boring.

Christmas was nice. At the bbq at my relatives' place at night. ^^ Had second childhood at the playground there. Love my cousins. We don't care who's watching, even if some of us are already in JC or approaching JC.

I want to watch movies. I haven't caught The Promise. I want to watch A Chinese Tall Story and laugh myself to death.

But then I already laughed myself to death watching the 9pm show on Channel 8. =P When Chunchun ran out of her ex-lover's house in tears, I solemnly predicted that she would be knocked down by a vehicle.

And indeed, that happened about fifteen minutes later!!

I predict that sooner or later someone will be (accidentally or intentionally) hurled off the roof of a building. Cheap tricks la. Mediacorp serials are all like this. I haven't been watching TV for a long while but I know that the most exciting thing that can happen in a Channel 8 serial is a person being thrown off the building...

Okay la, I'm being a bit biased. Anyway, Love Concierge seems a little bit different from the rest, so I'll just cross my fingers and hope.

I managed to catch Chronicles of Narnia on Monday! ^_^ with my dear cousins and my dear sister... Tell you arh, watching movies with them - at MY home, not the cinema - is terrible. =P because me, Lou & YZ have this knack of criticising the show and mocking every very cliche and melodramatic moment in the movie. =P

So I don't like Narnia as much as I should have. It's still good and highly-recommended though. XD The first half of the movie was so dark (as in, literally) and a lot of times we found ourselves staring at our reflections on the TV screen. And for the first half also, we had subtitles which were laughably inaccurate. In the end we had to turn them off because of the distraction they were becoming. Better choice, even though we still couldn't understand their speech well.

Also, it's quite ironic that the most exciting part of the movie came at the end -

- seeing the four kids all grown up!!

... haha. Actually it was quite a great movie. It kept true to the spirit of the book. (Everyone should read the books!) I can't wait for the next few movies... I think I would have liked the movie a lot better if I watched it in the movie theatre. =P

And everyone should watch Hayao Miyazaki films! They are too great! Spirited Away is just so nice. It's so imaginative and delightful. Sweet and cute and innocent! And btw, my definition of cute is very different from other people. I don't find Hello Kitty_that_cute, for example... haha... I can watch Spirited Away over and over againa nd not get tired. I watched its ending two times a day on Monday. WIth only about two hours gap in between. O_O not on purpose, but, well, I didn't get tired.

Maybe cause it takes a second time through the movie to catch some small, cute and funny details you missed out.

The detail in this movie is just_wonderful.

And the music is so so so nice! Now I wanna borrow Mononoke Hime again so I can watch it again. ^^

I still wanna watch more movies.

These days are so boring.

I have not gone out with my friends at all.

I want to go out!!

What I need most right now are my girlfriends, but somehow... I wonder.

I don't like being at home. At home I can't show a black/unhappy face or cry in peace. I think what I really need is a place where I can stop putting on a happy smiling front the way I have to for my family.

I want my freedom and my privacy.

I think I'm just that kind of person?

I don't want to go back to school.

Being cooped up at home is still a little bit better. At least I don't have to study. At least I can still be on the comp for hours or play mahjong every night.

I had a really weird back-to-school dream. I was late for school because 1) I wore home-clothes and had to rush home to change. 2) I wore PE shorts with school blouse, forgot the skirt and ran upstairs to change again. 3) I went for many toilet breaks in between.

Sigh...

pre-back-to-school syndrome, I suppose. -_-"""

sore feet

Was walking practically the whole day from 12pm to 6pm. So tiring! Went out with my sis and our two cousins Deborah and Louise and our aunt (also my godma!). We were a on a mission to get CNY clothes for loooooly Lou.

Didn't regret going at all. Because it's one of those very few and rare times that all of us get to meet up at a place that is not our grandma's place. Also my godma is back in Singapore, when for most of the year she is not. I really wish my godma and her husband can settle in Singapore one day. Then she won't have to keep returning to Mongolia and be unable to celebrate CNY with us.

I love CNY. I really do. It's my favourite festival of the year. So many people to meet. So many homes to visit. The goodies. The hongbaos. Everyone in different-looking clothes. Everyone chit-chatting together. So nice. I'm actually quite excited. =P

I realized something. I think kids can be very annoying. Especially if they're spoilt. My p4 (?) cousin is like that. She can really be a downright brat sometimes. But over all I think she is still quite cute. I dunno why, I just like kids, I suppose. =) (Yes, I'm weird!)

We went to eat at Fish & Co! My first time! It was great! Between the 4 of us (not including Deb cause she's a kid =p) we shared Seafood Platter for two (the sotong and mussels rock! And I've never eaten prawns so easily in my life. Fish & Co just slit them down the middle and after that it's so easy to de-shell. I love Fish & Co man.), black-pepper <3 sting-ray and spaghetti in coriander sauce. o_o Coriander sauce is actually a bit weird and it makes the whole dish look quite disgusting. BUT the taste is not too bad. =)

Deb ordered her cutesy kids' meal. But it turned out that she was capable of eating a lot more than that. o_o In fact, my godma ate the least! She says it's her age. Hm... But if you look at the neoprints we took, you'll realize that she might actually still pass off as one of us youths...

