that. Never anyone else. Why?

Sigh, an almost-good day is ruined. It is okay now, though. We are on friendly terms again. Lol, I'm talking as though me & my dad were once enemies or something o_o Maybe I should look on the bright side... Some kids live in mortal fear of their parents and do not dare to utter a single word in retaliation towards them. At least I am sort of 'allowed' to express my anger and hurt in words.

Then again, words are the most effective kind of weapon ever. Especially when you're angry. I remember someone once said that if you're angry you should never say anything. What comes out are hurtful words. I agree.

I will try to control my anger.

Aiya, what the heck is the purpose of this entry!? pointless.

happy chinese new year!!

2006-01-28T18:15:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!! 5.5 hours in advance. =)

hahaha, a new Lunar New Year = new blogskin + new blog song. Lol... Soooo here they are!

I simply <3 this song. I really do. I can listen to it on repeat again and again. I have been itching to put it up for ages. Yay for j-rock or just rock in general.

Though I dunno why this layout messes up all my font sizes... sigh. Got a headache trying to correct it all... no, I did not make this blogskin (for once) and yes, um, the colour comby is very similar to the previous one. I swear I wasn't looking for something so identical. It was just that this blogskin fitted my song perfectly. And it's nice too!

Enjoyed myself yesterday with the hardcorers! Especially the, erm, innocent chatting sessions. <3 level 5!! ;)

Must get a new tagboard too, because this one is starting to piss me off very much... I can't edit the width of the whole thing and it's eating into my other div layers...! URRRGH. The only width I'm actually able to edit is that of the big box containing the tags themselves. And if you wanna reduce it so that the message box stops poking into my journal entries, well, you'll be reading only one word on each line.

again, happy Lunar New Year everybody. Eeeee, I can't wait already. XD

siiigh

2006-01-26T18:29:00.000+08:00

don't scare me...

please, don't scare me.

Why is everything suddenly so...

so... so...

urgh. the word just slipped my mind.

But of late, everything seems to be going wrong. I can't stand this silence. I can't stand these subtleties. I can't stand all this cryptic-ness.

My world isn't shattering and no, it isn't ending, but there are bits of ceiling falling from the roof.

I should just stop self-deluding already.

It's been twelve years; I am no different from last time.

Still the extermely insecure, overly-softhearted, overly-sensitive, troubled and lonely kid you knew. Plagued with inferiority complex.

Only difference is, I can't cry anymore.

And I want to. I just can't.

let this be the last time

2006-01-23T22:58:00.000+08:00

I want to believe it's really the last time. I want to believe.

Oh, God, let it really be the last time.

memoirs pt II

2006-01-22T20:47:00.000+08:00

It just came to my mind, and I felt like blogging about it, so here it is. First of all, in case anyone., anyone at all, gets the wrong idea, I am NOT, repeat, NOT directing this entry at anyone in particular. -_- It just suddenly came to me and I thought (for once) that I should share my thoughts. Ha, ha. So, what you see below will be just another product of Shu Ting’s thinking too much again. Normal. Very normal. =)

The lines between missing somebody/something and not moving on/accepting can be blurred. But for the most part, I don’t believe that missing something means that you have not moved on. When you’re walking and you turn your head to look behind, do you necessarily come to a stop? No. Your feet can still continue carrying you forward. No doubt it will be less ‘efficient’. But, hey. Even on the journey of life we have to sit and rest and take a break sometimes. And don’t they always say ‘always take the time to look at the flowers on the way’?

Of course, if you don’t ever get up to walk again, or if you rest a little too long, why, I suppose that’s not good.

Missing is not about not being able to let go. Missing is about reminicising happy events in the past. At least, that’s how it is to me. There is nothing wrong with missing and reminicising happy events. Especially when they put a smile on your face when you’re down. Who cares if the stranger sitting next to you on the bus freaks out and changes places because you look mad just cause you’ve got a silly grin plastered on your face, or when you suddenly start laughing to yourself. They don’t know about the happy stuff you’re thinking about at the moment.

Missing something is not a sign of emptiness in your life. Yes, the things of the past are unattainable – because they’re of the past. We should not feel discontented because we can’t get these things of the past back. To miss something according to dictionary.com is to feel the lack or loss of something. I don’t think this is a good description of such a complex human emotion, but, well. After all, there are positive losses, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I am trying to say that just because you feel the lack or loss of something good/happy, it does not mean that there’s something missing in our life somewhere. (OMG, the puns…) memories are just memories, they can’t take up any aspect of our life –

- but they take up our heart.

We miss things because they were dear to us. At least we have memories of those good times, at least we can look back fondly on them. (Bleh, I don’t even know what I’m saying liao…) Because we have moved on, we have left our past behind – BUT how can we ever fully leave behind something that is dear to us? What we left behind were the tangible stuff we can’t get back. (And we know.) What we take away are the memories that can last a lifetime.

People who move on are perfectly normal. Moving on is a good and wise and normal thing. People who don’t move on, though, are also normal. I mean, there_are_such people, though they are unwise… But people who can seriously say they don’t miss anything about the past, well, I don’t believe them. Either that or they are weird and emotionless people.

I miss a lot of things. I even miss things that are still with me, that are in the present. I miss, hm, my bed, for example. I miss first three months. I miss my nokia 6230. I miss my guzheng friends and my other dear friends even though we see each other just about every other day. I miss my cousins. I miss my godma. I miss Hazel. I miss my piano. I miss badminton. I miss slacking. I miss the TV. I miss joking around with my mom. I miss Hi-Chew candy. I miss crapping with my sister, because, heck, is there ever any time to do such stuff nowadays? I miss the holidays. I miss having a lot of Time. Et cetera, et cetera.

I’m a very easily contented person. Small, small iddle widdle things can make me happy. Small, small iddle widdle memories can make me happy. You can despise me for not setting my sights high. You can despise me for being so easily contented, for being simple. I don’t care. Oh, sure, sometimes – a lot of the time, actually – I have my downs. But who doesn’t? At least overall I know I’m fortunate and that I should be content. And when I’m really content… I’m really happy. Amen.

memoir

2006-01-21T22:27:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I laughed and chatted and bitched until my tongue was tired and my throat sore. =P

Anyway, I love Memoirs of a Geisha!! It's better than I expected. 'Cause some people said it was boring... but the movie is still stuck in my head. I actually like it better than KING KONG. Maybe it's just 'cause it's more realistic, more artistic and also because I llove Japanese culture... hehe.

Now I_cannot_wait to read the book, because I know it will be 1000x nicer than the movie. From just watching the movie itself, I could already tell how condensed it was because a bestseller CANNOT just be like this... and, anyway, the movie's ending was too fairy-tale for my taste. It actually disappointed me because it's just NOT realistic that the Chairman would forgive and forget so easily and actually love her in return all this years!!

I am such a realist. =P

But I still love the movie, though I think I might not if I read the book.

The point is, I love the movie.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I watched the movie first. I have a feeling that if I read the book first, I would condemn it the way I condemned the HP3 movie. XD

The past two days have been WONDERFUL. The best days of 2006 so far. (oooh, so emo!!!!)

Oh, ya, today I sat down to dinner with full attendance in my family, for the first time in about two or so weeks. I got a very nice feeling. These Saturdays I've always been eating dinner outside of home, and on weekdays my dad usually does not come home in time to have dinner with me, my mom and my sis. So today was really, really nice. ^_^

2006-01-08T21:11:00.000+08:00

You scored as Art. You should be an Art major! How bohemian!

Art

92%

Journalism

92%

Linguistics

75%

Biology

75%

Dance

75%

English

75%

Sociology

75%

Anthropology

75%

Psychology

67%

Philosophy

58%

Theater

58%

Mathematics

58%

Engineering

25%

Chemistry

25%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

awww! I really love drawing. ^___^ too bad I suck at it.

HAHAHA biology.

And yeah, I guess I don't really like thinking too much (even though I do it too often), so Philosophy is (unexpectedly) way down the list. (Taking Philosophy is not good for me. Will make me think even more than I usually do. Which is very bad. Which will drive me mad. Yay, I'm a poetess.)

Ahem. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGGIE!! Hope it was a great one for you...!! ^___^

Saturday was Flag Day... I ended up broke... Siigh. Chey and I went around trying on 'auntie' outfits and taking pics. So fun... then we went to watch KING KONG. Gosh, I lurve that movie. And I <3>

mirror.

2006-01-05T22:23:00.000+08:00

what if I've been looking into a mirror all this while?

disliking my own reflection? and not knowing it was in fact my reflection at all?

Should I even think this much about this and everything else?

Thank you, my dearest friends... you know who you are. Thanks for providing me with those rare high, hyper & happy moments on days mostly filled with bleakness, boredom and 'lowness' now. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone.

Can't tell you all how much this means for me at times like this. Simple messages. Some not even two sentences, and yet it's all I need to know. Long and heartwarming messages. Helping me even though you were tired and unhappy too. Letters. Seeing you all before school and after school. Having fun. Crapping. Singing loud and off-key into the night...

...where we are comfortable around each other, where we can be ourselves. Where I don't need to mask/hide as much as I usually do.

If you can't be yourself, then there's just no point, right?

but we all have to jiayou. =) so cheer up, everybody.

sigh, I don't even know why I get sad so easily nowadays. Hopefully I'll get over this soon.

miss the holidays.

happy belated new year

2006-01-02T21:03:00.000+08:00

Thanks to everyone for making 2005 a great year. Thanks to everyone for making 2005 the year I felt the most alive in...

Haha, school is reopening tomorrow and like everyone else I am going to whine about how much I hate school and how much I dread going back.

And also like almost everyone else I'll do up some New Year resolutions.

1) Work_hard. And play hard. (But that's not exactly a difficult thing to do, is it?)

2)... erm. Just quote everything from Maggie's blog. =P

3) Be a better person.

hmmm...

HAIYOYO... I miss my k-box so so so much. The last time I went there was on August 9th. That was four months ago! I can't believe I could not find a chance to go k-boxing this holiday. I am suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

I WANT MY K-BOX.

Don't see how I'll find the time to go there though. And I still haven't watched the movies I wanted to see...!! I am deprived!

Can't believe I have been cooped up at home these last few days too. It's my last few days of freedom and I have to spend it at home. Especially pathetic since my homework was long ago more-or-less done.

Note-to-self: don't rush homework because when you're finally free of homework during the last few days, everyone is piaing homework and can't go out. =.=

Too bad my mom insists on getting homework done. Two weeks before school reopens she is already horrified when I say my homework is not done. @_@

Mothers are weird, but my mom is the weirdest.

