happy chinese new year!!

Happy Chinese New Year!! 5.5 hours in advance. =)

hahaha, a new Lunar New Year = new blogskin + new blog song. Lol... Soooo here they are!

I simply <3 this song. I really do. I can listen to it on repeat again and again. I have been itching to put it up for ages. Yay for j-rock or just rock in general.

Though I dunno why this layout messes up all my font sizes... sigh. Got a headache trying to correct it all... no, I did not make this blogskin (for once) and yes, um, the colour comby is very similar to the previous one. I swear I wasn't looking for something so identical. It was just that this blogskin fitted my song perfectly. And it's nice too!

Enjoyed myself yesterday with the hardcorers! Especially the, erm, innocent chatting sessions. <3 level 5!! ;)

Must get a new tagboard too, because this one is starting to piss me off very much... I can't edit the width of the whole thing and it's eating into my other div layers...! URRRGH. The only width I'm actually able to edit is that of the big box containing the tags themselves. And if you wanna reduce it so that the message box stops poking into my journal entries, well, you'll be reading only one word on each line.

again, happy Lunar New Year everybody. Eeeee, I can't wait already. XD

siiigh

don't scare me...

please, don't scare me.

Why is everything suddenly so...

so... so...

urgh. the word just slipped my mind.

But of late, everything seems to be going wrong. I can't stand this silence. I can't stand these subtleties. I can't stand all this cryptic-ness.

My world isn't shattering and no, it isn't ending, but there are bits of ceiling falling from the roof.

I should just stop self-deluding already.

It's been twelve years; I am no different from last time.

Still the extermely insecure, overly-softhearted, overly-sensitive, troubled and lonely kid you knew. Plagued with inferiority complex.

Only difference is, I can't cry anymore.

And I want to. I just can't.

let this be the last time

I want to believe it's really the last time. I want to believe.

Oh, God, let it really be the last time.

memoirs pt II

It just came to my mind, and I felt like blogging about it, so here it is. First of all, in case anyone., anyone at all, gets the wrong idea, I am NOT, repeat, NOT directing this entry at anyone in particular. -_- It just suddenly came to me and I thought (for once) that I should share my thoughts. Ha, ha. So, what you see below will be just another product of Shu Ting’s thinking too much again. Normal. Very normal. =)

The lines between missing somebody/something and not moving on/accepting can be blurred. But for the most part, I don’t believe that missing something means that you have not moved on. When you’re walking and you turn your head to look behind, do you necessarily come to a stop? No. Your feet can still continue carrying you forward. No doubt it will be less ‘efficient’. But, hey. Even on the journey of life we have to sit and rest and take a break sometimes. And don’t they always say ‘always take the time to look at the flowers on the way’?

Of course, if you don’t ever get up to walk again, or if you rest a little too long, why, I suppose that’s not good.

Missing is not about not being able to let go. Missing is about reminicising happy events in the past. At least, that’s how it is to me. There is nothing wrong with missing and reminicising happy events. Especially when they put a smile on your face when you’re down. Who cares if the stranger sitting next to you on the bus freaks out and changes places because you look mad just cause you’ve got a silly grin plastered on your face, or when you suddenly start laughing to yourself. They don’t know about the happy stuff you’re thinking about at the moment.

Missing something is not a sign of emptiness in your life. Yes, the things of the past are unattainable – because they’re of the past. We should not feel discontented because we can’t get these things of the past back. To miss something according to dictionary.com is to feel the lack or loss of something. I don’t think this is a good description of such a complex human emotion, but, well. After all, there are positive losses, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I am trying to say that just because you feel the lack or loss of something good/happy, it does not mean that there’s something missing in our life somewhere. (OMG, the puns…) memories are just memories, they can’t take up any aspect of our life –

- but they take up our heart.

We miss things because they were dear to us. At least we have memories of those good times, at least we can look back fondly on them. (Bleh, I don’t even know what I’m saying liao…) Because we have moved on, we have left our past behind – BUT how can we ever fully leave behind something that is dear to us? What we left behind were the tangible stuff we can’t get back. (And we know.) What we take away are the memories that can last a lifetime.

People who move on are perfectly normal. Moving on is a good and wise and normal thing. People who don’t move on, though, are also normal. I mean, there_are_such people, though they are unwise… But people who can seriously say they don’t miss anything about the past, well, I don’t believe them. Either that or they are weird and emotionless people.

I miss a lot of things. I even miss things that are still with me, that are in the present. I miss, hm, my bed, for example. I miss first three months. I miss my nokia 6230. I miss my guzheng friends and my other dear friends even though we see each other just about every other day. I miss my cousins. I miss my godma. I miss Hazel. I miss my piano. I miss badminton. I miss slacking. I miss the TV. I miss joking around with my mom. I miss Hi-Chew candy. I miss crapping with my sister, because, heck, is there ever any time to do such stuff nowadays? I miss the holidays. I miss having a lot of Time. Et cetera, et cetera.

