shuting. Christian, Sagittarius, NYJCian, avid lover of music, the piano, the guzheng, art, books, manga, food, Final Fantasy, shopping, get-togethers, daydreaming, writing and many-things-Japan, and is the occasional insomniac. She also mood-swings. ph34r.
I was sure by now That You would have reached down And wiped our tears away Stepped in and saved the day But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls I barely hear Your whisper through the rain “I’m with you” And as You mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives And takes away
I’ll praise You in this storm And I will life my hands For You are who You are No matter where I am Every tear I’ve cried You hold in Your hand You never left my side And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry You raised me up again My strength is almost gone How can I carry on If I can’t find You
As the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain “I’m with you” And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives And takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord The Maker of Heaven and Earth
Sometimes I'm a little bit irked when I invite people to church and their response is something about how Christianity may not be their type of religion. This has happened more than once leh. If you can 'pick' a religion, then don't you actually not believe in any of them? To tell the truth, I don't see Christianity as a 'religion' at all. Christianity is a lifestyle and a relationship. If I didn't believe in the true and living God, I'd be an atheist right now. Why should I burden myself down with a religion??? I'd rather depend on myself. But the truth is, I have no reason to doubt or deny the existence of God nor his goodness, and that is why I am a Christian.
God does not restrict us, he Guides us.
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Our last guzheng performance should have ended with a bang at Synergy. Our time spent in SRJC was totally boring. -___- There was no hype, no excitement over the performance; it wasn't too good, wasn't too bad, we finished playing and that was that. The end. We barely felt anything. Though for me and the 'marauders', I guess the 'ending' meant a little bit more. It was the end of our SIX years together playing in the guzheng ensemble for a school.
Well, theoretically it's not COMPLETELY the end, because I know we can't wait to get our butts in the ZH Alumni and start playing away again like the good old times DON'T WE???
So we went to 'ZHUANG YUAN FU' aka tom yam place (I still don't get why they have that name, it sounds too class for a kopitiam opposite ZHSS sia =p) to have dinner. How come we never figured that they'd be selling their zhao pai tom yam noodles at this hour? XD Still, the time that passed was too short... =(
And for the first time (in ALL the years I've known that fishie Weiyu) we managed to convince her to get in my father's car!!
For some reason, right now I'm in the mood where I just want to SHOWER ALL MY DARLING FRIENDS WITH LOVE! Muahahaha.
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And I betcha my blog recieved an astounding increase in visits over the past few days. Wonder why, hm?
Oh. And the door to the rooftop on the CCA block is locked now. =( No more windy blue-sky secret hiding place.
WARNING: MUCH EMO-NESS AHEAD. DON'T READ IF YOU'RE NOT IN A MOOD TO BE ANNOYED.
"A collection of masks rather than a character." If this is what can be said of Edgar, then I suppose this can apply to me as well.
Maintaining so many masks is hard work, you know? It's physically and mentally draining.
My blog doesn't even reveal a QUARTER of how I really think and feel.
I suppose now it's time to start.
Sometimes I DON'T want people to know how I really think and feel. And at other times it's because there is NO SUCH THING AS FREEDOM OF SPEECH. I shoot people (pun NOT intended), I get shot down too. Especially in the 'society' I live in.
Oh, well, I think it's about TIME for me to stop caring about what people think of me and start living up to GOD'S expectations of me.
Bitching is universal, man. We live in a really bitchy world. Do you think I have not the resources to be every bit as bitchy as EVERYONE ELSE? I can drip venom if I want, I just want to bao chi my 'dao', 'guai gia', 'mugging', 'sweet and innocent' xing xiang, can or not?
Ah, survival.
Actually I think I'm relatively more silent than most people already la.
I somehow think that bitching in moderation is good for health.
And if there's anything I've learnt from all this, it's to SHUT MY TRAP.
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Yinghui, I seriously need to borrow your copy of 'THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE'. I need to take a look at that section you pointed out to me some time ago. You may not know it but it really made me think... and I'm thinking a lot now. (Which is usual, I guess. Even though I seem like a RETARD to most people.)
When I was younger I really did not know how to cherish my friendships. I picked fights over mundane things when I was in primary school because of my blatant self-righteousness back then. I did many many bad things. I lost many many friends. In secondary school I let a best friend drift away too. I still see her every week but I can no longer find anything to talk to her about.