Siiigh. Guzheng is the only thing I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Or I could look on the bright side and say, hey, at least there's_something_I look forward to tomorrow.

I still don't wanna go to school, though.

ta-daaa.

boring.

2005-12-29T10:40:00.000+08:00

Christmas was nice. At the bbq at my relatives' place at night. ^^ Had second childhood at the playground there. Love my cousins. We don't care who's watching, even if some of us are already in JC or approaching JC.

I want to watch movies. I haven't caught The Promise. I want to watch A Chinese Tall Story and laugh myself to death.

But then I already laughed myself to death watching the 9pm show on Channel 8. =P When Chunchun ran out of her ex-lover's house in tears, I solemnly predicted that she would be knocked down by a vehicle.

And indeed, that happened about fifteen minutes later!!

I predict that sooner or later someone will be (accidentally or intentionally) hurled off the roof of a building. Cheap tricks la. Mediacorp serials are all like this. I haven't been watching TV for a long while but I know that the most exciting thing that can happen in a Channel 8 serial is a person being thrown off the building...

Okay la, I'm being a bit biased. Anyway, Love Concierge seems a little bit different from the rest, so I'll just cross my fingers and hope.

I managed to catch Chronicles of Narnia on Monday! ^_^ with my dear cousins and my dear sister... Tell you arh, watching movies with them - at MY home, not the cinema - is terrible. =P because me, Lou & YZ have this knack of criticising the show and mocking every very cliche and melodramatic moment in the movie. =P

So I don't like Narnia as much as I should have. It's still good and highly-recommended though. XD The first half of the movie was so dark (as in, literally) and a lot of times we found ourselves staring at our reflections on the TV screen. And for the first half also, we had subtitles which were laughably inaccurate. In the end we had to turn them off because of the distraction they were becoming. Better choice, even though we still couldn't understand their speech well.

Also, it's quite ironic that the most exciting part of the movie came at the end -

- seeing the four kids all grown up!!

... haha. Actually it was quite a great movie. It kept true to the spirit of the book. (Everyone should read the books!) I can't wait for the next few movies... I think I would have liked the movie a lot better if I watched it in the movie theatre. =P

And everyone should watch Hayao Miyazaki films! They are too great! Spirited Away is just so nice. It's so imaginative and delightful. Sweet and cute and innocent! And btw, my definition of cute is very different from other people. I don't find Hello Kitty_that_cute, for example... haha... I can watch Spirited Away over and over againa nd not get tired. I watched its ending two times a day on Monday. WIth only about two hours gap in between. O_O not on purpose, but, well, I didn't get tired.

Maybe cause it takes a second time through the movie to catch some small, cute and funny details you missed out.

The detail in this movie is just_wonderful.

And the music is so so so nice! Now I wanna borrow Mononoke Hime again so I can watch it again. ^^

I still wanna watch more movies.

These days are so boring.

I have not gone out with my friends at all.

I want to go out!!

What I need most right now are my girlfriends, but somehow... I wonder.

I don't like being at home. At home I can't show a black/unhappy face or cry in peace. I think what I really need is a place where I can stop putting on a happy smiling front the way I have to for my family.

I want my freedom and my privacy.

I think I'm just that kind of person?

I don't want to go back to school.

Being cooped up at home is still a little bit better. At least I don't have to study. At least I can still be on the comp for hours or play mahjong every night.

I had a really weird back-to-school dream. I was late for school because 1) I wore home-clothes and had to rush home to change. 2) I wore PE shorts with school blouse, forgot the skirt and ran upstairs to change again. 3) I went for many toilet breaks in between.

Sigh...

pre-back-to-school syndrome, I suppose. -_-"""

sore feet

2005-12-23T21:15:00.000+08:00

Was walking practically the whole day from 12pm to 6pm. So tiring! Went out with my sis and our two cousins Deborah and Louise and our aunt (also my godma!). We were a on a mission to get CNY clothes for loooooly Lou.

Didn't regret going at all. Because it's one of those very few and rare times that all of us get to meet up at a place that is not our grandma's place. Also my godma is back in Singapore, when for most of the year she is not. I really wish my godma and her husband can settle in Singapore one day. Then she won't have to keep returning to Mongolia and be unable to celebrate CNY with us.

I love CNY. I really do. It's my favourite festival of the year. So many people to meet. So many homes to visit. The goodies. The hongbaos. Everyone in different-looking clothes. Everyone chit-chatting together. So nice. I'm actually quite excited. =P

I realized something. I think kids can be very annoying. Especially if they're spoilt. My p4 (?) cousin is like that. She can really be a downright brat sometimes. But over all I think she is still quite cute. I dunno why, I just like kids, I suppose. =) (Yes, I'm weird!)

We went to eat at Fish & Co! My first time! It was great! Between the 4 of us (not including Deb cause she's a kid =p) we shared Seafood Platter for two (the sotong and mussels rock! And I've never eaten prawns so easily in my life. Fish & Co just slit them down the middle and after that it's so easy to de-shell. I love Fish & Co man.), black-pepper <3 sting-ray and spaghetti in coriander sauce. o_o Coriander sauce is actually a bit weird and it makes the whole dish look quite disgusting. BUT the taste is not too bad. =)

Deb ordered her cutesy kids' meal. But it turned out that she was capable of eating a lot more than that. o_o In fact, my godma ate the least! She says it's her age. Hm... But if you look at the neoprints we took, you'll realize that she might actually still pass off as one of us youths...

I think my godma has a very pretty face. =)

Anyone wanna watch 'A Chinese Tall Story' with me??? It has Nicholas Tse as Tripitaka!! What a joke!! Hahaha!! A shuai ge + Xi You Ji! I have always loved Journey to the West. Dunno why. ^_^ must watch!

tired

2005-12-20T17:51:00.000+08:00

So tired. Physically and mentally. On the 18th I was low. On the 19th I was even lower. Today... I'm very tired. Probably has to do with the fact that I played mahjong from ten to twelve am yesterday and woke up at 8am. -_- I am so sleepy right now, I don't know how I'm going to sit through maths tuition later. There's only more than one week of holiday left to go, and I haven't touched the econs project thing, haven't gone running at all.

Hurt, disappointment. It's secondary school happening all over again. I'm missing first 3 months like crazy all over again. All over again. Things are always like this for me.

And...

I don't need to tell you everything. I don't need you to buy me things. I don't need you to buy me wardrobes of clothes. I don't need you to buy me 1001 boxes of jewellery. Of earrings, bracelets, necklaces. I don't want you to force me to buy something I don't want. I don't want you to spend so much $ on me. Because that's not what I need.

(Besides, you spend money like you have all the riches in the world. FYI, we don't.)

I want something money can't buy. I want my freedom. I want my privacy. I want your trust in me. And I'm not asking for much. I only want freedom to manage my money. So you can't let me go to the beach. You can't let me go to Night Safari. Sure. Fine. Just provide some better, some not-so-lame and ridiculous reasons for not letting me leave the house. Skin allergies? RIIIGHT. When did I last have skin allergies? Ten years ago? How many percentage of the population who visits beaches / goes cycling / ice-skating actually break a neck or get paralysed or die in the attempt?

I know you do this cause you care. But it's too much, I don't know how much longer I have to live with this. You always tell me, 'I buy so many things for you, you still xian dong xian xi. You don't know how fortunate you are'. But you are not giving me what I really want. I don't mind if you don't buy me anything anymore.

I just want my freedom.

I'm already 17.

(I want to get my hyperness and energy back!!!!)

Thanks hardcore for celebrating my birthday. I really enjoyed myself that day. Thank you very much. ^_^

birthdays

2005-12-15T09:34:00.000+08:00

These past few days... I have not been at home a lot. XD

So fun, I love birthdays ^_^

Tuesday
I went out with my dear Narcissa a.k.a Silly-chan a.k.a my twin a.k.a Sylvia a.k.a my pally-wally!! (Omigosh, I had no idea I had so many names for her... XD) Our first annual birthday trip! Hehe... It's really a big change being the leader for once =P pal, you must take over next year. Hehehe.

Anyway, we went shopping at Kino <3... I was there to wang mei zhi ke. As usual. Siigh. At least Sylvia bought something. We also went to wang mei zhi ke at the floor in Takashimaya above Kino. We were drooling in artfriend, because the markers are soo nice...! Did you know that one copic marker cost $5.78?! -_-" I want...!! And the complete set itself costs $900+++... o_o I was also freaking myself out with the styrofoam head model...

And the toy store there for 'rich kids'... omg... needless to say, it made us feel like kids again. I ADORE the playsets. They cost more than the lifesize playhouse (which I have sworn to get for my kids if I have any!)How many kids get to be so xing fu?!

We took neoprints at Heeren and bought matching bracelets (which really are big enough to double as anklets actually =P) and then we wanted to go to a place where we can sit down and exchange presents. So we decided to go to Cine's food court... Imagine our shock when we stepped out of Heeren and saw the rain pouring like cats and dogs! (omg, I learnt something from primary school. o.o) We had quite an adventure in the rain and got drenched (even though we were hiding under her umbrella).

SYLVIA I MADE YOUR DREAM COME TRUE!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! *evil grin* And don't worry... I LOVE your present. It's simple and very meaningful. =D haha, we have so many matching things now! HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY TODAY!

Wednesday part I
I went to Shuyi's house!! In SENGKANG!... hehe... The LRT is not that fun after all, it's no that different from MRT. Maybe because I wasn't standing up, haha. Didn't stand up after all to see how difficult it was to balance in there (according to Shuyi, she took one week!) Upon reaching there, we had to cross this obstacle course. -_-" Know why? Cause the paths leading to her block and the void deck there were practically swarming with millipedes. Had to avoid stepping on them and look down at the ground all the time...!! And I had to cross this obstacle course four times!! =P

Anyway I like your house lao-gong! =)

Had much fun with Shuyi. Cause I was there *spying* on her MSN convos and making her look possessed MUAHAHAHA. (CD PLAYER ;) ) And when we listened to her songs I took her teddy bear and made it bob its head to the music. It looks very eerie and freaky I can tell you that! I traumatised her! Muahahaha...

Oh, and she did tarot readings for me... Tarot really sounds very complicated. Interesting though... And the sad thing is, the readings she did for me were mostly always very negative. The main point of the horoscope reading she did for me is that I have to LOOK BEFORE I LEAP to avoid conflict with people around me and SPEND $$ SPARINGLY AND WISELY. Also my life seems to be made up of events that are very bad... thankfully everything will end happily for me (at least that's what the cards show.)