I think my godma has a very pretty face. =)

Anyone wanna watch 'A Chinese Tall Story' with me??? It has Nicholas Tse as Tripitaka!! What a joke!! Hahaha!! A shuai ge + Xi You Ji! I have always loved Journey to the West. Dunno why. ^_^ must watch!

tired

So tired. Physically and mentally. On the 18th I was low. On the 19th I was even lower. Today... I'm very tired. Probably has to do with the fact that I played mahjong from ten to twelve am yesterday and woke up at 8am. -_- I am so sleepy right now, I don't know how I'm going to sit through maths tuition later. There's only more than one week of holiday left to go, and I haven't touched the econs project thing, haven't gone running at all.

Hurt, disappointment. It's secondary school happening all over again. I'm missing first 3 months like crazy all over again. All over again. Things are always like this for me.

And...

I don't need to tell you everything. I don't need you to buy me things. I don't need you to buy me wardrobes of clothes. I don't need you to buy me 1001 boxes of jewellery. Of earrings, bracelets, necklaces. I don't want you to force me to buy something I don't want. I don't want you to spend so much $ on me. Because that's not what I need.

(Besides, you spend money like you have all the riches in the world. FYI, we don't.)

I want something money can't buy. I want my freedom. I want my privacy. I want your trust in me. And I'm not asking for much. I only want freedom to manage my money. So you can't let me go to the beach. You can't let me go to Night Safari. Sure. Fine. Just provide some better, some not-so-lame and ridiculous reasons for not letting me leave the house. Skin allergies? RIIIGHT. When did I last have skin allergies? Ten years ago? How many percentage of the population who visits beaches / goes cycling / ice-skating actually break a neck or get paralysed or die in the attempt?

I know you do this cause you care. But it's too much, I don't know how much longer I have to live with this. You always tell me, 'I buy so many things for you, you still xian dong xian xi. You don't know how fortunate you are'. But you are not giving me what I really want. I don't mind if you don't buy me anything anymore.

I just want my freedom.

I'm already 17.

(I want to get my hyperness and energy back!!!!)

Thanks hardcore for celebrating my birthday. I really enjoyed myself that day. Thank you very much. ^_^

birthdays

These past few days... I have not been at home a lot. XD

So fun, I love birthdays ^_^

Tuesday
I went out with my dear Narcissa a.k.a Silly-chan a.k.a my twin a.k.a Sylvia a.k.a my pally-wally!! (Omigosh, I had no idea I had so many names for her... XD) Our first annual birthday trip! Hehe... It's really a big change being the leader for once =P pal, you must take over next year. Hehehe.

Anyway, we went shopping at Kino <3... I was there to wang mei zhi ke. As usual. Siigh. At least Sylvia bought something. We also went to wang mei zhi ke at the floor in Takashimaya above Kino. We were drooling in artfriend, because the markers are soo nice...! Did you know that one copic marker cost $5.78?! -_-" I want...!! And the complete set itself costs $900+++... o_o I was also freaking myself out with the styrofoam head model...

And the toy store there for 'rich kids'... omg... needless to say, it made us feel like kids again. I ADORE the playsets. They cost more than the lifesize playhouse (which I have sworn to get for my kids if I have any!)How many kids get to be so xing fu?!

We took neoprints at Heeren and bought matching bracelets (which really are big enough to double as anklets actually =P) and then we wanted to go to a place where we can sit down and exchange presents. So we decided to go to Cine's food court... Imagine our shock when we stepped out of Heeren and saw the rain pouring like cats and dogs! (omg, I learnt something from primary school. o.o) We had quite an adventure in the rain and got drenched (even though we were hiding under her umbrella).

SYLVIA I MADE YOUR DREAM COME TRUE!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! *evil grin* And don't worry... I LOVE your present. It's simple and very meaningful. =D haha, we have so many matching things now! HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY TODAY!

Wednesday part I
I went to Shuyi's house!! In SENGKANG!... hehe... The LRT is not that fun after all, it's no that different from MRT. Maybe because I wasn't standing up, haha. Didn't stand up after all to see how difficult it was to balance in there (according to Shuyi, she took one week!) Upon reaching there, we had to cross this obstacle course. -_-" Know why? Cause the paths leading to her block and the void deck there were practically swarming with millipedes. Had to avoid stepping on them and look down at the ground all the time...!! And I had to cross this obstacle course four times!! =P

Anyway I like your house lao-gong! =)

Had much fun with Shuyi. Cause I was there *spying* on her MSN convos and making her look possessed MUAHAHAHA. (CD PLAYER ;) ) And when we listened to her songs I took her teddy bear and made it bob its head to the music. It looks very eerie and freaky I can tell you that! I traumatised her! Muahahaha...

Oh, and she did tarot readings for me... Tarot really sounds very complicated. Interesting though... And the sad thing is, the readings she did for me were mostly always very negative. The main point of the horoscope reading she did for me is that I have to LOOK BEFORE I LEAP to avoid conflict with people around me and SPEND $$ SPARINGLY AND WISELY. Also my life seems to be made up of events that are very bad... thankfully everything will end happily for me (at least that's what the cards show.)