I'm really, really afraid of losing my friends now. So, so, so afraid that even when I feel that I'm being stepped upon, or when I'm being treated like a DESERTED PORT (ie. I listen to you for a while and you depend on me and when the trouble is over you just WALK AWAY), or when you're simply not SENSITIVE, or INTERRUPT ME WHEN I'M TALKING HALFWAY, or when you give me half-hearted responses...
I don't say anything.
Do you know how hard it is for me to open my mouth? I am not verbally eloquent in any way. I'm so proud that I don't dare to show you when I'm feeling sad or when I'm imagining ridiculous things. My brave and smiling front works everytime. Too successfully, in fact.
Hey. I really love you, do you know that? And I want to tell you some things. But I am such a coward that I do not dare to start up a conflict. I'm bloody weak la.
So much for the strong front.
'INSECURITY' and 'PRIDE' don't go together... or so you think.
Because these two make up ME. And I am NOT proud of this.
Can you not forget that I am every bit as sensitive as you are?
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I'm ashamed to admit this, but I can forgive easily and yet be unable to forget... which is not complete forgiveness in the first place, ne?
I am stubborn in my own way too?
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I know that time passes and people drift apart and we are not in the same circle of friends anymore. I saw it coming and I accepted it. I can accept that we drift apart. But why do I feel that we've drifted apart to the extent that to you, I'm someone living oceans away already?
Maybe it's just over-expectation on my part again. I've treasured our bond and our short time spent together deeply. But I wonder if these things mean anything to you anymore. It makes me so sad because you're still really important to me, pal.
Maybe I'm just over-sensitive?
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I made a seriously bad, bad, BAD choice last year. I thought I would be happy, but before I knew it, everything crumbled into a nightmare. I admit I was a contributing factor to the suffering la. But it's RIDICULOUS, UTTERLY RIDICULOUS, ABSURD, ANNOYING AND COMPLETELY CRAZY that this nightmare that has yet to end.
Where is your pride? Where is your dignity? Do you BEG and do you CRY? Are you fit to call yourself a man?
It is too late for regrets. God let this horrible mistake of mine happen for a purpose. I have learnt my lesson. Thank God.
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Smart my ass. I'm one of the most stupid people to walk the planet. Or at least, I hope I've risen somewhat among the ranks. I can safely presume that my eyes are finally WIDE OPEN, for the first time in my life, and that I have become much more sensible.
I absolutely love my dearest friends. You all know who you are. I really count myself very fortunate to have you all. =)
I think in the end all I really want to be is a good friend. I'm sorry for having said all these things, but for the first time, I'm saying what I truly feel... If I haven't been a good friend in some way or other, if I have been a failure in some way or other, I'm sorry. Please don't ever doubt me even when I don't contact you or find myself unable to open up to you. Please don't.
Ahaha! I finished piaing 'E ZUO JU ZHI WEN' in the school library today. (What happened to the air-con there...?) I love this drama! The ending was a bit too rushed (IMHO) and after the 'kiss in the rain!' things between the two seemed a bit unreal. BUT it was still wonderful! Extremely cute and funny. =) I adore how this drama is so silly and goofy and lighthearted that it always manages to put a stupid grin on your face hours later.
Ooooh yes it's been a 'dreamful' four days away from school. I hadn't felt so relaxed in a long while. Didn't touch any books/papers at all, and whiled my time mostly out of the house. (Which means I haven't really taken a good rest since the exams ended, actually.) But I enjoyed myself. Come Doomsday (or rather, Doomsdays) in a few more days, I'm going to forget the definition of 'CAREFREE' completely.
Oh and the first day of school was WORSE, far WORSE than I expected. Devastatingly BORING. =(
On to happier thingies.
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YESTERDAY!!
WENT OUT WITH LAO-GONG (SHUYI) AND SHUHUI! We, the three SHUS! Weiyu could not come because she had bad - very bad - cramps. =( I felt the 'missingness' of her all through our day out. It's just not the same without cutie-pie fishie. Really sad that she could not make it at the last minute. Oh well! We'll still have more outings together, darlings - more outings, more journeys, greater things to come in the future of our friendship. =)
All the same, we enjoyed ourselves. =) And I'm so glad Shu Hui (who is SUPER FUN TO BULLY) said she had a good time too, even though she was reluctant to come with us to town after KBOX.