I won't take the readings too seriously... they're interesting though and some are fairly accurate. And of course, the look before you leap advice is useful in all aspects ;)

oh, yeah... the noodle stall at the food court at the shopping mall near her place... It has very good fried shui jiao (is it shui jiao? not too sure...). I've never eaten such good ones before in my life!! =)

Shuyi I love your present and your home and most of all, I love ya!! Thanks for everything ^_^

Wednesday part II
IT WAS XIAOJIN'S BIRTHDAY! =D 'I rulez' Vinny. The hardcorer who is always unfailingly present at meetings without excuses, always there in his own way... I'm very sorry that I could not make it for your afternoon celebration... but you had a good day, you deserved it and I'm very happy about that!

Went for dinner at Pastamania. I think I got food-poisoned there, because now my tummy hurts like crazy.

The arcade at Bishan is so tiny. Yucks. No choice though, it's the only thing we have. And the only game machine I like there is dominated by a bunch of too-pro kids. (So paiseh to play in front of them T_T) In fact so many people there were younger than us la...

Some unhappy stuff happened but I'm not going to hold grudges or think about it anymore.

I just hope everyone can be happy and stay happy. =)

this is just to say

2005-12-12T17:09:00.000+08:00

Guess what? Unbelievable as it may seem, my patience has a limit, and it's wearing dangerously thin. In fact, it's failed me about one thousand and one times in a short span of a week. I shocked even myself.

I think my problem from the beginning is that I'm too soft-hearted and I care too much. Well, guess what. I don't care about how you all look at me anymore. I don't care what you all think. Think what you like, I don't mind. I won't change your opinion. Because you might be right. Because I'm tired. I'm tired of trying, of caring and being caring. I never accomplished anything being that way.

You don't have to know anything.

You may never have known me.

Sayonara.

mahjong is addictive

2005-12-11T17:25:00.000+08:00

My friend from the US just shared something with me. If you're on a ladder and the ladder's moving backwards and falling, it's better to just let go and drop than to continuing hanging on and to fall with it. O_O Apparently, there's some 'rotational movement' when you hold onto the ladder, so it's added with your weight and ladder. If you just let go, it's only your wieght plus gravity pulling.

(Don't really understand, but omigosh, the things you learn from physics. Though I don't think I'll actually let go if I'm ever stuck in such a situation. Scary.)

I've been wanting to blog the whole week for some reason, but now that I'm finally here I actually can't think of anything I really wanna blog about =P

Yesterday there was HC meeting! So nice to see everyone again. I mean it. It's been a very long time...

Watched the TVB drama War & Beauty there. It's very interesting!! Must finish watching it...

And this week from Monday to Friday, from approx. 10 pm to 12am (at its very latest), my family has been sitting around our mahjong table playing mahjong. So fun!! I'm addicted to mahjong already. Since we play at least six rounds everyday, it means we've played about 30 rounds this week. O_O I won... um... 10 rounds? Around there. Cause I won 4/9 on Friday!! whee. ^^;;

Only qualms I have about this arrangement is that our mahjong set is the 'mini' kind. >.< Another is that once I cross the 11pm/12 am mark, it seems I won't be able to sleep the next two hours or so, no matter how hard I try, or how tired I really am. And on one of those nights the thunderstorm woke me up. Sigh... Being a light sleeper is depressing, trust me...

Can't wait to go out on Mon & Tues! =D

(seems my life is circling around my home these days. Homework, the PS, the laptop, gift-wrapping, letter-writing, piano, colour pencils, mahjong, blehhh. XD)

kinokuniya!

2005-12-03T19:30:00.000+08:00

yay!! finally finished gift-shopping. I feel so accomplished and proud of myself. Hehehe.

I was walking around in Kinokuniya for hours. My feet are so tired now, but I am very happy!!

I love Kino. I always have. But previously those many times I visited I always went straight to the young adults' section, or the comics section, and never poked around in the other areas. Today, out of desperation, I did, and I realize that in fact Kinokuniya has a lot more really interesting things to offer. Hehehe. I think I can blow off all my savings just in that bookstore... so many nice and schweet interesting books I wanna get! (Btw, I only have $17 left in my savings. T_T)

I WANT TO STUDY JAPANESE. T_T poking around in those sections makes me feel so demoralized. Everytime I saw people standing around there, browsing, I thought, 'Waa, don't torture me...' hehe... my sis has begun teaching me Japanese... the 'a i u e o'... but somehow I have misplaced the hiragana list. ^^;; what a great student I am.

I spent a lot of $$ today again. And my mom spent $$ on me again. I really feel so bad. I don't think I will shop anymore next year. I don't need to. Hehehe.

Hehehe. I can't wait to give the prezzies!! =D

---

Even though people left and right are changing and disappointing me, even though that past sense of comfort and solace is gone, even though I don't know if we can go back to the past, even though I know things will never be as happy as long ago, I will accept it and move on. Because I know for certain who will never leave me and I will be strong for them. Even if I have to be unhappy because people around me are unhappy, I will be there for them, but I won't let it get me down anymore. Worrying about someone else's problems will not solve it for them... Worrying is not the way. I will be optimistic and practise what I preach.

all-coins day

2005-11-30T09:45:00.000+08:00

...as Shuyi has so kindly termed it. XD

I thought I should blog about Monday! best Monday of my life!... but Shuyi has already got most of the relevant details down, so just refer to her blog XP...

Anyway... Monday was a really happy day! Finally went out with my usual Guzheng gang. Shuyi, Shu Hui and Weiyu. Known them for like, three years? and this is the first time we went out. So glad I took the initiative to ask them out, although I went to sleep before I helped plan it... sorry, lao gong...

Haven't been to Suntec in like forever. So glad we went there instead of CINE, TAKA, PS or something. (Though we did go to PS to take Neoprints later...) I never knew there were so many things to see in Suntec. Especially the toy shops! Saw many of those, um, dunno what you call them. Those kind of 'toys' with those mini furniture/food/stuff that you put on display. Er... I don't know how to describe them. Hahaha...

Happiest moments... They were spent at a colourful round seat. We were there twice, first to piece together our toys from the 'slot machine' thingies, next to have our cheap lunches. I really like the four of us sitting together like that. Really feel so relaxed with them (even though I have to speak in Chinese XD).It feels great to be able to laugh at least once every five minutes - whether at childish kids who thought themselves more mature than us, at kids who passed by staring at our actions curiously, or at kids going on the Thomas the Train carousel right next to us, or at the annoying and noisy Thomas the Train carousel itself.

I had to eat kunning fish, chicken drumsticks and wings without a FORK. -_-"

For the first time in my life I spent $4 at an arcade. (Haha, I'm not the arcade type, or rather, most of my friends are not the arcade type). It was very fun though! The percussion set thingy... well, me and Shuyi co-operated until yi tuan zao in Normal mode. XD I trashed everyone at Bishi Bashi (apparently I'm good at retarded games, haha)... and Shuyi and I trashed Weiyu anzd Shu Hui at the music one (though it wasn't exactly a fair match)! sigh... dunno why Weiyu and Shu Hui have so little intereszt in arcading. haa...

(SIDE-TRACKZZz:z MY DADZ HAZDZ BETTER GET THE OTHER LAPTOP FIXED BEFORE I GO BONKERSZZ BECAZZUSE Z POPS UP ALL THE FREAKING TIME.)

The Neoprints! So schweet. Sample:

Too bad we didn't carry out the pose I suggested - the Shus (me, Shuyi, Shu Hui) in front with a pouting Weiyu at the back (cause she's ostracised, she's not a Shu. ahaha.)

Hehehe. Happy day! I love my zheng-er darlings. Still remember the time they all accepted me even though I was from another class (and the only zheng SYF-er from my class.) =) Hope to go out with them again... meeting them today at school again, ahaha~

(I HAD TO DELETE THE **** ONE BY ONE! ARGH.)

urgh.

2005-11-27T14:33:00.000+08:00

I just went to a kopitiam in AMK to eat. Anyway, there, I saw a few very disturbing things. Near me there was this family having lunch. Two aunties and two girls younger than me. And among them there was this skinny guy smoking away like nobody's business. -_- Later on, there was this father and son who walked past on. The son was barely nine and the dad was just happily smoking away as he held his son's hand.

wtf?! Okay, I'm probably don't have the right to comment on other people... but I think this is just... bad... My grandpa smokes too, but whenever he smoked he went inside a room and closed the door to do it whenever we all came over to his home. My uncle smoked too, but at least he always went outside to do it.

And then there are these people smoking in front of their loved ones (as if uncles kiao-kaing and hanging out and smoking at kopitiams is not enough). Polluting the lungs of their loved ones... I just think it's weird... I'm sure these smokers also know that what they're doing is harmful. If you can't break out of this addiction, don't drag your kids into it too. Perhaps the kids would be used to alll the fumes after living so long with it, but this's no excuse. You're putting your kids' health in danger - if you don't care about yourself, at least care about your kids.

-_- (and just a little bit of info, my grandpa doesn't smoke anymore.)

update.

2005-11-26T22:40:00.000+08:00

I watched GoF the other day and got myself in love with Harry Potter all over again. ^^;;;; GoF is great. I think it's better than PoA, definitely (because PoA sucks.) Hahaha. It was Exceeding Expectations. XD

I've not been out of the house for four/five days. O_O the first timm this year. (maybe.)

I'm worrying myself over whether they will change the actors for Draco Malfoy in the future. I shall CRY if they do. JK Rowling likes the great trio, so I don't think there's a big possibility of them giving up their roles, but Tom Felton is EIGHTEEN already. Waaaah!... if they change him... I will not watch the movies anymore.

(Okay, so I'm exaggerating. I'll never make it. XD)

BUT. Don't you think Tom Felton is perfect for Draco? Don't you think so? I thought so since the first movie.

Oh, yes, I'm lame.

Okay, never mind, on to other things.

What have I done (mainly) over the past few days?

1) Obsess over Tom Felton

2) Do homework (!!!!!! o_O!!!!!)
(Because I don't have much else to do!! So... might as well. I got very demoralized yesterday, though.... Couldn't do a lot of maths questions. Doesn't help that:

ME: *doing Maths dilligently*
DAD: *walking past* HAIYA. Why you doing Maths? Thought I told you to drop? Give up la give up la!
ME: ... *hits 'next' button on MP3 player*
MUM: (translated) Wah, see la, where got pay attention, every few seconds touch your MP3! No wonder your maths grades suck!
ME: Ma, I'm getting the tutor over on Sunday.
MUM: How come? you finished everything already?
ME: ...er, no.
MUM: You should ask her to come when you have prepared alllll the questions you don't know for her.
ME: ...er, I don't know how to do anything.