I won't take the readings too seriously... they're interesting though and some are fairly accurate. And of course, the look before you leap advice is useful in all aspects ;)

oh, yeah... the noodle stall at the food court at the shopping mall near her place... It has very good fried shui jiao (is it shui jiao? not too sure...). I've never eaten such good ones before in my life!! =)

Shuyi I love your present and your home and most of all, I love ya!! Thanks for everything ^_^

Wednesday part II
IT WAS XIAOJIN'S BIRTHDAY! =D 'I rulez' Vinny. The hardcorer who is always unfailingly present at meetings without excuses, always there in his own way... I'm very sorry that I could not make it for your afternoon celebration... but you had a good day, you deserved it and I'm very happy about that!

Went for dinner at Pastamania. I think I got food-poisoned there, because now my tummy hurts like crazy.

The arcade at Bishan is so tiny. Yucks. No choice though, it's the only thing we have. And the only game machine I like there is dominated by a bunch of too-pro kids. (So paiseh to play in front of them T_T) In fact so many people there were younger than us la...

Some unhappy stuff happened but I'm not going to hold grudges or think about it anymore.

I just hope everyone can be happy and stay happy. =)

this is just to say

Guess what? Unbelievable as it may seem, my patience has a limit, and it's wearing dangerously thin. In fact, it's failed me about one thousand and one times in a short span of a week. I shocked even myself.

I think my problem from the beginning is that I'm too soft-hearted and I care too much. Well, guess what. I don't care about how you all look at me anymore. I don't care what you all think. Think what you like, I don't mind. I won't change your opinion. Because you might be right. Because I'm tired. I'm tired of trying, of caring and being caring. I never accomplished anything being that way.

You don't have to know anything.

You may never have known me.

Sayonara.

mahjong is addictive

My friend from the US just shared something with me. If you're on a ladder and the ladder's moving backwards and falling, it's better to just let go and drop than to continuing hanging on and to fall with it. O_O Apparently, there's some 'rotational movement' when you hold onto the ladder, so it's added with your weight and ladder. If you just let go, it's only your wieght plus gravity pulling.

(Don't really understand, but omigosh, the things you learn from physics. Though I don't think I'll actually let go if I'm ever stuck in such a situation. Scary.)

I've been wanting to blog the whole week for some reason, but now that I'm finally here I actually can't think of anything I really wanna blog about =P

Yesterday there was HC meeting! So nice to see everyone again. I mean it. It's been a very long time...

Watched the TVB drama War & Beauty there. It's very interesting!! Must finish watching it...

And this week from Monday to Friday, from approx. 10 pm to 12am (at its very latest), my family has been sitting around our mahjong table playing mahjong. So fun!! I'm addicted to mahjong already. Since we play at least six rounds everyday, it means we've played about 30 rounds this week. O_O I won... um... 10 rounds? Around there. Cause I won 4/9 on Friday!! whee. ^^;;

Only qualms I have about this arrangement is that our mahjong set is the 'mini' kind. >.< Another is that once I cross the 11pm/12 am mark, it seems I won't be able to sleep the next two hours or so, no matter how hard I try, or how tired I really am. And on one of those nights the thunderstorm woke me up. Sigh... Being a light sleeper is depressing, trust me...

Can't wait to go out on Mon & Tues! =D

(seems my life is circling around my home these days. Homework, the PS, the laptop, gift-wrapping, letter-writing, piano, colour pencils, mahjong, blehhh. XD)

kinokuniya!

yay!! finally finished gift-shopping. I feel so accomplished and proud of myself. Hehehe.

I was walking around in Kinokuniya for hours. My feet are so tired now, but I am very happy!!

I love Kino. I always have. But previously those many times I visited I always went straight to the young adults' section, or the comics section, and never poked around in the other areas. Today, out of desperation, I did, and I realize that in fact Kinokuniya has a lot more really interesting things to offer. Hehehe. I think I can blow off all my savings just in that bookstore... so many nice and schweet interesting books I wanna get! (Btw, I only have $17 left in my savings. T_T)

I WANT TO STUDY JAPANESE. T_T poking around in those sections makes me feel so demoralized. Everytime I saw people standing around there, browsing, I thought, 'Waa, don't torture me...' hehe... my sis has begun teaching me Japanese... the 'a i u e o'... but somehow I have misplaced the hiragana list. ^^;; what a great student I am.

I spent a lot of $$ today again. And my mom spent $$ on me again. I really feel so bad. I don't think I will shop anymore next year. I don't need to. Hehehe.

Hehehe. I can't wait to give the prezzies!! =D

---

Even though people left and right are changing and disappointing me, even though that past sense of comfort and solace is gone, even though I don't know if we can go back to the past, even though I know things will never be as happy as long ago, I will accept it and move on. Because I know for certain who will never leave me and I will be strong for them. Even if I have to be unhappy because people around me are unhappy, I will be there for them, but I won't let it get me down anymore. Worrying about someone else's problems will not solve it for them... Worrying is not the way. I will be optimistic and practise what I preach.