OH DID I MENTION KBOX!?? I OBTAINED PERMISSION FROM MY MOMMY TO GO TO KBOX! YUPPEE!! Seriously, getting this permission from her is almost as though I'm asking my parents to give me their blessings for a marriage la. It's that serious. And she AGREED. With minimal fuss. Thank God, thank God, thank God!
Anyway KBOX WAS SHIOK. I've never been so high in kbox, ever (and I usually am VERY high in kbox anyway). It just goes to show how comfortable I am with my 'zheng mates. Dear 'zheng mates, count yourselves fortunate (or rather, unfortunate) to be among the very tiny handful or so of people whom I allow to see me Drunk/Very High/Crazy. In front of you, I can attempt to hit the super-high notes in Kbox without worrying that I may zhao xia and simply laughing it off when I DO. In front of you, I can bounce and sing with no stress at all. In front of you, I won't feel ashamed of myself. In front of you, I laugh and scream my ass off and giggle even more at the o_O looks you shoot me.
So thank you all. =)
After Kbox we went to KINO! MY DI ER TIAN TANG! (Yesh, I have to indulge my Japanese / bookwormish geeky instincts.) There I bought a lot of Useless Stuff. I pride myself on spending very little $$ on Useless Stuff (aside from clothes) so I thought it was Time to buy Useless Stuff once in a while.
And so I DID buy Useless Stuff like stickers(!!), a cutesy notebook (what happened to me!?) and a sketchpad (for my sis, which means it does NOT come under Useless Stuff actually.)
And after that we went to the Esplanade. Maybe it's because it's a Monday, but the Esplanade seemed pretty empty (and redundant) to me. I wonder how many people actually view the Esplanade as a valuable resource? I think, not many. Which is very sad indeed.
But we went to sit by the sea. It's true that the sea is always unusually soothing and calming on the senses. It made me content to be quiet and not talk. And you know, it's actually very valuable to have friends like this, who are willing simply to sit beside the sea and beside you, in silence. Of course we didn't keep silence the WHOLE time la. We spent the time lazily looking out at the dirrrty river and trying to identify the litter. And we also tried to figure out what was on the minds of those tourists when they decided to go for a bumboat ride.
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Saturday was great fun for the most part, because in the afternoon we went to Bugis Street (BTW, I HAVE BEEN THERE LIKE 1000 TIMES THIS YEAR. I'M NEVER GOING THERE AGAIN). BUT we had the biggest and most exciting hide-and-seek game of our lives, I should think! Although it was purely one-sided. =P
Fisherman's Wharf has WONDERFUL fish & chips! ^_^ ANd since I NEVER eat that dish on my own, that day was my first or so time attempting to use a knife. *rolls eyes at self*
Instructions: 1. Do the following without complaints. 2. Choose 5 people to do this after you have completed yours. 3. Leave a tag on the person's TagBoard to say he/she have been tagged. 4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!" then do this.
Current... Mood: Relaxed because mid years (nightmare) are over! Tired because I have a headache! Giggly and girly because... I just watched 恶作剧之吻！Damn cute la! Got me grinning from ear to ear for hours, even until now! Taste: Plain water? Clothes: (why the questions so boliao de?) Erm. Blue shirt + green shorts. Desktop: ...wallpaper of Draco Malfoy. That I haven't taken down since 1 million years ago la! (Cause I don't use this laptop usually!) Toenail colour: - Time: 9:10pm. Surroundings- left: Printer. right: Door. Annoyance: Headache. And the fact that this laptop is super LAG. Thoughts: I want to sleep.
First... Best Friend: My sister! (Hahaha) Crush: Hahahaha! Music: not sure?
Last... Crush: Hahahaha! Cigarette: Yucks! Drink: Plain water. (I'm even healthier than Eunice can) Movie: X-MEN III THE LAST STAND. Phone call: to my mom. Cause she was at J8 when I reached Bishan, so I go pei her lor. =) CD played: Some CD I burnt, I think it's the one with a lot of Mika Nakashima songs! =D
Have you ever... Dated one of your best friends: why would i wanna do tt la. my best frens are usually girls lor. (This whole chunk copied from Eunice) Broken the law: Jay-walk =) Been arrested: By Sec 4 form teacher. Many, many times. Been on TV: No. (damn sad right, even though I'm a star.) Kissed someone you dont know: Yup! (Rubbish.)