Then my mom joins in with my dad. URGH. Someone please help me to get that confidence and determination back. I'm losing it all over again.

3) PLAY FF8. (for the what, billionth time?)
But this time's a bit different though. I spent those days where my sister was away (how could you?!!!) alone in my mom's room playing the PS. (Yes, yes, I hear you. A PS is lousy and outdated and old - but - it's the ONLY thing I have - and I'm very content with it, thank you very much. The only thing I gripe about is the serious lack of games to play, so if you have any PS games you don't want because your console is lousy and outdated and old, you could donate them to me. Thanks a lot!)

Anyway, I was levelling up my characters and getting them their best weapons and raising their stats and so on... and so I beat Omega Weapon! the strongest boss in the game!! *GASP* I can't stop gloating. MUAHAHAHAHAAHA.

Okay, I'm very high for reasons unknown even to myself...

I need to go out and get a life soon... Maybe go hit some shuttlecocks. Hahaha. I miss my friends!! hardcorers. Ni & Ying-jie!! Come back soon!!

(And Weiyu and Shuyi, you two will not escape our clutches! WE ARE GOING OUT! hahaha.)

sigh

2005-11-16T17:03:00.000+08:00

Yesterday my oldest best friend came over to my place. =) so happppy!!! Though we both ended up STUDYING, of all things. I even TRIED (note: TRIED) to complete my Differentiation II tutorial (which is already an accomplishment in itself!) and she did her LEP stuff. Soooooo chimmyyyy la. LEP is scary!! The Chinese poems are like foreign language to me. Must congrat Shuyi for her greeeeat accomplishment! Wheee! So proud of my hubby lor. Muahaha, I'm sure you're reading this and getting goosebumps. Anyway, after we gave up 'studying' we just hung around and did nothing and crapped and listened to music for 1+++ hour... We ended up NOT doing any of the things we had planned to do, like watch A Moment To Remember... but it was very nice anyway... Just lazing around comfortably with a close friend.

I think we're both more alike than we think. Not just because of the fact that our moms and our parents' interaction styles are pretty similar. I think we're both realists, sort of (if you want to put it across more extreme-ly, you can say we're cynics.). Yeah... we both kind of realized that everything and everyone must change, sooner or later and it's too much to hope that everything can remain just the way it is now. Some people will leave us one day, we both got to accept that fact. We both learnt to accept it and move on. Hmmm... And something you said got me speculating. Dear girl... I hope we will always remain close. If not closer than before! I know I will change and we will change and maybe we won't see each other anymore. But... I hope our friendship will not change. Yeah hunnky! Heee. Thanks for being you. If it weren't for you, I would never have known what a best friend is. Really.

(Oh, and thanks for your uber-long entry on ME, the GREATEST!!!! -_-" I'm so lame.)

My mom was uberly cute today!!! I LOVE my mommy. I really luff her so much sometimes. Today I went to meet her after school and we went to Food Junction to eat (yes, AGAIN!!) And, I ate my beloved... BAN MIAN (yes, AGAIN!!)... yup. I'm obsessive. But ban mian is addictive. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, I was chit-chatting with her about this sweet wallet-of-my-dreams and she revealed that... her mysterious birthday present for me was... A WALLET! Hahaha... and when we went home she showed it to me. It's very sweet and very pretty, and though it's not 'wallet-of-my-dreams', it's just as good and I love it! Hehe. My mom so you xin lor.

Come to think of it, my mom was never so you xin until this year...

Oh, and now she's walking into the room to inspect my hair. (She likes to do that!!!!! -_-") um, cause I went for a bit of hair-trimming today. (Yes, you won't be able to tell the difference at all. XP) My mom is so cute.

Though some things do NOT change. Like the fact that she likes to scream at us for no reason. Last night she was screaming the house down and, erm, it didn't help that I was already tired and zombified by then. I have to admit, I was the trigger for her latest screaming session. I was sitting there playing SNAKE II even while complaining that I was sleepy and wanted to sleep. She got pissed off by the fact that I tuo-ni-dai-shui-ing! So she started to scold, bringing in EVERY little bad habit of me and my sister that we ever had. Urrrrgh.

其实我不快乐. 其实我很累,你知不知道?

(II'm a horrible person, you might as well kill me now)

muahahahaha

2005-11-14T18:46:00.000+08:00

Just came back from school. =)

Just wanna say that I love my guzheng mates, especially the ex-Zhonghuarians. I didn't realize how much I had missed them until today. And I have to say I still love guzheng practices. Even though I get very, very irritated by certain things going on in there. Guzheng practices mean I can see my darlings and be myself and get to crap with them (even if I have to do so in CHINESE... hehe.). I also love playing guzheng with them. Heeee. I can't wait to go out with them! Hope we will one day. -_-"

I also miss the hardcorers. =( I just love being able to be loud and not be reserved and not hold back and to feel that I'm somebody. The past few days without them were so boringggg.

OP is over ~

2005-11-07T18:14:00.000+08:00

Today we had our OP... I'm so glad it's all over! My performance was not its best today... I stumbled a bit... haix... but on the whole, I think our group did very very well today! =) I love Girl Power! Mel, Rachel, Ying Hui... couldn't have asked for better teammates. Hehehe...

Mel and Shave ps-ed Rach and Mary and me today la. How can.

But I ate my beloved Marinara! At $6.20!! After starving for like SIX hours though. WHEE~

Just wanna say a final few things... I miss the hardcorers... and I miss my best friends badly. Sometimes, they make me... wonder. And... I love my sister, really... She always manages to perk me up even though she doesn't know it... With her I can laugh and snort and poke fun and mock at everything that's walking on the screen, and she will laugh really unladylikely with me too and we just collapse in our little world of psychodom. I love my mother too, even though she is too intelligent for my own good. I dunno why I did not inherit her intelligence genes, because if I did, I would have been smart enough to realize that she is too intelligent for me to hide anything from her. Finally, I wanna say sorry to someone (you know who you are), and also... thank you.

Anyway, don't bother checking back here anymore. Don't think I will be updating for a while. Even if I do, expect to just see impersonal rubbish. I will close myself up now.

girl power

2005-11-06T22:51:00.000+08:00

Hey my dearies.

You all probably wouldn't see this in time, but anyway, I just wanna say...

JIAYOU FOR TOMORROW!

We can get that EE.. and that A! Too bad we didn' try the subliminal perception thingy... hehe...

Anyway first of all I must thank Mel for the beautiful and very touching video for all of us. And to Rachel for her (shockingly nice!! XP) postcard. And to Ying Hui for her sweet testimonial. And to Marilyn for being the invaluable teammate that she is! Mary, I hope you are in peak condition tomorrow!! I hope we all PEAK tomorrow! Yeah!!

It's been a great time with you all. I really enjoyed the times we had together. We had so many problems with our project but we never fought. And we always managed to make every meeting efficient and valuable and even fun at times. We really had fun at Pulau Ubin that unforgettable day.

I am going to miss working with you all. Oh no, I don't want to do PW again (who wants to?!) but I'm so glad you all were my teammates. Through it all, we've now become friends for life. *hugs* So jiayou everyone! Our hard work will pay off. Then we can go and celebrate. Mazybe visit PU (!!!!!) again.

Our six (or so) months together... It all ends tomorrow... That feeling can't really sink in yet. Hehe...

I HATE LOSING THINGS.

2005-10-27T20:59:00.000+08:00

This is just to say that I hate losing things. Two weeks (?) ago I lost my beloved Nokia 6230. Today I lost one of my earrings and my Chinese exercise book. Yes, the same exercise book I think I lost about a few months ago. Yes, I lost it again (in fact, I can't remember if I ever found it back then.) Yes, it's the exercise book with at least a hundred different cheng yus and ci yu explanations I've painstakingly recorded down all through my Chinese prelims and O levels in Sec 4. Yes, I'm very xin tong to have lost it. T_T Even if I weren't taking Chinese now, I would still be very xin tong to lose it.

[sidetrack: My classmates are a really fun and psycho bunch of people. =)]

another pointless update

2005-10-24T21:22:00.000+08:00

Because I'm in a GOOD mood today. *all smiles*(so scary, huh!)

This blog song rocks! Cause it's by JAY! And it fits my blogskin! And it fits me because my humour also occasionally has a tendency to lean towards the dark side. Hahahaha.

Anyway... why am I in a good mood?... because... PW gives me a sense of satisfaction! HOho! We are nearly done! Mel is doing so much work with the slides though. Jiayou baby!! Mwahahaha. I love my pw maties. Most of all, PW itself! I will be so so so very depressed when all this is over. The schools need to have PW every year! Argh, why didn't they have PW in my four years of sec school life? I would have enjoyed mah sec sch life so much more. T_T

Yes... I kee siao liao.

Today I also talked with someone over the phone, and I went 'gai gai' with Shannen (as if J8 is a very nice place to gai-gai at actually XP)... And I realized the tens of thousands of things I wanna buy! I need to get

- slippers
- sling bag
- 'hoop' earrings (I dunno the exact term ^^;)
- er, clothes.
- mp3 player!!...

I sound so bimbotic la. I think you all are gonna look at this, nod and go 'Glad you know.'

I realized I should appreciate certain people more because certain people are very nice to me. Hahaha. Also, Shannen said I should just wear whatever I want to wear. I think she's right. So from now on I shall just wear whatever I want to wear. Don't gape at me if you see me passing by on the streets, k! But I still don't have enough faith in my taste. Everyone says my taste is weird la. (But definitely not as bad as Marilyn's XP XP XP)

Oh, ya, I came up with this (too excited though it's not confirmed yet)

% of Songs In My (Imaginary) MP3 Player (according to Language.)
CHINESE - 50%
JAPANESE - 30%
INSTRUMENTAL - 10%
ENGLISH - 5%
KOREAN - 5%

So ironic. I'm actually the most biased against songs of the language I'm most fluent in. O_O

I am addicted to FULL HOUSE. I need the DVD. *pines away* I actually like it better than Stairway to Heaven because nothing happy actually happens in Stairway to Heaven... FULL HOUSE is TOO cute. Though it gets kind of predictable and repetitive at times, but then again, so is Stairway to Heaven. The bad guys get caught but the ultimate good guy suffers a worse fate than the villains. Which is really, really sad. Why am I only watching Korean dramas these days? Haha.

I still suspect that I may like Da Chang Jin better than these two because it has a really nice plot and really nice music, even though the people all look very boring. I thought it was very boring at first too, until I actually got down to REALLY watching it. I need that ending theme!!!!!!! tried searching on baidu.com but they only gave me the lousy Chinese version. Me sad.

oh no!