I’m a very easily contented person. Small, small iddle widdle things can make me happy. Small, small iddle widdle memories can make me happy. You can despise me for not setting my sights high. You can despise me for being so easily contented, for being simple. I don’t care. Oh, sure, sometimes – a lot of the time, actually – I have my downs. But who doesn’t? At least overall I know I’m fortunate and that I should be content. And when I’m really content… I’m really happy. Amen.

memoir

It's been a long time since I laughed and chatted and bitched until my tongue was tired and my throat sore. =P

Anyway, I love Memoirs of a Geisha!! It's better than I expected. 'Cause some people said it was boring... but the movie is still stuck in my head. I actually like it better than KING KONG. Maybe it's just 'cause it's more realistic, more artistic and also because I llove Japanese culture... hehe.

Now I_cannot_wait to read the book, because I know it will be 1000x nicer than the movie. From just watching the movie itself, I could already tell how condensed it was because a bestseller CANNOT just be like this... and, anyway, the movie's ending was too fairy-tale for my taste. It actually disappointed me because it's just NOT realistic that the Chairman would forgive and forget so easily and actually love her in return all this years!!

I am such a realist. =P

But I still love the movie, though I think I might not if I read the book.

The point is, I love the movie.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I watched the movie first. I have a feeling that if I read the book first, I would condemn it the way I condemned the HP3 movie. XD

The past two days have been WONDERFUL. The best days of 2006 so far. (oooh, so emo!!!!)

Oh, ya, today I sat down to dinner with full attendance in my family, for the first time in about two or so weeks. I got a very nice feeling. These Saturdays I've always been eating dinner outside of home, and on weekdays my dad usually does not come home in time to have dinner with me, my mom and my sis. So today was really, really nice. ^_^

You scored as Art. You should be an Art major! How bohemian! Art 92% Journalism 92% Linguistics 75% Biology 75% Dance 75% English 75% Sociology 75% Anthropology 75% Psychology 67% Philosophy 58% Theater 58% Mathematics 58% Engineering 25% Chemistry 25% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

awww! I really love drawing. ^___^ too bad I suck at it.

HAHAHA biology.

And yeah, I guess I don't really like thinking too much (even though I do it too often), so Philosophy is (unexpectedly) way down the list. (Taking Philosophy is not good for me. Will make me think even more than I usually do. Which is very bad. Which will drive me mad. Yay, I'm a poetess.)

Ahem. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGGIE!! Hope it was a great one for you...!! ^___^

Saturday was Flag Day... I ended up broke... Siigh. Chey and I went around trying on 'auntie' outfits and taking pics. So fun... then we went to watch KING KONG. Gosh, I lurve that movie. And I <3>

mirror.

what if I've been looking into a mirror all this while?

disliking my own reflection? and not knowing it was in fact my reflection at all?

Should I even think this much about this and everything else?

Thank you, my dearest friends... you know who you are. Thanks for providing me with those rare high, hyper & happy moments on days mostly filled with bleakness, boredom and 'lowness' now. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone.

Can't tell you all how much this means for me at times like this. Simple messages. Some not even two sentences, and yet it's all I need to know. Long and heartwarming messages. Helping me even though you were tired and unhappy too. Letters. Seeing you all before school and after school. Having fun. Crapping. Singing loud and off-key into the night...

...where we are comfortable around each other, where we can be ourselves. Where I don't need to mask/hide as much as I usually do.

If you can't be yourself, then there's just no point, right?

but we all have to jiayou. =) so cheer up, everybody.

sigh, I don't even know why I get sad so easily nowadays. Hopefully I'll get over this soon.

miss the holidays.

happy belated new year

Thanks to everyone for making 2005 a great year. Thanks to everyone for making 2005 the year I felt the most alive in...

Haha, school is reopening tomorrow and like everyone else I am going to whine about how much I hate school and how much I dread going back.

And also like almost everyone else I'll do up some New Year resolutions.

1) Work_hard. And play hard. (But that's not exactly a difficult thing to do, is it?)

2)... erm. Just quote everything from Maggie's blog. =P

3) Be a better person.

hmmm...

HAIYOYO... I miss my k-box so so so much. The last time I went there was on August 9th. That was four months ago! I can't believe I could not find a chance to go k-boxing this holiday. I am suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

I WANT MY K-BOX.

Don't see how I'll find the time to go there though. And I still haven't watched the movies I wanted to see...!! I am deprived!

Can't believe I have been cooped up at home these last few days too. It's my last few days of freedom and I have to spend it at home. Especially pathetic since my homework was long ago more-or-less done.

Note-to-self: don't rush homework because when you're finally free of homework during the last few days, everyone is piaing homework and can't go out. =.=

Too bad my mom insists on getting homework done. Two weeks before school reopens she is already horrified when I say my homework is not done. @_@

Mothers are weird, but my mom is the weirdest.

Siiigh. Guzheng is the only thing I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Or I could look on the bright side and say, hey, at least there's_something_I look forward to tomorrow.

I still don't wanna go to school, though.

ta-daaa.