5 things you are wearing: ...blue shirt, green shorts, blue hairband, glasses, purple nail polish on my last finger. 4 things you did today: Sat for a traumatising Econs exam, lunched with Cass and Ju Ba, pia-ed 恶作剧之吻！！！！ for 4 hours, talked crap with Nini online. (Still talking now.) 3 things you can hear right now: TV (my dad's watching tennis matches), printer, shuffling of papers 1 thing you do when you are bored: daydream.
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Mid years are (almost) over! w00t! Though holiday mode already set in one week ago... so I don't really feel anything much. Plus now I have a headache. Must be too much radiation from the TV la, first time in such a long while that I have pia-ed TV for 4 hours straight.
Shall enjoy my final week of happiness to the fullest!
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I'm losing a kindred spirit... the only kindred spirit I ever found. So sad that even friendships have to be unrequited, huh...
Roald Dahl is hilarious. =) Somehow or other my sis borrowed The Twits by Roald Dahl, and me, being extremely sick of Demographic Transition Models, Population Pyramids and Co-ercive Chinese Family Planning Policies, ditched all these to read it.
Apparently Roald Dahl is biased against people with beards! "The idea for The Twits simply said 'do something against beards.'"
I challenge you to read the following while having your lunch. =)
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As you know, an ordinary unhairy face like yorus or mine simple gets a bit smudgy if it is not washed often enough, and there's nothing so awful about that.
But a hairy face is a very different matter. Things cling to hairs, especially food. Things like gravy go right in among the hairs and stay there. You and I can wipe our smooth faces with a flannel and we quickly look more or less all right again, but the hairy man cannot do that.
We can also, if we are not careful, eat our meals without spreading food all over our faces. But not so the hairy man. Watch carefully next time you see a hairy man eating his lunch and you will notice that even if he opens his mouth very wide, it is impossible for him to get a spoonful of beef-stew or ice-cream and chocolate sauce into it without leaving some of it on the hairs.
Mr Twit didn't even bother to open his mouth wider when he ate. As a result (and because he never washed) there were always hundreds of old breakfasts and lunches and suppers sticking to the hairs around his face. They weren't big bits, mind you, because he used to wipe those off on the back of his hand or on his sleeve while he was eating. But if you looked closely (not that you'd ever want to) you would see tiny little specks of dried-up scrambled eggs stuck to the hairs, and spinach and tomato ketchup and fish fingers and minced chicken livers and all the other disgusting things Mr Twit liked to eat.
If you looked closer still (hold your noses, ladies and gentlemen), if you peered deep into the moustachy bristles sticking out over his upper lip, you would probably see much larger objects that had escaped the wipe of his hand, things that had been there for months and months, like a piece of maggoty green cheese or a mouldy old cornflake or even the slimy tail of a tinned sardiie.
Because of all this, Mr Twit never went really hungry. By sticking out his tongue and curling it sideways to explore the hairy jungle around his mouth, he was always able to find a tasty morsel here and there to nibble on.
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And there's the classic Roald Dahl expletives or vulgarities.
"I'll swish you to a swazzle! I'll gnash you to a gnozzle! I'll gnosh you to a gnazzle!"
Damn funny la! (oh dear, what's happening to me?)
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And the ending is very stupid but kind of funny especially if studying has driven you nuts.
But heads are not meant to be stood upon. If you stand upon your head for a very long time, a horrid thing happens, and this was where Mr Twit got his biggest shock of all. With so much weight from up above, his head began to get squashed into his body.
Quite soon, it had disappeared completely, sunk out of sight in the fatty folds of his flabby neck.
...Their heads SHRANK into their necks...
Then their necks began SHRINKING into their bodies...
And their bodies began SHRINKING into their legs...
And their legs began SHRINKING into their feet...
...There was nothing more left in this world of Mr and Mrs Twit.
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Okay, but there's something in this book that I liked.
If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts everyday, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until it gets so ugly you can hardly bear to look at it.
A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.
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My sis also borrowed A Tale of Time City by Diana Wynne Jones. I'd forgotten what it was about so I re-read it. Speed-read it in two hours last night (ie. didn't study at all, goodbye human geography). I absolutely love Diana Wynne Jone's books. She is as funny and twice as inventive as JK Rowling and I'm not kidding. (Btw, she wrote Howl's Moving Castle! ^__^)
They call them Children's Books; I always wondered why. I never saw them that way. I think I'll still continue to love so-called 'children's books' about 20-30 years later.
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Should I get Mika Nakashima's 'BEST'? But I already have more than half of the songs in the album. But I can't locate the rest =( mp3.zhongsou.com is not exhaustive...