2005-10-22T08:11:00.000+08:00

I can't believe this!

I can't believe I'm actually starting to... to... l... like...

...I ACTUALLY LIKE 'HAO JIU BU JIAN'!!

(esp. the violin solo part near the end. )

*kills self* XP

I love this song!! ^^

2005-10-21T17:55:00.000+08:00

Just heard it and I was reminded of how much I loved this song!!!

哪里都一起去
一起仰望星星
一起走出森林
一起品尝回忆
一起误会妒忌
一起雨过天晴
一起更懂自己
一起找到意义

[我爱你 - SHE]

The lyrics above are my favourite lines of the song. ^^ Change encoding to unicode to view it, hehe.

The whole song is very pretty. So very 'drama', I know, but that's the way I like it. Can feel the... power, the passion, the LOVE. hahahahaha. Shall not try to be lit-tish here. heeeee. *starts singing 'WHERE IS THE LOVE', is spastic*

2005-10-21T17:46:00.000+08:00

I'm always telling people not to think too much, but I admit I'm guilty of committing the same crime.

I just can't help it. There are always a million-and-one questions, a million-and-one issues surfacing in my head at the same time.

Anyway, this is just to say not to expect too much from my blog. I am always honest in my entries, but I never give the full picture, I never put in much of what I feel and think. Everything I write here is so superficial I get sick sometimes looking at it...

I am only human. I am also capable of anger. Just like you are. Just like everyone else is. I am also capable of sadness. Just like you are. Just like everyone else.

And yet I am not like everyone else.

For the first time this year... I can feel myself plunging headlong into... not depression. That's not the word. It could be confusion. Something kinda close to that...

PW PW PW PW PW PW

2005-10-20T20:29:00.000+08:00

haha. Our group is seriously obsessed. We're working on PW everyday. XP... We're already into making slides for OP. hohoho. Hopefully we can take a break and have a kit-kat tomorrow! Cause Mary and Rach are going to MJC. Okaaay there IS eye candy there but is not worth my time to make one looong trip there to catch a glimpse of them. hehe. But on Saturday we're going to pia OP for at least 12 hours or so. Wheee.

Have to say I love my PW maties though. Hehe... and am really proud of the progress we are making. Think we can get a good grade!!! =)

Have to say I suppose I am sort of satisfied with my current grades. All I will comment is that I think I'll most likely drop Literature more than any other subject. I did shittily for both of Anne Victor's sections, really... I don't have as much confidence in Lit anymore (as if I had a lot to begin with.) I will work hard for Maths! And prove myself worthy of an A! Mwahahahahaha.

Today got a letter from pally-wally! Soo happy! Haven't talked to pal in forever, so it felt so good to chat with her. Also very glad that I didn't fall out with my other best friend. The long, very deep conversations I've had with these too... And I miss Shuyi and Weiyu and Shu Hui too. Miss hardcore too... PW is taking up all our time I suppose. Oh welL! We'll always have a chance to gather after OP. everyone, jiayou!

hello!

2005-10-15T22:37:00.000+08:00

(ATTENTION TO ALL. MY COMP HAS OFFICIALLY GONE BERSERK, AND NOW I CAN'T TYPE THE LETTER THAT COMES AFTER Y,SO I WILL REPLACE IT OFFICIALLY WITH *.)

(ALSO, it's superbly irritating because when I DON'T want that spastic letter to pop up, it DOES. Usually in a long anzd never-ending string that annoys the hell out of me. If you see any typos here, you have to excuse me.)

*deep breath*

Something happened lately. Anyway, I'm glad it got settled (or not yet, maybe...). I feel a little more relaxed. A little less tense. A whole lot more calmer. My bitchiness faded away.

Thought I should blog before I clog up my blog (...) with a lot of qui* results no one wants to see anyway. Hahahaha...

The past few days.. were okay ones. NY'S Open House was quite pathetic. (I mean, not many people would actually prefer to visit the third JC in rank from the bottom.) I did not see many visitors around, especially early in the morning... and as I was telling my friends, a large proportion of these visitors are actually here for reunions with their old friends. Hahaha...

The whole bottom section of my right arm (from my wrist to my elbow) is... bruised. (Somewhat.) XP It's from all the shifting around of the stupid gu*hengs. I like to hold them to my right. So the thing bumps into my hip. I think if this continues a few years down the road, my right will look significazntly smaller than my left. I may fracture my right hip bone or something. HAHAHA... not to mention that strings cutting into my skin. Carrying it around once in a while is fine, okay, no-big-deal. But it is not when you have to do it three days in a row.

(I cannot, CANNOT help noticing that some g* members are always slacking while my friends and I do so much. We always go back and make second, even third trips to get all the stuff back and forth between the performance area and the practice room. But they always make one trip, and say they've done their share. WTH.)

Shall stop bitching behind their backs. No point. I will stop before my blog starts becoming known for its bitchiness (though I don't think I will go that far, but it's human nature to find it hard to stop once you've started, isn't it?)

hm. I have to say, I truly enjoyed the g*heng sessions. EVen though the songs were very boring. But I missed gu*heng. And I missed my dear friends. I always feel so relaxed with them. They are just such cute people. Heee. Really_must_go out with them soon. =)

Played a bit of pool today. WON YH!!!! cause she hit in the black ball. I really think that I always make my opponents hit in the black ball... it accounts for 90% of the reasonsz I win... but I got trashed by Vinny.. it was obvious even though I cut off the game halfway. XP

And Shave's mini-birthday session on Wed was the ultimate. It was very entertaining. XP

HAPPY (BELATED) BIRTHDAY TO JIAPEI AND SHAVE!!! =D

Could not attend Jiapei's pool party... really sorry. hope it was fun though! (it's probably still going on now...)

I hope my grandfather comes back soon!

2005-10-12T09:45:00.000+08:00

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant.
Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.
In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.

You are unique, creative, and expressive.
You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.
And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

haha... I suppose this IS kind of accurate. XP

Went out with YH, Shave, Chey, Rachel, Jian Xuan and Kitson yesterday. We went to Seoul Garden at Taka, but *horrors of horrors* it wasn't there anymore! So we had to go to Bugis for our Seoul Garden... and had to wait at least half an hour because apparently everyone who realized that SG at Taka was gone headed over to Bugis instead. Full house. x_x

Then Kitson, Yh, Chey and I went to watch Tim Burton's Corpse Bride!!! =D It's a super nice movie. So cute and so funny at intervals. Hehehe... I ADORE the piano duet. Chey and I prefer the Corpse Bride. Kitson and YH prefer Victoria. I dunno which side is weird. =P

in a weird mood now. Hm.

i'm hungry!

2005-10-08T12:52:00.000+08:00

why is there NO privacy in my house?

Wanna know what it's like living under the Nazis? or Bolsheviks? How about the Japanese Occupation?

Urgh. try living in my home.

I'm bored

2005-10-07T13:11:00.000+08:00

7 things that scare the hell outta me
1. Losing my all my loved ones and friends
2. Solitude
3. Going blind, deaf, or losing my hands and/or legs
4. Anything of the above happening to any of my loved ones
5. Insects (uh-huh)
6. Ghosts. o_o (okay, laugh at me!!!)
7. Dying before I experience everything life has to offer...

7 things I love most
1. My family.
2. My friends (especially those special few people)
3. MUSIC - makes the people come together, yeah
4. FOOD! !!!11
5. My laptop(s)
6. My CDs
7. God.

7 important stuff in my room
1. bed
2. my two pillows + my bolster!
3. my RADIO!
4. the fan
5. my books
6. my *crap collective* ;)
7. erm. The blinds!

7 random facts about me...
1. I am hungry 3/4s of the time!!
2. I love blue, white, pink, purple and black!
3. I get bored easily.
4. I write with my right hand and play racquet games with my left hand. o_o
5. I don't like authority.
6. I... am given to bouts of insanity. o_o (er, really. I think I am most likely to suffer from mental illnesses more than any other kind of illnesses... haha.)
7. I'm drinking water while typing this.

7 things I plan to do before i kick the bucket..
1. Tour the world!!!
2. Sky-dive!!!! I wanna know how that free-falling feeling is like so that I can stop wondering when I look out of the window. Ya, my *suicidal* inclinations scare me. And I live on the 20th storey la. o_o
3. Spend allllllll my money!
4. Get in big big + exciting trouble (and out of it) XP
5. Give my mom and dad a good life
6. Marry and have kids!!
7. Watch my kids and my friends grow up and become successful people! (haha, I think so far ahead)

7 things that I can do.
1. A lot of stuff (but am not particularly good at anything)
2. Draw (sorta!)
3. Look *guai*/*dao*
4. Listen
5. Type and write really fast
6. Go down the stairs really really fast
7. Sing

7 things I can't do
1. Stay sad/angry for more than two hours at a time
2. Do a Maths paper without a SINGLE careless mistake.
3. ...rap? (Oh wait! I can rap 'ba wo hui lai le! And 'Last One Standing'! hahahaha)
4. Not say/do something stupid and embarassing at times (not that I want to la!)
5. Change my image (can't help looking guai ma... it's how I was born to look like!)
6. FOCUS while studying
7. Eat bitter stuff. *yucks*

7 things I say the most
1. Huh?
2. What? What?? What?!!!!
3. What happened?
4. OMG.
5. Tell meeeeee!
6. EEEEEEEERM.
7. ....
(I sound like a bimbo...)

7 celeb crushes
1. Won Bin!
2. Jay Chou
3. Edison Chen?
4. ?
5. ?
6. ?
7. I agree with Sweez, I respect celeb's abilities but I can't bring myself to worship them... haha.

7 people who have to do this
1. LI JUN YI
2. Yvonne
3. Vincent
4. Cheeki
5. Louise
6. Sylvia
7. Jeness
(mainly just stating people who haven't done it yet =P)

I hate to say this, but...

2005-10-03T19:08:00.000+08:00

*takes a deep breath*

NY SUCKS!!!

hahahaha.

that was out and over and done with. WHEEEEE!!

I don't really care who reads my blog (Esp. to teachers. If teachers supposedly read students' blogs to see if they're writing bad stuff about them, well, I think they jolly well deserve the bad things that the students would/have said. I mean, it's like the Chinese saying. If you haven't done anything to provoke your conscience, why bother if people say anything bad about you? =) )

Quote of the day from Vinny: "You don't want to sound like the old windbags who wrote your lecture notes."

HAHAHHAHAHAHA!!

*giggles* oh no! I'm too stressed and going mad. WHEEEEE

By the way... the Geog paper sucked... I suppose in EVERY EXAM, something has to happen that has never happened to me before. In this case, it was... *drum roll* TIME MANAGEMENT. Always prided myself on finishing my paper on time. Always. It didn't happen this time round. I have no hope for Geog anymore. Human geog sucks more than physical geog (and the point is, Physical Geog does NOT suck.)

One more thing... I still haven't gotten over my Maths paper... I am still brooding over it everyday. Cannot help it. *melancholy sigh*

K, shall go download stupid econs answers from litespeed!! But apparently they are NOT THERE. -_-" And those that are are crap. What on earth is wrong with this school? Why didn't I go to AJ or SA or MJ when I could?...

(Actually. That was a stupid question. I know the answer perfectly well. And it's probably not a great reason, but it was worth it. I'm gonna do my best in this school, no matter what it takes. A ticket to NUS is all I need.

Ja ne. And good luck for your exams!!! =) )

maru is bored

2005-10-01T20:55:00.000+08:00

I AM VERY BORED!!

I AM SERIOUSLY BORED. I've read through the same set of Econs notes at least a hundred times now. It's so boring. Nothing to digest. Nothing to understand because I already DO. It's all so repetitive to me already. SOOO BORING!... I suppose this is just the result of taking two heavy Humanities. (At least studying Literature is interesting.)

Could barely concentrate the whole afternoon. In the end I suffered so much from withdrawal symptoms that I took out my badminton racquet and did some serving. Didn't really work out cause the ceiling was tooooo low. Sad huh.

I know, I know. I'm going mad! Because of boredom! -_-"

And for some reason, I am very high todaY. couldn't really focus on my studying. Sigh. At least I gao-dimed plate tectonics. And about 50 % of slopes. Can't wait to study weathering tomorrow. It should be easy-peasy! I'm not looking forward to studying human geog though. And memorizing the econs stuff. SOOOOOOO BORING.

The Chinese paper sucked. Don't think I will do well for the essay this time. The GP compre paper sucked... and I think my essay was mediocre too. I don't wanna think about the maths paper anymore. I could have gotten a distinction, but I screwed up. How? Simple. Just two words. The first starts with 'C'.

Sigh. I dunno how I'm going to get over this... this stupid mental block or whatever.. no one loses 20 marks to carelessness... no one except meeeee!!

- TO DO LIST FOR AFTER EXAMS -

- SHOPPING SPREE with hardcore gals!
- SHOPPING SPREE with mom and sista!
- draw!!! (haven't doodled in like forever)
- go out with hardcorers
- go to Marche with YH & Chey & Shave etc
- get new frameless specs! WHEE!
- get a sling bag
- get dad to teach me tennis and to bowl (properly)
- watch The Corpse Bride
- watch Goblet of Fire
- watch Shen Hua
- watch Wu Jian Dao 3
- watch FULL HOUSE
- catch up on manga reading
- borrow manga from Yiling (hahaha)
- go for guzheng (I miss guzheng (!!!))
- go out with hardcorers
- go out with my three guzheng darlings - laogong, jie and Shu Hui (who apparently, er, is no blood relation of us. Yet.)
- go out with Valerieeee! (miss Val...)
- go out with looooooooooly lou. (touched?)
- go out with... someone XP
- stop psing my classmates!
- birthday trip with pally-wally Sylvia! hoho
- run 2.4km every weekend (!!!)
- design new blogskin(s). hah
- did I mention going out with hardcorers?

last but not least...

...WORK ON PW!! WHEEE-HOOORAY!!! (why am I so enthusiastic?!!!!!!)

jiayou for exams, everyone! whee! gambatte! you can do it! yeah~~~~

*too high / too stressed - dunno which*

updatessssss

2005-09-24T18:56:00.000+08:00

omg. my comp is officially dying. Know why? Because of the stupid solifluction diagram the NY geog teachers put up on Litespeed. It is, like, you know, THIS big. As if my comp wasn't lag-ed enough already. -_-"

and another thing. We geog students just recieved the final bit of the syllabus that's included in our promo exams - on Wednesday and Friday. Eight/seven/six days before the examinations. WTH?! Plus it was rushed through at 3 x 10^8 m/s la. If you can't finish teaching it properly and ensure us that we understand fully what was taught, then don't put it in the freaking examination, for goodness's sake. How can you expect us to finish studying everything?! and it's not like Geography is the only A level subject we take.

brrr. Just did the 2003 promo paper for maths 9233. Don't know if I should be happy or sad.

NO. OF MARKS LOST TO CARELESS MISTAKES: 21
NO. OF MARKS LOST TO, ER, STUPIDITY?: 35
NO. OF MARKS SCORED (APPROX.): 44

well. I suppose it's a start. hahaha... is that one mark away from an E grade, though? I really hope I get an E. haha.

I think my Geog grades are going to drop from that *A* though. I've not been putting time into it. Which is really sad...

I can't wait for exams to be over, seriously... I can't wait for my mp3 player (if it ever comes), to go out with hardcorers again, hanging out at Euni's house (I miss your house, NINI! haha), turning in early at night, spending two looong hours at the piano, that incredible feeling of knowing that there is NOTHING to do... This is hell la. Mugging day and night... don't have a choice though. I have to work hard for my MP3 player... and my freedom. Sigh.

*misses hardcorers!!* T_T

studying rox

2005-09-18T17:20:00.000+08:00

of course.

Just remembered a time in class when Chey-rl, Rach and I were crapping about pimples. How to memorize Geog facts easily? Simple. Relate it to your face.

- pimple = volcano. (started by me)
- string of pimples = island arc
- biggest pimple = Hawaii
- When we are young, our skin is smooth and flawless ie. = divergent plate boundary.
- When we are old, our skin is not taut and it 's full of wrinkles ie. = convergent plate boundary with a lot of folding
- 'hollow' between chin and neck = tafoni/niche

yeah. we rock. (OMG, the irony.)

hahaha, I love how some of my classmates and I can get psycho together. Like on Friday. *points to tagboard* See. They flooded it. We were all in the computer lab together and typing and fighting over the keyboard and mouse like crazy. Yesh, we are nuts. The lab teacher got fed up with us and scolded us. "WHEY! TAI CHAO LE! SHEN JING BING AH!!!!!!!!!!" O_O Haha, it was_quite_scary. Well, at least he didn't chase us out.

I'm very sorry to Marilyn and Mel... for fooling around when you two were pia-ing away for the WR... sorry, I will do my part next time.

Oh, and I am supposedly in deep shit because I ponned Chinese lesson two days in a row. Not that I've ever ponned before actually. Blah. Do I care? What can the school do to me? No, actually... What can NANYANG do? hahahahahaaha. The stupid school and its stupid systems are so screwed up. Don't wanna go into details. blehhhh. =X

Have been getting very stressed recently. I cried on Friday night. Like, really cried. Haven't done that in a long time. Felt a lot better after that. But I am still very stressed though. I don't have a single subject that I can really depend on. Ah, well. I should paint a banner that says "MP3 PLAYER" and hang it on the wall to motivate me.

Which reminds me, what am I doing online?

Vinny is not back yet =X Get well soon!!!!!!111 Hardcore misses you.

I keep getting happy some moments and sad the next... I always feel melancholy especially around the hardcore gals... Because we always get to talk to each other about personal stuff and what is bothering us and everything, different from talking to our classmates... And these days... there's not a lot of happy stuff. Yup.

Don't get the wrong idea, it's not that I don't want to talk to them. Being with the hardcorers everyday after school really means everything to me. They relieve me, take my mind off so many things, even if only for the too-short amount of time I spend with them... getting to talk, as in, TALK with you all, it really keeps me going. *hugs* Thanks, everyone.

oh, yeah.... the magic show rocked. Hahaha.... Cheeki spoilt the OHP... joke of the day. Lol. Have been seeing Franni the sheep/drama king a lot nowadays. =)

Add to that a pissed dad telling me off about my phone bill and a mom going on one of her looooooongggg lectures and you get one very pissed off me. Hm. I took it out on my mom. I = very very very horrible person. Yup.

(Sorry.)

2005-09-15T19:54:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNI-BALLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you had a great great great great great one!! *huggles* Love ya forever and forever da jie jie Euni!! Can't believe we've only known each other for nine months =P

Heeee...

wish I could say I was happy today, but I'm not... I got demoralized three times today... I'm very, very tired... About a lot of things... mainly academically related. Have been stressed out lately... tests, and test results, and this and that... I am very tired. With my class I have to struggle to have something to say, something to do. I'm detached, out-of-place. I can't really say it's not my fault but really... today was the most _sian_ day so far. There were these momentary happy moments all over the place... especially after school... and I did not regret going for the final PE session of the year, squash and the gym were fun. But overall... well...

Went to visit Vinny yesterday!!!! miss Vinny. Everyone does. It's just not the same without him poking and doing his best to annoy us... He's still the same old Vinny though... whee. QIAN JI BIAN 3!!!!!!!11111

GET WELL SOON XIAO JIN!!!!

hahaha...

Happy birthday in advance to Euni-corn!!!!!!!

2005-09-11T18:35:00.000+08:00

Haha... it's so cute... to turn on my laptop and read everyone's different versions of yesterday's hardcore outing!! So now I give my own account. I predict that it will be very long-winded and draggy (because I always write like that, haha.)

Oh, btw... I just had Maths tuition... it lasted at least four hours. Can you believe it? Four hours of Maths. No - take 2 hours off that. I spent a total of 2 hours stoning while waiting for my tutor to solve my questions... Sometimes I kinda doubt her, but hey, she took F Maths (!!! I can't believe I never knew that til today and she's tutored me for two years ++) and scored an A for it. What was ironic was the fact that in her prelims, she got a A for F Maths but C for Maths 9233... o_o haha.

My differentiation tutorial is littered with careless mistakes, which is soooooooo great. My dad just suggested that I go for therapy to see if I can get over this mind-block and stop making careless mistakes. Seriously, if there's really such a thing, I would go for it. Hahahahahahaha.

Anyway... Yesterday we went to celebrate Euni-ball's birthday! It was sho sho fun, as usual. Hee. We went to TPY central early in the morning. HM... There I came to the conclusion that although Eeyore is very very quiet and very very wols, he is actually a punk. If someone punches Eeyore's ears and puts an assortment of ear studs/earrings in them, or hangs a skull necklace around his neck, I shall be very very amused indeed. Wahahahaha.

Erm. We went to WHampoa CC to play badminton! (BTW, I have heard of that CC before! So it's not really that ulu... or maybe I just have good general knowledge, HAHA)... I have to say this... I LOVE badminton... and yesh, I'm very hyper over it. It's just damn sad that I suck at it... but hey, this is nothing new, I suck at everything that I love. XP (no, really.) Hahaha... anyway, watching the PROS play is very very demoralizing but very very nice, and who cares if I suck as long as I still like it and have fun?

I must have been out-of-practice!!... the first ten or so times I tried to serve, I failed... and usually my serving is more consistent than my attacking, so... ya. Poor birthday girl!! Euni got hit the most number of times during the whole session. (Sweez was the biggest culprit, but I think I hit her once too... sorry girl!! =X) Btw, Cheekis is very very scary when it comes to badminton... especially when later in the day we were playing badminton in a carpark with all these cars around and he was using his full force to hit the shuttle... if he did hit any cars I'm sure we would see a dent.

After we left the CC, we saw something very interesting! We saw a chicken! o_o Running around on the other side of the road! So, happily, Cheeki and Crispy went to chase the ~~cheeki~~ chicky. Some guy told them to go catch it. So they did... but the ~~cheeki~~ chicky got traumatised and... crossed the road1!!!!! hahahahaha! It's a joke brought to life. Lol. It nearly got hit by a bus and a car, but thankfully, it managed to avoid them... and, being very fickle-minded, the ~~cheeki~~ chicky crossed back to the original side of the road again. We all left before we could see the fate of the ~~cheeki~~ chicky.

(no offense to cheeki. XP)

Then we went to YH's house for lunch and to watch Twins Effect I. It's quite a nice show! The plot is kind of cliche, to the point of being lame, but hey, there were these twists, and Edison Chen was in it, and it was funny. ^^ The ending is just silly though. At the end of it all, the da sao and the sister smiled at each other. SMILED, when the sister's brother, also the da sao's future husband (if he had lived), just burst into ashes in another room a while ago. o_o Why on earth do all action movies end like that?!! It just spoils everything. Oh, and the part when Edison and TWINS raced toward the screen... three new vamp slayers? Er? Edison was practically useless through the whole movie (other than being eye candy. XP) hahahaha...

Then, me being overly hyper, dragged Von to play badminton with me (again!) Then we played against two of the pros, David and Cui... They traumatised us!!!!!!!!!!! -_-" Everytime they won, they... er, never mind. Anyway, the point is they were very high and they traumatised us. (Actually, everyone was very high yesterday. Esp. the guys. Which is a good thing, I suppose...) Never mind. According to my darling Von, it's just that our rackets cannot handle the force of our overly-strong love.

There were a lot of distractions during our 'match'... like Josh/Euni riding around on a bike... or Josh giving Shannen new names (haha!)... Shannen was standing to the side, holding a basketball, looking very weird... Shanana + basketball = error... XD Oh, and vinny was not very high... shockingly... poor vinny... it is weird without him being around to annoy us... hehe...

I left early... I did not leave in a good mood... for reasons that I won't put here... but yesh, I was very sad to leave so early. I didn't have a choice though. I just got grounded, I can't go to my grandma's place or church anymore, and Nana's celebration will be my final outing til after my promos - on the condition that I go home for dinner that day. T_T so I missed the pool session. (And someone had to suan me about it!! >:( ) haha! me very jealous. heeeee.

I can't wait for the next hardcore outing!! My final one... T_T

Anyway. Today is the last day of the Sept holidays. It didn't really feel that much like a holiday. WHen it started feeling like one, alas, it was over. I can't really enjoy my last few hours of holiday either. I have a geography test tomorrow - and yes, this is the time to start asking myself, WHAT AM I DOING ONLINE??

haha... maru signing off here...

rejoice!

2005-09-07T22:01:00.000+08:00

I updated! hahahaha.

First of all, I wanna say... SOMEBODY SAVE MY SORRY ASS!! I misplaced my rock weathering notes... the first set... and... YES, I DID misplace it long ago and YES, I forgot all about photocopying it from someone else until today. Great! I'm going to fail the test on Monday. As if I haven't failed enough already.

Secondly... I would like to wish Sweez a happy 17th birthday!! (even though today is his third official day of seventeenthdom... haha!) I really, really, REALLY had a great time on Monday. ^^ It's so nice having (almost) alllll the hardcorers coming together again. Pool was great!!... as great as it can get when you have Vincent nagging at you nonstop about "stabilizing, stabilizing, stabilizing..." The dinner and seeing dear Maggg was great!!... but I'm officially banning myself from pasta for a week! (oh, wait, I just remembered... my mom is going to cook spaghetti tomorrow. -_-") AND the Neoprints were great!! Squee!! Only problem is, our mafia king and the birthday boy weren't in a lot of them... o_o the irony... and when YH and I called for everyone to act *dao*, apparently not a lot of people heard us. -_-" hahaha! But they were the nicest and most updated neoprints of our clique so far though! If only EVERYONE'S face was inside. hee.

haha. Please be reminded that pranks and tricks concerning PROJECT WORK are dangerous to a person's mental health. I nearly got a panic attack when Mel and Rach convinced me that our WR needed revising all over again. -_-" good one, girls... haha.

Anyway. I can't believe that we're going out two Saturdays in a row when promos are like two weeks around the corner... I'm officially grounding myself. I am going to show my mom that I have the sense and ability to mug HARD, just so my mom can let me out of the house. Hopefully. Also, if anyone sees me online for more than two hours at a time, please, um, do something and get me off. Haha.

Happy Tiring Day

2005-08-31T20:33:00.000+08:00

This whole week has been tiring. I haven't had time to properly rest or MUG at all. Sunday was like the most stressful day of 2005, ever. I had to collate everyone's sections of the WR and edit the typos, grammar mistakes and change font size + font spacing and everything. OMG. It was horrible... though I think I have to get used to it because I'm sure there'll be even more stressful times ahead. WHY DO WE HAVE TO DO PROJECT WORK?!! -_-" It's sooo killing me. Not to mention that we had to change our project taske and everything and (almost) start all the way from square one. I'm really, really glad that I have such determined and responsible PW mates. *hugs* you all rock.

Didn't really mug much on Monday. On Tuesday we went to YH's house to bake cookies, make jelly and a pie for our class party today, so how did I have time to mug?! Anyway, the cookies were nice. Cheryl is Wonder Woman. I dunno how her right arm has that much stamina to replace what a mixer is supposed to do and go at it for like a few hours (?). Her cooking is really something la. Compared to her, I have negative infinity knowledge of cooking and being a good housewife + that sort of thing. Hahaha...

The jelly was okay... except that Shavy managed to screw up the instructions straightaway =P Hahaha... and she decided to create blood-red jelly. Just kept adding more and more red + brown food colouring. eeeew. No wonder no one touched them today. Hahaha...

And Tammi and Meifengggg's pie was very very nice!!! ^^ we decided to keep it for ourselves though. =p There was too little for the class anyway and it wouldn't taste nice if we kept it for the next day... maybe next time!

Today was Teacher's Day... the whole day felt like one major PE lesson to me, though. Let me show you why.

1) ACES day dances in the morning, uuder the hot sun.
2) Sitting in the parade square and sweating buckets due to the hot sun.
3) Walking to Zhonghua in the hot sun. (-_-")
4) Walking back and forth across ZH school canteen at least four or five times (no hot sun, thankfully).
5) Watching the (rather boring) concert and sweating buckets because there were THAT many people around us congregating into a smalllllll area, and the hall still doesn't have air-conditioning. bleh.
6) Walking to the kopitiam across the road in the hot sun.
7) Eating seafood noodles (note: HOT SOUP) and sweating buckets.
8) Walking to the interchange to take 53 to J8 in the hot sun.
9) Walking from AMK MRT station all the way to AMK lib, ALL THE WAY IN THE HOT SUN.

Sigh. Figures, huh..

Anyway... had mixed feelings about my visit back to ZH. haha. I didn't regret going back. It was nice seeing some teachers again and I was very happy to see and chat with some old 4e4 classmates! Hee. And it was interesting to see how much everyone had changed. But I did look upon some faces with some kind of sinking feeling. Haaaaah. If you want the truth, I really didn't miss ZH all that much at all. Not just because of the ZH camp thing, it's just... well... well. Guess I really moved on a lot.

Hahaha..

Did I mention the school's decor sucks?! AND THE TOILETS ARE PAINTED VIOLET. OMG. TALK ABOUT VIOLET LOOO. The VP now has the toilets named after her. Hm.

I wanna play poool! Didn't really have the opportunity to just now. I knew that if I started playing, not only would the game last forever (cause I'm kanasai) but I wouldn't be able to put the thing down anyway. Haha. Left at the intended time. hee. And the hardcorers have never bowled before!!!! can't emphasize this enough. LOL.

(I am soo good at pretending huh!!! XP =P)

2005-08-28T17:22:00.000+08:00

Friendster is really really lame la. Suddenly I have zero friends!! Suddenly a person called Adeline doesn't exist! =P Haha. What a scary thought though - to actually have zero friends in the world. So here's a shout out to everyone: I LOVE YOU ALL! haha.

I decided to give up trying to do my homework. (The emphasis is on the word 'trying'. Haha.) I can do functions, but unfortunately I don't know how to sketch those weird reciprocal graphs. Sigh. So wasted. I can't do AP & GP. -_- I think I'll skip that whole section during promos. I definitely can't afford to lose any marks, but AP GP is as bad as, say, relative velocity or permutations or something. (Actually, I think AP GP IS FAR WORSE.) Haha.

One thing to do when you're bored: visit thefanlistings.org and look at how free people can be in their spare time. Or laugh yourself silly over the weird things people can come up with. Or snigger because there is a fanlisting to George W. Bush!!!!!!... haha, I'm being mildy biased here. Lol. Maybe it's because of that documentary Ms Darrell showed us abour Al Jazeera. I actually think that documentary was very interesting. It's the only interesting documentary I've ever, ever watched. Haha.

I mean, people create fanlistings for, um, songs!! Not that I'm complaining because I think some songs are deserving of fanlisting-status but it's amazing the extent of obsession some people have. Lol. I wonder why there's no fanlisting to Pastamania? or Mos Burger? Haha.

(MACDONALDS HAS 1937 FANS! eep. =X)

Sylvia bought a yukuta!!! I am SO jealous!!! =(

Short-term goal: work hard for my mp3 player. Hahaha...

I also wanna give a shout out to my PW mateees!!! Mel, Mari, Rach, Yh... you all rock! We'll definitely make this project a success! So let's keep on going. =D

think of me

2005-08-26T23:02:00.000+08:00

I love the Phantom of the Opera!! the songs, anyway. Hope Cheryl really gets around to burning them for me. Was in a Moulin Rouge reminicising mood just now and downloaded MR songs... The film version of Come What May is soooo pretty!!! =D

This week has been quite eventful... *shrugs* On Tues I finally passed standing broadjump!! WAHAHAHA. On Wed I ran my 2.4 km out-of-conditionly and managed to pass okay-ly... First of all... I must thank my dear MELISSA TAY (skank!) for turning up so early to support my running on that day!! *sniff* Haha... Next... I will wish JOSHUA TAY a very happy (belated?) birthday on my blog! (coincidence? Two Tays in the same paragraph. Haha.)

Reached home at 9 plus (nearly ten?) on Wednesday because a few of the hardcorers went out to celebrate Josh's birthday at Turf City. Wheehee. Had a really great time (all guilt and conscience at not mugging aside). =) I actually think the food is nice. Seoul Garden is better (because of the ice-cream, most probably) but it's so much more expensive... besides, the view we had was really nice! It was a purple and pink sunset!! (my two favourite colours! haha.) I used my phone to take a pic, but it turned out blue-ish. Awww...

Wish the rest had come along... I'm really starting to miss the old times. Something's definitely missing somewhere.

Thursday (yesterday!) was an okay day... it had its highs and lows. Main 'low' came with recieving my Maths paper. To my HORROR... I realized that my 5 marks were the result of two very stupid careless mistakes at the beginning of question 2 and 4. Which means that I could have gotten a 19. -_-" I have no idea why this always happens to me, seriously. This is probably the 100th time I've said it, but I canNOT stop making careless mistakes. I have tried. I've been trying since primary ONE. What makes it all really sad is how my exam results will be determined by how drastic my careless mistakes are.

Sometimes I get so sick of myself...

Today... was quite an eventful day. Wahaha. Before Geog lecture (test, actually) me and a few of my shpastic classmates snuck into the empty lecture hall through the backdoor. Then we (okay, only some of us) sat in the seats, quietly waiting. William Yeo (YEO YEO YEO! WILLIAM! WHAT, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME... don't mind me) walked in and started to set up his things... Then Jok gave a 'boo'... he turned and jumped! Wahahaha! It sent my class into hysterics. HAHA...

And during Econs... JEEVA PICKED ON ME. >.< First it was something about the speed of my reading (yes, I read like the Shinkansen, SO WHAT) and then it was about my volume and then it went on to how I was not making any eye contact. I think she was pms-ing that day... And to think my gang and I wrote a shpastic happy teacher's day note for her too! 'HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY, FROM THE SPACE KIDS'. Lol. I'm sure she will DEFINITELY have something to say about that.

Blah. End of update. (I'm hungry again!!!!...) I have no motivation to mug. How?

wahahaha

2005-08-20T14:07:00.000+08:00

I feel very happy now. =)

haha!

Was so happy that I headed over to baidu.com and downloaded 'I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KING'. Yesh. The LION KING song. =D The Lion King is my FAVOURITE movie in the world!!! *squee!* I love Disney. Old Disney, that is... I don't like the recent animated ones, with the exception of Lilo and Stitch. ahahaha.

do do do... da da da da da da do do do...

I think I am going to fail Literature though. Miss Victor Ann Marguerite's assignment is night-marish. 'In your view, what and how do the comic elements contribute to your understanding of Measure for Measure?' Er... HELLO?!! There is nothing funny about M4M at all. And this is coming from someone who has been following in Euni-corn's footsteps. Even PERSUASION by Jane Austen is funnier. o_o

Or maybe I just don't understand the play enough.

Yay, I'm gonna fail!!...

(I will save up enough money to get the Lion King Special Edition DVD...!!!)

I remembered my old dream.

2005-08-19T18:14:00.000+08:00

I wanted to be a professional musician. A pianist. Sigh. That dream is too far away now.

A few days ago I was thinking about something. What would be the body part I'd least want to lose? I thought of my hands. Without my hands, I wouldn't be able to write, play the piano, play my guzheng and play badminton...

Then I thought, what if I lost my ears? I'd never be able to listen to my favourite music again...and music is my everything!... Or, what if I lost my eyes? *shudder* I wouldn't be able to see where the shuttlecock is headed when I play badminton... I'd have to rely on people to give me directions, maybe??... like this:

"The shuttlecock is coming towards you on the line 2i + 3j +4k + m(3i + 6j + 7k)!!!!!!!"

Hahahahahahaha!!

-_-" Okay, so obviously maths is driving me mad... Actually, school overall is driving me mad. I have tons of incomplete homework, when long ago I always finished them way before the deadline... Maybe it's due to the recent very demoralizing bout of tests but... I really can't find the energy or motivation to study. Everytime I sit down in front of my desk, I stone for a full fifteen minutes before I actually reach for my paper file and my pen. I will use the weekend to PIA. Since there is no hardcore gathering (to my knowledge, anyway.) I study better alone, anyway. Especially with the radio in front of me blasting my favourite songs and there's no one around me to give a damn...! hoho.

Haix.

Today, I realized, not for the first time, that blogs can be dangerous things. And if anyone has taken the time to observe, he or she would have realized that while I'm honest in my entries, I don't actually reveal half of what I'm thinking or feeling. So, if you're really curious, ask me personally. I won't say much here. As much as I'd love to, I will NOT bitch on my blog. (At least, not on THIS blog, anyway. And there is no clear boundary between bitching and not-bitching, actually. It all depends on the individual.)

I'll blog about the mafia hardcorers another time. =)

glutton me

2005-08-13T22:14:00.000+08:00

You're a Relaxed Eater!

You understand that food is more than just about sustenance. Overall, you treat yourself well. Even if you are not always successful at it, having sit-down meals three times a day is your ideal. You also try to be regular with your portions and the times that you eat on a day-to-day basis. At first, this may sound like you have a common pattern. Your pattern is, in fact, extremely sensible, but unfortunately, not that common these days. You may find that you are one of the few people in your work place or community that actually sits down for three square meals. But when it comes to food, your priorities seem to be in order. You avoid eating as if it's a competitive race to the finish; rather you savor your meals and allow yourself the lost art of enjoying the eating experience itself. Taking the time to sit down and share a meal and conversation with family and friends signals that you do understand that it is important to have balance in your life.

But even you can eat differently when certain emotions trigger your natural eating pattern.

Urgh! I can't help not eating, k'. I'll get so frustrated when I see my friends around me NOT eating and me going, "I'm hungry." I'm hungry like 50 % of the time!!... and it only takes me three hours to get hungry again after a full meal, when certain people don't even take breakfast and tell me they don't feel like eating. I'm a freak! AAAAAH!!

(but I love eating!! oh, no.)

Met up with PW groupies today... we basically had a serious discussion in the morning and simply slacked off in the afternoon. I feel so bad today! I barely did ANY work... and tomorrow I'll be occupied in the morning because of church and in the afternoon cause of, yes, PW again... I need that A for PW. Hopefully I won't be spending too much time on PW for nothing. I won't even mind if it's all at the expense of my THREE common tests next week. (note: common tests I didn't even know about until FRIDAY. I don't get it. How come I don't hear anything even when I'm not sleeping in class?! Unless stoning = sleeping? But I never heard ANYTHING about a Geog test. I mean ANYTHING. And I happen to take note of William Yeo more than other teachers too. Cause he cracks me up (let's just say I'm weird?). Maybe he speaks too fast and I can't catch him. Ha, ha, ha.)

I don't feel like doing any work! Yes, I'm still deeply in holiday mode. I don't get it. Where did my drive go to? Ha, ha. Right now the only thing I feel like doing it *horrors* Maths - but I don't have a TYS. I think I'll go get one on Monday (though my test is on Tues). I am SO going to ace it with flying colours. -_-"

Visited Catholic High on Friday to survey the students for PW... my first time in an all-boys school! AHAHA. From what I heard from Marilyn and Mel, RI guys appear to be SNOBS and a lot more stand-offish as compared to Cat High guys. (No offence there.) Sigh. At least the SCHOOL has to be very pretty, though... Wonder how my two RI cousins would react if a bunch of girls tackled them with a stack of survey forms...

Marilyn is super cute la. Girl, you worry too much... (but you would make a great saleswoman, haha!!)

yoghurt, curd, cream, cheese and butter

2005-08-11T19:07:00.000+08:00

Hello all! I finally decided to blog!... I think I am really a fan of that song now. 'I Am Cow'. It ish too funny. Hahaha. Especially when the girls of Hardcore decide to learn the lyrics and annoy everyone by singing it in squeeeeeeaky high voices. Hohoho. We even have a recording of our version in my handphone now. Along with 'COW', we also sang the famous NY school song and one of the famous-est and most *patriotic* National Day songs. Wahaha! Too bad the file type is .amr or something. Which means I can't open it on my comp, or convert it to other formats and let you all hear it or anything. Sad, because Euni's 'painful evil laughter' thingy is uberly funny too... Noise pollution at its highest extent. I have no idea why we didn't get chased out by the poor residents of Bishan 8 Condominium...

Haha... 9/8/05... this year's National Day celebration has to be one of my most fun ones ever... I'm so glad we had the barbecue after all. ^^ Too bad some of the hardcorers couldn't make it. -_-" *glares specifically at Maggggg =P*

Shockingly, big-eater me didn't eat much that night! Let's make a list!! (why do I love lists?)
- two sotong balls
- 1/5 of a sausage
- 2 (small) helpings of my ma's meeeee
- two marshmallows

That's it. o.o No wonder I went home hungry. I regret not trying any chicken wings, but I think that if I did, I would be suffering from stomach upsets now.

Playing badminton with Von is tiring (cause we make each other run all over the court).. and we are both equally kns. Wahaha. Singing with Ade and Shannen is demoralizing!! ... haha.

I ponned afternoon PE again today!1! -_-" This means that, out of four sessions, I only turned up for one. Ms Ong is SO going to killlll me. I wonder when the retests are. Think I am going to fail the dumb broadjump shit again. BUT I DON'T WANT TOOOO!!!! -_-" Worst of all, I have to run 2.4km again. Something is seriously wrong with NY's system. In fact, there's something wrong with ALL of NY's systems. Sometimes I really, really ask myself why I'm even here. Blah, I have to live with it for another year and a half, though. Might as well accept you can never get both sides of the deal - though it seems NY is even less perfect than almost all the other JCs. Whatever.

And I ACTUALLY KNEW TO DO THE OPEN BOOK TEST ON VECTORS TODAY. (When some didn't.) I am SO pro! Am proud of myself. Wahahahahhahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!